relationship help

[Hilmarie]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now. when i met him he had just gotten out of rehab and was very positive about changing his life and went to meetings, his drug addiction was pills and cocaine. a little over a month of us dating he started to drink i thought nothing of it it wasn't like he was drinking alot. now he has to drink all the time and he chooses drinking over me and tells me once we move in together he wont drink but i don't know how to belive him and its just tearing me down and i don't know if i can handle it anymore, i love him to death and i don't want to leave him but i feel like thats my only option at this point because he wont go to meetings anymore and he tells me its not a problem but he doens't see that it is and that its tearing us apart. i was always told if you have doubts in a relationship you shouldn't be in it but now i don't know what to do any help?

[Bean]

I'm sorry but it sounds like he is just replacing one drug with another. Can you for a moment imagine he came plaeding to you about something that was breaking his heart and causing problems?????You would probably do anything to fix it and work on it, right? yes because you love him. Now he chooses drinking over you, he is denieing any problem-that fact that it is for you is a PROBLEM!!! Now for saying once you move in together then he'll stop drinking?? I am sorry, but he is just biding time. Please do a lot of reading on here and soul searching before you move in with this man. You are so right-when in doubt, trust your instints and inner voice that is screaming at you right now, it is just being muffled with doubt!!
Take Care!

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by Hilmarie

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now. when i met him he had just gotten out of rehab and was very positive about changing his life and went to meetings, his drug addiction was pills and cocaine. a little over a month of us dating he started to drink i thought nothing of it it wasn't like he was drinking alot. help?

You thought nothing of it because you weren't in rehab. He was in rehab, and they told him there that he was an addict, and one of the easiest things for an addict to do is change his/her drug of choice. You probably also didn't hear the part where they probably told him to stay out of relationships for an extended period of time so that he could concentrate on his recovery.


Now you have to decide if you want to stick around and soak up the atmosphere or not, with the understanding that this may be as good as it ever gets. My thoughts go out to you.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

"LETTING GO" .To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, It means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, It's the realization that I can't control another. To let is not to enable, But to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, Which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not try to change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, But to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, But to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, But to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment. To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone. But to try to become what dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, But to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more!