ABF getting out of rehab today...

[Marie_A]

Hi! I have read almost the whole Relationships forum. Even if I read dozens of posts with the same story as mine, I feel the need to write anyway.

A little background: I've been with the boyfriend for the last 4 years. We lived together for 2 years after we met. I broke up with him 2 years ago due to his alcohol use, and he moved out. But it never felt like we broke up. We were very often together (we used to drink together) and still had sex. I'm the one who pushed him to go to detox and he finally did, 1-1/2 month ago (2 weeks in detox and 28 days in rehab). I got back with him as a girlfriend at this moment. I was very happy that he finally did something to change his life.

There is also a little more than the alcohol. I realized after a few months that he might have a mental disorder. The psy at the rehab center said it's probably PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).

For the last 3 weekends, he got out of the center on a pass. He spent these weekends in my place, since he did not feel like going into his apartment. First weekend was a little awkward and it finished with a fight. I was trying to talk to him about us, he was very cold. I asked him if he wanted me around or not, he would not answer. I practically begged him (my God!!!!!!!!) to continue the relationship and to try to make it work. When he left for the center, I did not know where we stood. We talked on the phone the day after, I told him that I was sorry about that incident and felt very ashamed of myself. And that I understood the changes that were going on with him and that I would go away from the relationship if that is what he wanted. He told me no, that he loved me and wanted to try to make it work. But he did not want to stress himself with it at this point. Which I understand.

Second weekend he got out, everything went fine. I did not talk nothing about the relationship. And he was pretty affectionate that weekend.

Last weekend, he got out and it still went not so bad. Again, I did not talk nothing about us. On the Saturday night, we go to bed, no sex (ok... I can understand this with all the changes in him... it's a little bit hard because he used to be very very sexual, a few times a day, but now... this is almost gone). But that was not the hard part. We were very very tired and were in bed. Then he says, "Goodnight Mrs.". He holds my hand a few second and that's it. No kiss, nothing. Falls asleep. Goodnight Mrs.??????? WTF?????

Sunday morning, I was my usual self, even if I was still kind of shocked. He went to a meeting, came back and started to prepare his things to go back to the center. When he left, he kissed me but nothing passionate. I feel like I spent the weekend with my brother!!!!

We are now Wednesday, he's getting out today. I'm leaving around 11:30 this morning to meet him at the bus station. I don't know how to act. I don't know what to say. I'm walking on eggshells. I'm sure that if I say a word about us, this will degenerate into a fight. What I feel like, for now, is to tell him that the relationship is over.

We have a long history together in these 4 years (fights, verbal and physical violence, jail...) Advice anyone? Thank you.

Marie

[Nina Kay]

Hi Marie and Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm sorry that you've been going through so much confusion and heartbreak. I know that it's so frustrating and overwhelming when things aren't making any sense. My son is the alcoholic/addict in my life and I will tell you that I've felt this many times over the last twelve years.

I do think that you might be interested in checking out the Forums here for Families & Friends of Substance Abusers & Families & Friends of Alcohol Abusers. There is alot more action there and it sounds to me like you and your situation would fit right n there with the rest of us. You'll be able to get alot of feedback and a whole lot of support & understanding at these forums. Come join us there soon if you'd like.
(((((((((((((((Welcome Hugs)))))))))))))))))