How long until you tell someone that you're in recovery?

[bob_sapp]

Generally, how long would you wait while dating someone new before you drop the bomb that you are in recovery and going to meetings? It seems like something to avoid on the first/2nd dates... It is a big part of who I am, and also a potential stumbling block. I just started seeing a girl and I know she drinks, I know she gets drunk sometimes... but that's all I know. I don't know for sure if she is just an average 21 year old, or a drunk girl. I suppose when I tell her I go to AA I will find out very quickly by how she responds.

[BCBoy87]

its always good to tell her, if she understands thats good, if not it wasn't ment to be

[anvilhead]

if a BIG PART OF YOU is a stumbling block that it certainly isn't a good fit! this one drinks...gets drunk....you sure that's a good choice for you????? or her? i say be proud be upfront no secrets......

[Sweetiepie1]

Your long term recovery is far more important than a potentially short term relationship. Only my opinion but if in your position I'd be inclined to tell her "I've had a problem with drink, so I don't" pretty early on and take it from there if the relationship develops.

[lostone79]

The sooner the better, secrets never help relationships. It will also tell you pretty early where the relationship is heading....good or bad.

[freya]

I personally consider my recovery program to be my spiritual practice. I am excited about it; I am proud of it; it is deeply integrated into all aspects of my life. As I am pretty much a very honest, open, and direct person, it is difficult for me to imagine how I could possibly talk meaningfully to anyone for any length of time without it coming up -- and, if it came up, I'd talk about it openly and honestly the way I talk about any other part of my life. I certainly would not do anything at any time to side-step it, hide it or avoid it...to me that would just be a very negative and unhealthy and self-defeating way to start into any kind of new relationship.

freya

[lightseeker]

I know that for me it's important to feel comfortable in my own skin and to determine my motives. Are you not telling her because you are concerned that that would end your association or change it? She's either going to be ok with it or not. The sooner that you know the better. Recovery is a life long process and hopefully will always be a part of your life. I've found that "normal" drinkers are a-ok with my being in recovery - they are not threatened by it at all. The ones that suspect that they might have a problem are the ones uncomfortable with it usually.

I don't make a point of stating my recovery status - but it becomes clear early on that I choose to not take a drink. The right person isn't going to be turned off by your revelation.....stay strong and if you get a negative response then it's not you they are rejecting.

Hugs - Donna