Possible trouble with wife

[jjaaam]

OK-to make a long story short when my wife and I got back together it was under the guise of me not drinking ever again.

Well, I have snuck it a few times.

Things have been pretty crappy for us for other reasons lately, and I feel that she is going to approach me about the drinking.

I don't want to lie (again), but if I say "yes I have" she will take the kids and go. They already got pretty messed up the last time this happened and I don't want to do it again.

I know - you say "why are you drinking again". God knows. All I know is that if I never did it again I would know that I have and that I have lied to her.

Should I just keep that lie going? I know this is a sh***y question...but I don't know what else to do. If there is ANY indication of me drinking the marriage is over and done.

Help...please.

[best]

Do you want to do what is right or do you want to manipulate things so you feel you get away with it? We don't get away with it, we just put off what could be for another time. Things always tend to catch up with us.

Get serious about finding recovery. Get to meetings.
If you are serious about a commitment of seeking recovery...
Go to her before she comes to you and share the truth along with a plan of what you are going to do about it. Man up and take what comes of it but get to meetings and find some support and info on how to stop the drinking and stay sober. Unless you stop drinking, you will always be fighting such a problem.

[elizabeth1979]

We don't get away with it, we just put off what could be for another time.

So true.

[kennesaw]

I may not be of help here, but i wanted to give the perspective of a wife of an addict. Well...I think he's an addict. I'm slowly finding out what he's be doing

long story

Anyway, as a woman and as a wife I can say there is not much that gets past me. Granted, I might not know what it is at first, I might not be able to put my finger on it, but I know when something is 'different' I knew when things just seemed different about my husband and how he was relating to me

I questioned myself 1st...a problem of mine....self doubt. But now once again I am in the position of saying "I KNEW IT! Why didnt I trust my instincts?!?!"

I dont know what other issues you were having with you wife, but a relationship starts to fall apart from the bottom up when one starts keeping secrets from the other. The dynamic changes, everything changes. Relations get tense. Your wife might be feeling suspicious and uneasy without comfronting you about it

I think one sign of a true problem is when one starts keeping things to themselves. I am most upset with my husband for lying to me all this time, not telling me what was happening etc. Shutting me out

If you go to your wife, tell her what has happened, tell her your fears and how you want to work thru this together I think that may signify hope. WHen one tells the truth we call it "coming clean" I dont think that is a coincidence

Best of luck to you

[Baritone]

I can only way that back when my (now-ex) wife was trying to get sober, when she finally admitted that she was drinking again (which i had suspected for some time), it was the fact that she hadn't been honest in the first place, more than the drinking itself, that prompted me to leave for the last time.

- Jim