hello

[ComeAwayFromIt]

wow, where do i start? this is my first post, and i don't really know what to say except that i feel like i am driving myself crazy. my boyfriend of two years has been struggling with cocaine addiction since long before i met him. after almost a year clean, he relapsed (HARD) for about six weeks before checking himself into rehab. i am so proud of him (this is his first inpatient rehab) and everytime i talk to him on the phone, i have never heard him sound so healthy. i miss him terribly, but i am SO nervous about him coming home (we live together). he keeps saying how mch better things are going to be for us, and how great he finally feels. i want so badly to really believe that, but i feel like my trust in him is just shot. what are the best things i can do to be supportive of his transition into the "real world"? i just don't want to feel like i'm walking on eggshells anymore. the thing is, i never in a million years would have considered myself a codependent person. i'm not even sure if i know what that really means. control? i never really feel in control. i battled eating disorders for years (5 years recovered), but i don't think i have issues with trying to control other people. maybe i enabled him. i drank with him on occasion (never used coke), and suddenly i feel like a horrible person for that. but it wasn't MY problem.

geez, i'm totally rambling here. i'm just afraid of the days to come, and very hopeful at the same time. i don't think i can handle another relapse. i already made it through more than i can count in two years. just feeling very alone right now. . .

[Cynay]

Welcome to SR!!! Your not alone anymore.... we have all been where you are at some point or another.

i'm totally rambling here. i'm just afraid of the days to come, and very hopeful at the same time.

This is so normal hon, stop second guessing yourself. Addiction does that to us, we start second guessing everything and we are always on "eggshells" when it comes to going through what we do. You are right it is not "your" problem, well at least the addiction to substance is not your problem. Have you considered looking into Al-anon?? That is a program that was vital to me in learning to live in a relationship with an Alcoholic/Addict.

Im not going to lie and tell you that any of it is easy hon, because even in soberity it is not easy. I will tell you that if he stays clean and works a program it can be a pretty amazing relationship but you have to understand that relaps happens.... there will always be the threat of that happening. Life is not secure .... there are always things happening good and bad.... but with an Alcoholic/Addict there is that added chance and you need to have some pretty strong boundries and make sure to create your personal foundation.... that is why I think Al-anon would be so helpful to you.

I look forward to getting to know you! Its a tough situation all the way around ..... but we are always here and we really do "get it" ... Please keep posting and remember to keep the focus on you...

[ComeAwayFromIt]

thank you cynay! i've been lurking for a few days and i'm glad to be here. i have looked into al-anon, and found a meeting close by on my day off. you're definitely not the first to tell me that i need to go! there are also nar-anon meetings that i found, is there really a difference? anyway, thanks for your reply, i look forward to getting to know you all!


ps- have you ever felt that if you were not "perfect", that you were enabling? please tell me i'm not just crazy :-)

[Cynay]

Huge difference....

Nar-anon is for the Addict (is for keeping them sober)

Al-anon is for the friends and family of Alcoholics/Addict (is for keeping you sane and not enabling)

LOL... first of all Im the furthest person from perfect that I know.... second of all Im the queen of enabling and I have made more mistakes then even I care to count. Your not Crazy sweetie..... if your like me you also have a "disease" its called Co-dependent. Try picking up the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and see if that does not help shed light on how your feeling.