Sobriety&Pain

[Weeza]

Hi Folks,
I'm new here and have been sharing on the Alcoholism forum about my situation. I take personal pride in not having had a drink in over 18 years, and my first 15 years in recovery were very thorough, going to meetings, doing service. However, due to severe chronic pain from Fibromyalgia, my physician recommended I take an opioid like Tylenol 3. Yet the tylenol was destroying the lining of my stomach and I developed pancreatitis symptoms to which after an endoscopy, my gasteroenterologist suggested to my doctor I stop taking two tylenol 3s and move to one tylenol 4. However, after two years of this medication therapy, my physician was forced by the government to refer me out to a pain management doctor.

I met with the pain management doctor and he reviewed my records and stated that it was his opinion that I had two months to live so to give me a chance to heal from the NSAIDS ruining my kidneys and liver, he was switching me from Tylenol 4 to Methadone. To me that was a death sentence for my membership in recovery with AA. Yet, I was physically suffering and wanted to be a good patient, so followed the doctors orders, especially when he said to me and my 6 year old son who was with me, "you need a chance to heal. You want to stick around for your little boy, don't you? Don't worry about this being an addiction. It's a pseudo-addiction. Your body has become tolerant to opioids and are not working so you need a stronger pain medication without the tylenol that's destroying your organs."

I have tried various Fibromyalgia medications which had bad side effects. Lyrics, Cymbalta, Impramamine-- all those meds made me loopy in the head so what only was working was the opioids. Being a sober member of AA, I was in a private battle with guilty feelings about taking the medication but did feel relief from pain, and in knowing how strict my sponsor is about any medication, I did not confer with her on the matter but followed my doctors' directions... Each time I took a pill, I kept a written log nearby a clock and did not double up or get to any loaded point for which my sobriety would be compromised.

We have a saying in the AA rooms, "To Thine Own Self Be True" and I can truly say that I have even reduced the pain medication on days when the Fibromyalgia was not as bad. However, when Methadone replaced the Tylenol 4, it was too strong for me. I was more sleepy and began having bad side effects of weight gain and edema, so I went back and forth between my doctors with pleas to get me off that medication.

Things went from bad to worse when my busy pain management doctor would not make time to address the bad side effects and when I finally was able to meet with him, I told him how hurt I felt from his lack of consistent monitoring me and it made me question his ethics. At that point he said "we're done here" and he would not refill the script to help taper me off, so I was forced to endure a painful withdrawal that could have thrown me into an heart attack.

It took weeks to recover from the Methadone withdrawal but I did return to my physician to tell him all that was going on and he did his best to find me another pain management doctor in our area but none would take me on as a new patient so I had to go out of the area to find another pain management doctor who then wanted to surgically install a permanent implant for refilling morphine on a weekly basis as well as spinal blocks.

Terrified of becoming hostage to narcotics, I sought relief from acupuncture, Reiki and Chinese Herbal therapy but no pain relief came from these efforts. After three months without pain medication and doing some research on other alternatives, I found that Medical Marijuana was helpful for Fibromyalgia and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, so consulted with an OB-GYN who was able to script me a medical cannabis card for California where it's legal under the compassionate care act. Even then, I tearfully told the doctor that I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict with 18 years sobriety and did not wish to risk losing my sobriety to a drug known to be abused by recreational users. He assured me that I would not compromise my sobriety if I took only two hits of the medical cannabis on an as needed basis, and that I would know when it was working because it had immediate effects.

I followed the 'pot doctor's' directions to the letter, informing my sober husband about this new medication therapy. My husband has 23 years sobriety in NA so his opinion really mattered, and as he was just beside himself with my suffering, he also felt this would be a worthwhile change.

Let me tell you, the medical cannabis was effective. I was able to stop vomiting from the IBS, stopped feeling my nerves shooting off from Trigeminal Neuraligia and Temporal Mandibular Jaw disorder. Also, to help with the TN and TMJ, I was getting Botox injections in my forehead and that helped immensely while having a nice cosmetic effect.

At any rate, over Thanksgiving I met with my sponsor and our sober friends, which got me feeling guilty for not being more upfront about my pain and this new use of MMJ, so two weeks ago I came clean with my sponsor and she then told me that I had lost my sobriety time and had to start over with a new date, giving up MMJ altogether.

It's been a painful ordeal to be without any pain relief medicines. Personally I don't feel that I've slipped to lose my sobriety time, but I did slip in not keeping totally honest with my sponsor about the surgeries (5 major and 12 minor) that have caused me to take pain medications.

I'm not to take NSAIDS, anti-convulsants, anti-depressants nor narcotics, so that leaves very little to work with for pain relief. At this time I'm bed bound, forced to walk with a cane, and the pain is excruciating. My sponsor believes that my body has manufactured pain to justify narcotic use, but I've argued contrary. Some years ago my body was subjected to a trauma not suitable for discussion here but it was very bad and I believe the source of my Fibromyalgia pains comes from the trauma. It wasn't anything I did to myself and I wouldn't have it in my heart to exploit that trauma to use a drug.

I'd like to hear back from other people who are suffering from chronic pain in the programs of either AA or NA, and I pray that someone will be able to steer me toward some kind of information that is more holistic. I do what I can by taking several hot baths a day and sleeping with a heating pad under my back and hip, but I must say it's short acting.

Your stories will be important to me so please share what you can.

Thank you,
Weeza

[barb dwyer]

{{{{{WEEZA }}}}}}}}}

ok. that doesn't even come close.

{{{WEEZA}}}

Holy crap, hon.

ok -
(so MUCH is running in my head right now)

first -
my doctor told me about some new fibro diet -
she said it was much like a macro-biotic thing,
but it'd set the fibro treatment comunity on its ear
for its' positive results.

She told me it's very labor intensive,
(I grew up with the macrobiotic thing, so she knew I would reject it right off - and I did)
But Im not where YOU are, either.

I am one of those 'up to my eyeballs in AA' people
who sees not problem
what
so
ever

with utilizing the vast array of medications prescribed
*using them AS perscribed*
to combat pain.

I am of the mind that
if I am using a drug
and I'm not avoiding life
I'm not abusing it just to be 'high'
I"m taking the drug so I can be INVOLVED in life

then there's nothing wrong with that.

It's the people who
pretend to have problems
just to get drugs
whom I have a problem with.

We needn't suffer, jsut because we're sober.

There's an abysmal difference
in taking drugs in order to be alive
and taking drugs
to escape the process of livingness itself.

I hope you'll check out that diet!
She told me it was in like ...Switzerland or something.

[DesertEyes]

Hello weeza, and welcome to our corner of recovery

I am a grateful member of AA, have been clean and sober 29 years now. For those who care about such things, my sponsor lineage goes to Johny H, Clancy I, and Chuck C. The _official_ position of AA on the subject of medications for medical conditions can be found here:

Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets

and you can download the pamphlet here:

http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-11_...ersMedDrug.pdf

The short version is

1- Only a licensed physician can make a medical diagnosis. With all due respect to your sponsor and friend, they are _not_ licensed physicians and have no business giving medical advice.

2- Your sobriety is between you and your Higher Power. If you sponsor is uncomfortable with that then your sponsor can go find somebody else to sponsor.

As far as my personal experience in the matter. I have a disease called "Autonomic Neuropathy", which slowly destroys the nerves and blood vessels in the center of my body. Besides being unbelieavably painful, it damages my organs such that they gradually quit working. Currently my heart and stomach are affected, with my lungs and throat not so much.

The average lifespan with my disease is 5-7 yrs, with 10 yrs being the record. I just started my fifth year, and I intend to break the record I have had 11 heart attacks caused by this disease, three of which resulted in "asystole". That means my heart stopped, no blood pressure, no EKG. I've been in ICU 7 times over this. Oh yeah, along the way I also needed brain surgery.

I could go on. Basically, my health sucks and one of these days I'm going to move on to the Big Meeting in the sky.

No. I have not lost my sobriety, or my sanity. I take the meds _exactly_ as my doctors have instructed. I follow their directions in all matters. I keep precise records as to when, how much, and why I take each med. The _quality_ of my life has not been damaged by these meds. I have a good relationship with a charming lady, sponsor a couple guys, go to meetings when my health allows, and even hold down a simple desk job.

It's not the _chemicals_ I take that determine whether I am in recovery or not. It's _why_ I take them and how they affect my life. I learned that from the program of Overeaters Anonymous.

Weeza, you just stick close to this computer forum cuz we are walking right beside you on this little side-road of recovery.

Have some ((((( gentle hugs ))))) cuz I know how it hurts.

Mike

[barb dwyer]

*thanks*

[Weeza]

Hi Barb and Mike,
thanks so much for your shares and support. It is a confusing time for me because I've battled with whether or not I've really slipped since my use of pain medications were doctor prescribed but I am at fault for not disclosing the matter with my sponsor so out of respect for her program experience, I've followed her direction to phone daily and do the 90 in 90 days.

It's been a humbling experience.

Not one of us ever wishes to encounter permanent disabling pain but eventually it will happen for all of us as we age and move up in years with sober time. I was very proud of my eighteen years with not drinking or getting high throughout that whole while, and presently am struggling with pain while sober and clean without any medication. But it's a tall order to live less of a quality life because the medication did at least reduce the pain so I could be a functioning member of society. At best all I can do for most of the day is stay in bed with a heat pad, then go out when there's an errand or meeting to attend.

I will have an appointment with a new doctor tomorrow afternoon to review my medical chart and advise me on what's the next course of action. If it should happen that I'm told pain medication or some other medication is what's needed to alleviate pain, after going two weeks without, I'm ready to cry UNCLE and if my sponsor tells me it's not good enough, I'll tell her then to come down with Fibromyalgia and see what it's like to be forced bed bound with unrelenting pain.

This is about all I can type for now but I thank you for taking the time to write me, especially when you yourselves are likely hindered by pain to type.

I will look into the Swiss macrobiotic diet idea, Barb... I also was macrobiotic for a year and it was not fun food for sure, but at this point I'll try anything. Eliminating refined foods and wheats plus acids is a good idea because my IBS might have some celiac disease association and it's been suggested that I eliminate such foods... so long fast food!

take care,
Weeza

[vicodaniel]

congratulations on having the courage to try marijuana, if you are using it as directed its working and is not negatively impacting your life who are your sponsors or anybody else to tell you its bad. I realize that Na or AA are great tools for quiting, but everybody is different and compared to the other drugs you mentioned marijuana is the least harmful and most holistic. The main thing I do not like about the above mentioned organizations is this all or nothing thing, it may work for many, but no method or ideology works for everybody.

[meditation]

Hmmm glad that you found something. Pot is something I can't do. I have a heart condition that reacts badly to this causes it to speed up and that causes a need for defibrillator pads and heart medications to shock me into a regular rhythm. And I get terribly paranoid on that stuff, it messes with my head. I personally consider pot to be very dangerous to me. And instead of it being a gateway drug for me it was a gate locking drug because I never considered using cocaine due to my heart rate problems.

I have had some crippling back issues that left me unable to walk for 4 months after my child was born. I was not an addict at the time and never considered narcotics with a baby so I used a TENS unit and that helped while I was getting physical therapy 3x a week. It made the difference.

I am so thankful I got out of narcotic hell before they sent me off to a pain management clinic, I saw the problems people were having in rehab trying to get off methadone.
There are some great alternative therapies out there, it's just trial and error on finding one that works. Hope you are feeling better now and got some relief.

[Weeza]

Hi Meditation. Actually, I discontinued medical cannabis three weeks ago. My experience with it after a 20 year hiatus was brief, two months, and not taken to a loaded effect (2 short puffs once or twice a day with some days of no use). It must sound like a cheat for some sober people because they may associate medical cannabis to street drugs, but they're two different plants-- one is illegal and not medically prescribed, and the other is legal, prescribed by a doctor' with specific instructions for use to achieve the therapeutic value without experiencing a loaded effect...

I've done what I can with holistic medicines, acupuncture, reiki, etc, but chronic pain forced me into pain management. Yet as I realized where that road would take me, (debilitating dependency), I quit pain management and sought alternative therapies, going for months without medication and being confined to bed for it.

So when my doctor suggested medical cannabis, I did tell him about my sobriety of 18 years and how I don't want to risk losing my conscious contact with God, but the doctor was thorough on how the medication could be safely used, and I followed the directions. All the same, while the medical cannabis helped numerous health issues, I didn't care for it. My rheumatologist has since prescribed a non-narcotic which helps me be able to walk and stand with less pain, so the medical cannabis is no longer necessary, although the new medication causes vomiting... however I don't dare mix the two medicines, script or not.

[Weeza]

Hi Vicodaniel, thanks for being kind. I've come into a lot of flack lately because of the brief use of medical cannabis, and as of this week, my sponsor fired me because I took a new medication prescribed by my rheumatologist. I'm down to just this medication now and it's a non-narcotic. The medication helps me able to to walk, and through walking, build muscle and get exercise enough so I can sleep and break bad insomnia causing Fibromalgia flare ups. It's sad to lose my sponsor over this and be told by her that I'm going to die soon from a drug overdose, but she's totally wrong because I live for my kid, I write the time down when a pill is taken, and I take as prescribed (as needed) so as I only need to be standing half the day, I only use half the day's dose. I'd use the medical cannabis to help me fall asleep since I don't do sleeping pills, but it's been 3 weeks since I used cannabis medication.

Ah, but now Im finally tired and will try to get some sleep. take care, happy holidays

[Lenina]

Weeza,

Enjoy your sleep! Have you tried using Self-hypnosis CD's for sleep? They usually work pretty well for me. Here's a little technique for sleep that sometimes helps me: Get into bed in your comfortable sleeping position. No lights, TV or anything. Close your eyes and mentally recite a long poem or verse you know by heart. Focus only on the words.

I use "The Jabberwocky" as it's long, nonsense and actually know it! I am in a fibro flare myself so I haven't been sleeping well. I got eight hours last night! I feel better today!

Love,

Lenina

[noubledegative]

hi, thanks for sharing it sounds like you've got it really tough...im encouraged by your post. im a 31 yr old male & have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for 2 1/2 years now. and its been a rough road...ive only being trying to face up to my alchoholism for the last year & even now im only sober 30days. things are going well on that front, but soberin gup is forcing me to face my chronic pain head on.

but saying that, i take 200mg of diclophenac (NSAID) daily and this enables me to function...without the medication i am crippled...i cant really move & it is scarey...i am worried at the moment as i feel the diclophenac is losing its effectiveness...baiscally my pain is getting worse, i used to be able to sleep till 8am & wake relativly painless...but lately the mornings have been shocking waking with aches etc. 6:30am regardless of wen i get to sleep.

i desperately want to be healed from this & any advice i will listen to.

has anyone been healed from it?

im trying Qi GOng & having a healthy diet & gonna try accupuncture.i dont want to spend my life in pain...

wings clipped

[Found]

There is no 'all or nothing' in the real AA. Take your prescription medicines. Your 'sponsor' was not holding AA views.