How can I raise my children with any discipline while feeling so guilty

[beengone]

Hi I'm a thirty year-old woman. I have have been abusing drugs my whole life. My last D.O.C was taking pain pills. I felt that since I just got out of college that I had to do legal drugs. haha I have been through a million bottoms but, now for the past year I just don't want to do any drugs it feels great! Well at least since I have had my son I ****** up when I had my little girl she is seven her dad has her now It makes me feel so guilty that I'm sober now but I could not have done it for her. I'm acrossing over in June at work I'm going to start doing drug counseling. I'm sorry if this is a little messed up but I'm trying to give you all the info at once. O.K I'm also on suboxone I'm down to 75% of one pill (which is not very fun) I'm trying to be completely off drugs when I take that job. The main resason that I'm wrtting is that my son is so mean and I feel so guilty for any kind of discipline. He bits, screams, makes his own bedtimes. and ect. (much much worse) He is cute as a button and I feel that he is all I got sometimes. I'm getting my little girl for a week at Christmas and I can't wait. I don't want her to see her brother so out of control. I'm affraid that she will think I didn't keep her but I kept him. Basically, what should I do about him and my guilt?? Please Help!!!

[sisterray]

I am having trouble disciplining my kids because I feel guilty that they have had to go through so much in the past couple years with my guys drinking and drugging and no money and now hes in jail. I am left to do all the disciplining, and feel so guilty that I let him yell at them, that I am letting it get out of hand, they dont listen to me. They argue with me, and I feel like they say us fighting and thats why they do it.

But we need to be moms first. We need to show them the right ways of doing things, even if we are just starting to do the right things today ourselves. We can start new anytime we want-thats whats cool about kids-they adapt to anything. I sat down and talked to mine and said I maynot have been the best mom for awhile, but starting now we would start doing things the right way. I have been trying my best to be consistant. They are starting to respond after only a few days. Good luck, yours sounds little, so he may not get the whole talking to him about it thing, but I think they understand more than we know.

I also know kids respond to how we feel. Mine take on my mood. So if I am feeling stressed or annoyed with them, I take a deep breath, be cheerful, and stand my ground. Its hard for them to be creepy to a cheerful smiling mom.

Good Luck- Lori

[Cynay]

Welcome to SR beengone, we are glad to have you with us.

I had the same problem while raising my daughter.... huge case of the guilts. My DOC are Alcoholics.... yea Im codi.

What is working for me today is working my program. I dont know if you attend AA/NA or have a recovery plan but I'm currently doing a 4th step on my relationship with my daughter.... basically going back over our lives and looking at patterns.... both good and bad. The goal is to address everything, and ask God to remove my defects, make amends as necessary and then letting it go. Dumping the shame and guilt so I can live life today.

Now the other thing is setting boundries for her... which I suck at. If I had it to do all over again I would make that a priority because she will use my guilt/shame against me and as a teen she has done it often. I read everything on teenager lately so I know what she is doing is a stage.... but it does not hurt less.

With your daughter all you can do is tell the truth, make amends and make sure your actions let her know how much she is loved. Cards sent to her, phone calls ... etc..

The other thing I do alot of is Pray.

I look forward to getting to know you, keep posting and getting it out of your system... it does help.

[beengone]

I didn't know that writting on this site could make me feel so much better. Thank you for repleying to my help request. Whille reading these messages I cried because i never thought that people (would or could) care enough to help me get out of the ugly positions that I put my own self in. Thanks again !!

[Cynay]

That is the beauty of recovery, having something to give back.

The only reason we can help is because we have been there ... was helped through it by other people that had to go through it too.

Your not alone in your struggles.

[VeronicaLee]

beengone, its funny..I was going to post something similar to your post and then I saw yours.

I have been a drug addicts my whole life. I am a codependent as well.. I have three children, 18, 16 and 4.

My addictions have created havoc in my family. My two oldest children have gotten away with murder simply because I was either to stoned..or two busy crying over some man..to dicipline them. OR..I would feel guilty. I have done so many wrong things..how can I possibly take some away from them?

Now they are practically men...abusive, drug addicts, theives...horrible horrible children. and have NO respect for me whatsoever.

Now..i have this little 4 year old. I have not been in a relationship with a man since I got pregnant with him. I have quit smoking. I am now working on giving my my pot addiction...(day one)..and I already see that I am making the same mistakes all over again.

i need to get a grip before its to late. I do not want him to grow up in the same environment with little stability..and no disicipline. i want better for him.

i made a commitment to do this the day he was born...some things I have come a long way with..some things I am still struggling with.

Guilt is a big demon...when in reality...children need disipline and consequences..and stability. It is one thing I really need to work on. NO MORE FEELING GUILTY FOR DOING RIGHT BY MY SON!!!!