What do I do to change??

[tbreno12]

I feel desperate my problem is this I grew up being a only child with a mother that was a alcholic drug addict and she married about 12 times. To say the least I followed the same road except for the marrages. I have 6 years clean and sober, and I attend regular meetings, for me my problem is relationships I tend to latch on to the ones that are unavailable for me, I have been in this one now for 5 years off and on off and on, I am so sick and tired of being cheated on lied to,and used basically. He was in recovery 8 years and decided to go back out so I left.
Sounds great right? wrong now I see him allow him to see other women and go against everything I believe or at least I think I belive in, I have made several attempts not to be apart of his life but the more he treats me bad the more I want..

I know I am attractive and stable financially so those are ruled out as to why I stay, I cant even blame him any more because it boils down to me, the needing of the dsyfunction and the just 5 minutes of love, and feeeling needed or wanted.

This is not the only relationship I have been in where I feel like this it has been all of them, I am turning 40 years old this year and I am miserable. The little girl inside wants to be healed, I wont even date because I am scared to death to get into another sick relationship and so it seems easier and more familar to stay here in this sickness. I love him but I also feel empty everytime I leave from being with him.

I have seen several physc. and they put me on meds for different things the last one was for bipolar, I havent been on meds for about 1 year now and I feel great, I just dont know where to start as far as this codependant sick twisted internal stuff how do I heal? I have read every book out there, Im sad, I want help.

Thank you

[dalin]

for me it has been about changing those old survival skills,those character defects that give me low self esteem.it is a process,and half of it for me is seeing that with all the self help books and step work i have done...and listening to everyones theories,i was very miserable...
im posting a sight that helped me alot...check it with an open mind ok
http://www.nawol.org/2006_step6%20input.htm

[StrongR2Day]

Dalin, glad you responded to this, I just noticed you were the only one. That's unusual. Perhaps it was posted and responded to somewhere else, I hope so.

I just dont know where to start as far as this codependant sick twisted internal stuff how do I heal? I have read every book out there, Im sad, I want help.

It was in recovery for my addiction that I realized people needed to be included in that first step. My codependence took on a life of it's own in recovery and something had to give.

The first thing I did was to attend Alanon and read every piece of recommended literature and then some. At the time I was living with an active addict while clean, in many ways my life was more unmanageable than when I was using. I thought it was over (stopped going to Alanon) when the relationship ended, instead I managed to stay sick without him...making the same mistakes in all of my new relationships.

One day I realized something had to change and that was me. I got into therapy with a committed vigor, and the primary issue was my codependence, dealing with the ACOA issues. Somehow, while staying clean, I had managed to side step these issues at every turn. Now it was time to confront them. Therapy is a very safe place to do that, and it was recommended to me by my sponsor.

I can only tell you what worked for me. I was truly sick and tired of the pain and determined to do whatever it took to relieve it. I wanted some of my erroded self-esteem back, I wanted to love myself again, or maybe it was actually for the first time in my life.

What it comes down to is I had to commit to healing myself with the same amount of energy I used to getting clean. I also sought other members in recovery that had confronted the same issues and finally became willing to listen.

I really hope you are ready to begin that journey. What can you do today that is different from what you have tried in the past?

[tbreno12]

Thank you everyone, I have set up an appointment with my therapist, and I am currently working steps in NA, now I just need to go get the readings suggested. Thank you Dalin for the web site my best friend told me last night to read the 6 th step chapter in our book so I is amazing how our HP helps through people.. I am sad still today he keeps calling and I try real hard not to get weak, I need to not need him, Im done hurting. Thank you again tisha