2/21 Letting Go Of Resentment

[Cynay]

You are reading from the book Mars & Venus Starting Over

We are going to start a section of Letting Go. Then I promise I will change topics.

The most common of the seven attitudes is resentment, particularly when the marriage or relationship that has ended was not loving or nurturing. We resent that we wasted our time. We resent that our hopes and expectations were not met. Although we gave of ourselves, we did not get back what we needed. No matter how hard we tried, our efforts were never enough for our partner. Though this resentment is certainly appropriate, it is a clear indicator that we are not yet ready to get involved again.

When we feel resentful, our biggest challenge is to say good-bye with forgiveness and love. Although we have a right to feel resentful, our new challenge is to remember the love we once felt and then forgive our ex-partner for his mistakes. By taking the to grieve our loss fully, it is eventually possible to release all our resentments and to wish our partner well.

To uncover our buried love, each of the four healing emotions may first need to be explored.

1. We may need to feel the anger that they wasted so much of our lives, betrayed us, of deprived us of the love and support that we deserved.

2. We may need to feel the sadness that the relationship is over, that we don't have someone to love, that it didn't work out.

3. We may need to feel the fear that we are fools or that we will be fooled again, that we don't know how to make a relationship work.

4. We may need to feel the sorrow that we cannot go back and make it work, that we cannot make up for lost time, that we cannot change our partner's feelings.

Then expressing our feelings of forgiveness and understanding will enable us to remember the love we shared in the beginning. Remembering the love is very important. Forgiveness is not real until we can remember our positive feelings of love for another.