2/26 Letting Go Of Indifference

[Cynay]

When a breakup does not fully involve our feelings, we run the risk of becoming too detached or indifferent. In trying to be reasonable, we run the risk of suppressing our feelings of loss since the mind adjusts faster then the heart, a "reasonable" breakup presents a challenge. When two people decide reasonably to end an intimate relationship or marriage, in their hearts they may still be attached.

Ultimately, whenever a relationship ends we hope it is also a reasonable decision, but our challenge is also to feel our regrets. After deciding to break up, we must then give ourselves permission to feel reoccurring waves of conflicting emotions. Otherwise, we may lose touch with our inner passion to love and be loved.

Even though we are better off being apart, we still take time to grieve the loss. We must recognize that some part of us was hoping that this relationship would last. That part of us needs to be heard again and again until the heart is healed.

When we end a relationship reasonably, we must make sure we give our feelings permission to lag behind. It is okay to regret the loss and feel sad even though it was the best decision. Even if breaking upis smartest decision, we will need to give ourselves a chance to adjust emotionally. If we do not automatically experience feelings of loss, we should begin to look for them.

You can achieve this by remembering the hopes and dreams you felt in the beginning of the relationship. With this awareness, you can begin to feel your sadness about breaking up. From here you can reflect on what happened that you didn't want to happen and explore feelings of anger and then forgiveness.

You must feel your fear that you could be making a big mistake and your sorrow that you cannot make it work. It is okay if you continue to feel occasional longings to go back and make it work. This is all part of the process of letting go. Having these feelings does not mean that you should act on your feelings and go back. If you are feeling needy and desperae, then this is definitely not the time to consider returning.

Staying in touch with our feelings of loss, even though our mind clearly is not attached, allows us to keep our hearts open. Breaking up in a very reasonable or detached manner can easily be covering up a lifetime of hidden hurts, disappointment, and sadness. If you are unable to find a way into your feelings of loss, then it is advisable to look back to another loss in your life. Somewhere in your past, something happened that blocked your ability to feel fully your need for love.

Go back and remember a time when you were young but you had to be strong. A time when there was no one you could turn to. A time when you didn't feel safe to share your pain and so you made the reasonable decision to hold it in until it was finally safe. Well, now is the time to explore those feelings. Now it is safe. By getting in touch with each of the four levels and then fully feeling your forgiveness and love you will be ready to move on.