Attitude issues assistance needed...

[penthilisea]

I need help adjusting my attitude. I have both chronic and acute pain (Fibro + fractured L1, disc issues at l4/l5), and a history of abusing my pain meds. I have 120 days clean, in an IOP, getting to meetings when I can, etc. I also suffer from major depressive disorder.

My issue is when folks give me suggestions that either I've already tried, or that are totally inappropriate for my situation, I get... snarky. When the pain AND depression gang up on me, and I cant get dressed, or shower, or go anywhere, "taking a walk" is not feasible for me. I always reply, if I could TAKE a walk, I WOULD! I cannot express how many times this has been proffered to me as a legitimate central pain management technique- by medical professionals who are familiar with my situation no less.

On the one hand I KNOW they are truly trying to offer me help, and they aren't trying to **** me off, or sound dumb. But when I am unable to function in any substantial way in the world, I need better coping skills for those people in my life. I guess part of it is that I am tired of being the most informed person on my conditions, current meds available, recent research into addiction, pain management, fibro etc.

So hi. And stuff.

[Freedom1990]

Oh my gosh, I can relate so much to what you said. I've been sitting here today thinking how totally and utterly sick and tired I am of being in pain.

I have spinal stenosis and degenerative disc disease, and have often gotten the just take a walk thing too. I also battle major depressive disorder, and am currently adjusting to yet another medication tweak for that!

People who have never suffered from chronic pain and depression just do not understand.

Sending you lots of hugs from a fellow chronic pain person!

[DesertEyes]

Hello penthilisea, and pleased to "meet" you

Originally Posted by penthilisea

...My issue is when folks give me suggestions that either I've already tried, or that are totally inappropriate for my situation, I get... snarky. ....

oh goodness. If all you get is "snarky" then you are doing way better than me. I get downright angry and want to adjust _their_ attitude.

With me it's my own expectations. I don't know why, but I have this expectation that other people can understand the pain I live in every day. I have no idea where that expectation comes from, cuz I sure don't understand _them_ .... so why should they understand me?

A few things that have worked for me.

If it's a doc making a foolish suggestion I use it as an opportunity to turn it around on them : "You know, doc, I was meaning to ask your advice on exactly that idea. I am not able to take a walk because my blood pressure drops like a rock if I so much as go out to the mailbox. Do you think I should up my meds? or would you prescribe me an electric wheel chair?" Sometimes I get a smart doc and a useful conversation follows.

With non-medical peeps I also try the turn-around : "You know, I wish I were healthy enough to take a walk. What I really need is somebody who would give me a ride to the local park and go with me so that if I pass out they could call 911. Can you think of anybody who do that for me?" Most of the time that gets them out of my hair, and once in a while I get somebody who is actually willing to give me a ride. Whadya know.

Originally Posted by penthilisea

... But when I am unable to function in any substantial way in the world, I need better coping skills for those people in my life.....

Yeah, me too. I'm still not adjusted to my new life as a "disabled" person, and I think that's a big part of it for me. I still get jealous when I see healthy people doing something I wish I could do, or talking about things I will never be able to do. Someday I will have more acceptance of _me_, and when that happens I'll be able to accept _them_ better.

Originally Posted by penthilisea

...I guess part of it is that I am tired of being the most informed person on my conditions, current meds available, recent research into addiction, pain management, fibro etc. ....

yup, yup. Been there, done that. One advantage of my being so well informed is that when I find a doc that goes and does some research, and then on the _second_ visit knows _more_ than me, I know I've got a keeper.

Originally Posted by penthilisea

... So hi. And stuff.....

Hi back atcha, and welcome to this corner of recovery. We tend to be a quiet bunch around here, and some of us are too sick to check the 'puter every day so if you make a post and nobody answers for a day or two.... it's not cuz we're ignoring you. We just feel like *****, that's all

Mike

[PPA1048]

Hi Penth: I am not the one that suffers from chronic pain, but my husband does and has been suffering for about 10 years now (he has had 4 back operations, 2 knee replacements and numerous other orthopedic problems, DDD, arthritis, spinal stenosis, etc.) and he also suffers from PTSD from serving in Vietnam. Well I have to say that I apologize for ignorant people, as I am ignorant at times myself and do not understand what it is like to live in chronic pain everyday, I cannot imagine. I think that people who do not suffer every day just don't have the capacity to really understand and I know that with my husband, I have heard him say so many times that he is hurting, that I seem to lose my patience with him at times, because he sounds like a broken record, which is really ignorant of me to shrug him off. Maybe some of you could give us individuals who do not hurt every day some suggestions, it would be helpful. Thank you.

[penthilisea]

If there really is nothing you can do to help the chronic pain sufferer, then you can do as my counselor does; "I'm sorry I can't do anything to make it better, but I can offer you my support, and I'm always here to listen if you need to talk."