My appointment with the specialist this morning...

[Freedom1990]

Seriously, my time would have been better spent picking up dog crap in the back yard. I filled out all my paperwork ahead of time (they sent out a packet in advance), my appointment was at 10 this morning, I walked out of there at 1 this afternoon, and spent 10 minutes with the specialist. Does that tell you anything?

I realize pain is subjective. I seriously considered ripping his arm off and beating him over the head with the bloody end of it to give him a good estimate of the pain.

I know what the MRI looks like. Yes, that particular disk does still look hydrated, doesn't it? There is leakage however. Yes, that is a slightly different color than the others, indicating leakage from the disk. There is pain there, Mr. Specialist. It's like a flamethrower when I get up from a sitting position, if I bend over to clean the cat litter box and then try to stand up.

My back is cooked after a measly 5 minutes of mopping my kitchen floor. I have trouble picking up the dogs' dishes after feeding time, for Pete's sake. Driving more than an hour in my car sets the back spasms into high gear.

I was already planning my next step by the time I walked out of there or else I might have just driven myself into the closest telephone pole, honestly.

I can have a discography done locally here at the hospital to see if that particular disk is indeed the main culprit of my pain. I don't need to drive the 60 miles again to get that done, thank you very much. I'll faithfully complete my 4 weeks of physical therapy that Mr. Specialist ordered that has not helped in the past, gritting my teeth while I'm made to stretch and hurt and 'atta girl' and all that good stuff.

If the discography does indicate that the leaking disk is the problem, then I will have my AA sponsor find out just what surgeon some of his co-workers have gone to who have had minimally invasive surgery to correct the very same problem, and were back to work in a very short period of time.

I'll gimp the rest of my life if need be because I will not have vertebra fused that Mr. Specialist presented as my only surgical option, thank you very much.

Now I think I'll have a good cry since I'm off the highway and in the safety of my own home.

[DesertEyes]

Hey there DeVon ((((( hugs )))))

That just sucks about the specialist. What a huge waste of time. I am _so_ sorry you had to go thru all that. I've had my share of idiots disguised as docs and I know how hugely depressing it can be.

Good for you taking action and making plans. And yes, definetly talk to those people your sponsor knows about. You're doing the right thing by being pro-active and shopping around for a good doctor. That's what I've done and it's made a _huge_ difference in my life.

You stay in bed tonite and take care of _you_, you have earned it today. I'll be praying extra for you tonite, cuz you're a sweetie and I care about you.

Mike

[Freedom1990]

Oh Mike, thank you so much for your kind words because I surely needed them tonight. Youngest AD is still at her after-work Christmas party (at Pizza Hut) and I just feel so blue.

I guess I shouldn't have walked in there with expectations of any sort.

I will definitely be talking to my AA sponsor because he works for a huge trucking company based in Wichita (where I went to see the specialist at), and I KNOW those co-workers had the surgeries in Wichita, so it is available in my area.

I was just really discouraged to have a young surgeon, and one who is known for newer 'minimally invasive' back surgeries to only present me with the option of vertebral fusion. He even sat there and said it's a 50/50 crap shoot on the success rate. No thanks.

I've been in counseling for a year now because the depression has been more than I can handle through my recovery program alone. I haven't been able to get in to see my psychiatrist to bump up my dosage of Cymbalta because he was out due to serious health issues, but I finally have an appointment on the 6th with him.

I just feel bloody worn out right now. Chronic pain sucks!

Okay, I'm done whining! Now where's my cheese?

[51anna]

Hi DeVon,

You really sound like you've got a good grip on the situation, in spite of the idiot doctor. I do know what it's like when you have an appointment set up that you think will really be a turning point, and then it flops. And, you're left with the disappointment. Good for you for having a plan of action. I have found that when I gave away my control to a dr, I became very depressed. For me, I have to feel like I have choices.

[DesertEyes]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

.... and I just feel so blue.....

'tis the season to feel blue, ya know? And good for you venting it out of your system so you can get back to life.

We're having a bunch of people over tomorow for a potluck. g/f has been cleaning and dusting and vacuuming and washing and on and on. Me? ol pump is acting up, blood pressure is swinging up and down 40 points every hour so I'm not much use at all. I call it the "yo-yo", and I particularly don't want to spend all of tomorow in bed * pouts *

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

.... I was just really discouraged to have....

yup, been there, done that.

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

.... I've been in counseling for a year now because the depression has been more than I can handle through my recovery program alone.....

Good for you getting extra help when you need it. I'm having my masseuse come over on Friday.

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

.... I just feel bloody worn out right now. Chronic pain sucks!....

It _is_ tiring. Very tiring. Sucks the life right outta you. which is why we _must_ take extra care of us and recharge our "emotional batteries" on a regular basis.

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

.... Now where's my cheese?....

* lol *

I just love your positive attitude

Mike (((( gentle hugs ))))

[lizw]

Am sorry to read about your rough time at the doctors.
Merry fckn christmas eh?

Like you I struggle with them too.

Hope the last few days have seen you perk up a bit.

Take it easy.
Liz

[Freedom1990]

Ugh. To add insult to injury, I was in ER 10 days ago for a very nasty gastrointestinal bug, ended up with complications, and was in ER twice yesterday/last night.

I've got to take my 20 year old to a surgical center tomorrow morning bright and early for arthroscopy on her right knee, so I am praying I am over this by day's end.

Just one week without medical crap would be lovely.

[lizw]

Take it easy.

When I get really sick, even my hypochondriac mind finds it hard to beleive how ill I am - and that's saying something!

[DesertEyes]

Hey DeVon, have some ((((( hugs )))))

and yes, a week without medical stuff would be wonderful.

Let us know what the results are on her knee, and how your tummy is holding up.

Mike (((( more hugs )))))

[Freedom1990]

Well, the good news is daughter's arthroscopy went very well. The meniscus was intact, thank God! They did extensive shaving in there with fatty tissue and some other feathery looking material that was impinging on the joint, so she's got a few weeks of physical therapy to look forward to. She's up and around today, albeit gingerly, and the doc's office approved a quick trip with me to Walmart as she does need to keep moving so the joint doesn't freeze up before PT.

My GT tract is having a hard time getting 'normal' again, and yesterday I just felt uncomfortable and 'crampy' (for lack of a better term). At least I wasn't in the bathroom all morning while waiting on daughter's surgery! I'm going to pick up some fiber supplements at Walmart to see if that doesn't help, and the doctor also suggested magnesium supplements.

I have missed so many AA meetings lately due to ER visits and the health issues. Tonight is birthday night (8 this month), so I am going to try my best to get there because I am in desperate need of a meeting!

[DesertEyes]

Lots of good news there, DeVon And yes, get yourself to a meet, even if you have to beg for a ride (which I do on a regular basis)

Mike

[MROBI]

i can feel you desperation. we have all been there it can be a long lonely road to the right dr. i hope you find one. and i hope you get what you need. it took me 3-4 years to get to the right dr.s but once i found them the journey was worth it. they have helped me soooo much. i have my life back. i owe them alot i will never forget how they help me. i wish you the best. let us know how you make out.