desire to change...need to pull the strength out of me

[SDgirl323]

Hi friends,

First of all i'd like to say i am very blessed to have found this site. I look forward to signing on and participating in the meetings and chatting with fellow addicts. It really makes you feel like you are not alone and there are people out there sharing the same illness as you that are willing to give feedback and advice about my situation.

I am here today to tell my story for those of you who will listen and look forward to and feedback that comes my way!

When i was in my pre teens i was very awkward and insercure about myself. I desperetly tried to fit in with the cool crowed. I so i then found my place with the so called "druggies" of my school. i started off with the hard stuff..extacy,lsd,mushrooms,ketamine,cocaine etc.. i started losing weight and growing out of my akward pre teen body and the confidence came along with the new image and drug use. I soon became a part of the "cool" crowed. As time progressed, my senior year of HS i was mixing drugs, "candy flipping" "speed balling" etc. i got heavily addicted to cocaine and oxys.

19 years old i decided i needed a change, thats when i decided to pack up everything ive known for a new start 3000 miles away in souther california. wanted to get my lice on track.

2 months of living her i was involved in a serious car acccident, i now have a buldging disc in my L1 ..L4...and L5. and yes youve guessed it. ioated are a BIG part of my life.

It has been 4 years since my car accident and my body depends on these pills. when my bottle runs short, i panic, i sweat, i feel like crawling out of my skin.

Now, i have the desire to change. although i still am in chronic pain, ive decided to make an appt with my dr to try to ween myself off these horrible little pills. i am very very very terrified of this and am extremely afraid of w/d. i know how bad it is just when im low on pills, cannot imagine not having any at all.

so here i am with my pills, and my glass of wine desperatly seeking for help and guidence. The suckers control my life. i take four before i even get out of bed to start my day. im a mess, but it is in me to change i can feel it.

Thanks for listening,

-SD

[Freedom1990]

First of all, welcome to SR. Admitting that you have a problem is a huge step! :ghug

I have degenerative disk disease and also have a bulging disk in the L4-L5 region. I have a pain management specialist who does injections every 6 months to help with the sciatica (pain shooting down into my legs), and had just started another round of physical therapy, but had to have hernia surgery, so that has been put off for awhile.

Please keep posting, and welcome! :ghug

[lizw]

Welcome.

I'm a recoverying alcoholic/addict, been sober/clean 10 years and have MS and fibro which I was diagnosed with 2 years ago.

Sounds like you are heading in the right direction and I have always been honest with my Doc/s due to fear of relapse.

I expereince varying degrees of pain and am on a daily dose of nortrip - other than that I use wheat packs and lots and lots and lots of rest.

Let us know how it goes with your Doc.

[GlennMatthew]

Originally Posted by SDgirl323

Hi friends,

First of all i'd like to say i am very blessed to have found this site. I look forward to signing on and participating in the meetings and chatting with fellow addicts. It really makes you feel like you are not alone and there are people out there sharing the same illness as you that are willing to give feedback and advice about my situation.

I am here today to tell my story for those of you who will listen and look forward to and feedback that comes my way!

When i was in my pre teens i was very awkward and insercure about myself. I desperetly tried to fit in with the cool crowed. I so i then found my place with the so called "druggies" of my school. i started off with the hard stuff..extacy,lsd,mushrooms,ketamine,cocaine etc.. i started losing weight and growing out of my akward pre teen body and the confidence came along with the new image and drug use. I soon became a part of the "cool" crowed. As time progressed, my senior year of HS i was mixing drugs, "candy flipping" "speed balling" etc. i got heavily addicted to cocaine and oxys.

19 years old i decided i needed a change, thats when i decided to pack up everything ive known for a new start 3000 miles away in souther california. wanted to get my lice on track.

2 months of living her i was involved in a serious car acccident, i now have a buldging disc in my L1 ..L4...and L5. and yes youve guessed it. ioated are a BIG part of my life.

It has been 4 years since my car accident and my body depends on these pills. when my bottle runs short, i panic, i sweat, i feel like crawling out of my skin.

Now, i have the desire to change. although i still am in chronic pain, ive decided to make an appt with my dr to try to ween myself off these horrible little pills. i am very very very terrified of this and am extremely afraid of w/d. i know how bad it is just when im low on pills, cannot imagine not having any at all.

so here i am with my pills, and my glass of wine desperatly seeking for help and guidence. The suckers control my life. i take four before i even get out of bed to start my day. im a mess, but it is in me to change i can feel it.

Thanks for listening,

-SD

that feeling you feel... that makes you feel like you can change... thats god. and if you take one thing from me, from MY experience, is that he is right. you CAN do it! its easy, but not simple. its very difficult to change our way of thinking, especially when it comes to physical pain... but the body is an amazing thing... very resilient. keep strong!
you can do it.