should I feel guilty for breaking it off

[supporter11]

I have known my male friend for 8 years. We reconnected in December-he called me. We had been in touch via email occaisionally over a 4 year period. He is an alcoholic in recovery and sober since April-I think. I gave him encouragement and support when he made the decision to quit drinking afer losing both his jobs (he still has no job and has made no effort to find one). He did in-patient rehab for 30 days and I kept in touch daily-he called me and I visited him once a week. Since we connected in Dec. he has alo been seeing a lady out of state. He goes to her place for 3 and 4 days at a time to wine and dine her. We rarely go out and when we meet for dinner-I pay my own because I know he has no job and now unemployment has run out. He is good at telling me what he thinks I want to hear such as I have been a great friend to him, supported him and if he was ready to settle down I would be he one. Meanwhile he claims he can not be exclusive BUT sees the other lady much more than me. Lately he had been very evasive about when he was going etc. or just lied and said he couldn't see me at his request but went to her again for 3 days. He is in recovery and I understand A's are good for getting what they can out of others for themselves. I have never really tried to help anyone before-he is the first. I know he is going to have a rough time in 3 weeks when his 2nd DUI hearing comes up. He will be faced with thousands in legal fees and fines and probably jail time. I know this guy is no good for me but I do fell like I am abandoning him when soon he will need a good friend. I had to do this for me. Even though he is in recovery he still seems to be uable to tell the truth. When I told him I couldn't see him anymore because his relatonship with the OW makes me feel like I am not good enough except for one thing and it seemed to be going that way towards a sexual relationship. He insists the other relationship is platonic but I don't believe it and when he was drinking he told me they had sex. He won't remember telling me that. I don't want to feel guilty but I do but I had to break all ties for me. I could see myself getting too wrappped up worrying about him spending time reading about the disease and how I could encourage him and now I realize everything he told me probably was not true and he really doesn't respect me. His final correspondance was to tell me it is too bad I allow my self-destructing negativism show through. I had to look that one up since he just told me how positive I had become since my divorce 2 years ago. I kow I am doing the right thing for me because of his past track record and it could only become a toxic reltationship as my marriage was. I was always at the bottom on the priority list and I don't want that again. I took care of my family, worked fulltime and put everyone ahead of me for 33 years and now it is my turn for someone to take care of me.
supporter11

[Taking5]

He is an alcoholic in recovery and sober since April-I think.

when he was drinking he told me they had sex

So do you still think he has been sober since April?

[supporter11]

I am not sure if he is still sober because I have not seen iim in a month, my choice, but he said he wanted to see me so I tried arranging a place and tiime close to him but he chose to not tell me he was going to NY. I do know that when he was drinking his emails were full of terrible typing errors to the point where I couldn't figure out the words and I haven't seen much of that lately. I do know the OW doesn't like when he got drunk but I don't know how she would feel if he had one or 2 but he can't stop at that. I am hoping for him he is still sober but since she sees him every week and I haven't seen him in a month I can't say for sure. I do know that his has not contacted me by phone or email in 5 days , not since he told me I was allowing my self distructing negativism to show through.This is my first experience at befriending a person with a serious problem so I may have co-dependent tendencies but I am not severely co-dependent.
supporter11

[Sydney Bristow]

I know exactly what you feel right now.

For me, it came down to this: what kind of friendship, exactly, could I have with someone who is still so emotionally f-ed up?

What does he have to offer me?

Eventually, I got to the true answer to those questions: there is NOTHING he has to offer me, as a friend or otherwise.

So I cut him off. And life has been very peaceful since then.

Good luck!

[supporter11]

I have not caleed or emailed hime etc. since he told me about my self-destructive negativism until this AM. I got an email from him telling me that although I can't see him right now and our lack of contact I am in his thoughts. I will not respond. Nice guy but a master manipulator. Although the phones are silent now, I know it can only be better for me in the end. His world is going to come crashing down in about 3 weeks when his second DUI hearing doesn't go well. Even though he has a high end lawyer, there is a witness and the BAC test doesn't lie. Each day gets better. I think I am understanding some of the personallity traits of the alcoholic and recovering alcoholic. I do think he is still sober which is a good thing but I don't tink his is right with his psycho babble accusations towards me. THe fact that he has not contacted me since last MOnday tells me he again was away with his lady friend in NY. It is the only place he goes right now. It is his escape from reality.
Supporter11