I finally couldn't take it anymore...

[Freedom1990]

I went to see my doctor this morning. I've had increasing depression setting in again, my migraines are flaring up badly, and the lower back pain had become intolerable. It seems all these things exacerbate each other.

I had been on Topamax before for the migraines which worked really well, but was getting samples at the time as I couldn't afford it. Thank God the medical card now covers that!

He upped my dosage of Cymbalta to 120 mg (I've been on 90 mg for close to a year now), so we'll see if that doesn't knock out some of the apathy I've felt creeping in, which also includes not showering for two days, which is so unlike me but a sure sign I'm falling into the black hole again. It has also helped with the all over vague 'achey' feelings.

I avoid any narcotics like the plague for back pain because I know my addict mind. I see a pain management specialist, and get a series of injections every 6 months into my tailbone, which knocks out the sciatica, and that's great. However, when I had the last MRI done, although the spinal column hadn't narrowed anymore, I have pronounced bulging in two disks, with some 'spurring' in that area. That has created a continuous muscle spasm in my lower back which is better some days than others.

My blood pressure this morning was 150/100, so needless to say, I told him let's go for some mild short-term muscle relaxers for the pain. I've had those twice in the past year, and when my B/P is up like that, it's time to quit 'toughing it' out. I just hope I get some relief in the next couple of days before I climb up on the grain elevator and start taking pot shots at the local yokels!

[grateful2b]

(((((Freedom)))))
I live with chronic pain and a mood disorder and I am feeling you..
I am glad you are being pro-active and wanting to nip that slippery slope in the bud!
I hope you find some comfort and will be feeling better soon.
mega hugs, and prayers for your healing, Grateful

[laurie6781]

Freedom, like you I have been in recovery for many years.

Like you, I live with chronic pain from several sources. I have degenative disk disease caused by Osteoarthritis, my disks are slowly disappearing. I also have not only alcoholic neuropathy but now have peripheral neuropathy from diabetes.

I learned a long time ago that 'pain meds' are not designed to take the pain away entirely, just to put a blanket on it to make it 'tolerable.' Unfortunately 'tolerable' is different for everyone..

Quite a while ago now, I got myself a 5" x 7" spiral notebook and since that time have 'logged' in each dose of medication I take as to my 'pain.' Yes, muscle relaxers do help....................they keep the muscles in my back from spasming.

All my medications are relavent today to my living a 'semi normal' life. It's a routine and I work VERY CLOSELY with my Dr. I also have a TENS UNIT which has been wonderful. I can put it where my back is acting up the worse and shortly it calms down.

I personally could not handle the Topamax, it made me absolutely crazy, so take Imitrex when I get a migraine coming on or awake to a migraine.

It is hard Freedom, I know. But, it is doable, honest. Like I said I work very closely with my Dr and she knows me pretty well now.

I had to make up my mind a long time ago that my relief COULD NOT and WOULD NOT come from the bottom of a bottle, be that bottle booze or a prescription medication.

Please feel free to pm me anytime.

The nice thing about today is I and YOU don't have to do this alone anymore.

Love and hugs,

[Stubborn1]

I feel for ya. I agree that you can only go so long and you have to find a way to relieve your pain. I get so irratated and I wear my body down.
Last night from a long drive to and from my best friends house I ended up falling asleep at 8:30pm. I have NEVER done that. Even though I didn't feel pain because I take pain meds my body still knew it had been through something.
Take care of yourself. I'll keep ya in my prayers.

[Freedom1990]

I've got an appt with my pain management specialist on Dec. 2 to have him refer me onto a surgeon for a consultation. I had a long talk with my AA sponsor the other night, and this has come down to a quality of life issue for me.

I ended up in ER with the back pain so bad that my BP was still up and I thought the back of my head was going to blow off.

We'll see if he wants another MRI done before I see the surgeon because it's been a year now since the last one and then I'll find out what my options are.

I just know I can't keep this up because it is getting worse.

[grateful2b]

absolutely, quality of life..I am really feeling you on this, Freedom as I suffer with chronic pain...I pray this gets resolved ...and I will be thinking of you on tuesday and saying a prayer...hang in there Grateful

[Eleison]

You're worth taking care of.

[DesertEyes]

Hello there DeVon

Have a _gentle_ (((( hug )))) cuz I know it hurts.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing. You are consulting with your docs and your sponsor to make sure your judgement is correct, and you are taking action to improve the quality of your life. That is the essence of recovery, in my opinion.

I'll be praying for you extra on Dec 2, which happens to be the same day that I go see my neuro-surgeon to discuss a number of issues in the quality of _my_ life. I'll pray for you and you pray for me and both of us will get thru this just fine.

Mike
p.s. I pray for you _every_ day, ya know? I'll just do it extra on Dec 2

[shockozulu]

Just want you both to know that you will be in my thoughts on December 2nd.

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by DesertEyes

Hello there DeVon

Have a _gentle_ (((( hug )))) cuz I know it hurts.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing. You are consulting with your docs and your sponsor to make sure your judgement is correct, and you are taking action to improve the quality of your life. That is the essence of recovery, in my opinion.

I'll be praying for you extra on Dec 2, which happens to be the same day that I go see my neuro-surgeon to discuss a number of issues in the quality of _my_ life. I'll pray for you and you pray for me and both of us will get thru this just fine.

Mike
p.s. I pray for you _every_ day, ya know? I'll just do it extra on Dec 2

Aww Mike, I got up thinking of you this morning and was going to PM you and look, you posted here! :ghug

That works both ways, my dear! Extra prayers to you too on Dec. 2!

DeVon-tired of walking around like Quasi Moto

[Impurrfect]

(((DeVon))) and (((Mike)))

Extra hugs and prayers going out to both of you!

Amy

[Freedom1990]

Well, I have an MRI scheduled bright and early for 7 a.m. on December 12! No biggie as I'm usually up before 6 anyway with elderly dogs. It's been a year so I was overdue for another one. I'll get that put on a CD, and then take it with me to my consultation with a surgeon on the morning of December 24th to see what my options are.

There are some promising new techniques being used now in the area of degenerative disk disease that are less invasive, and less costly than the more traditional surgeries, but are not yet approved by any insurance companies.

For now, I'm just trying to let go of it all, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and do what is put in front of me to do at the moment.

[DesertEyes]

Sounds like all good news, DeVon. You've got doctors willing to explore the latest and greatest, a positive attitude and great recovery. You even get a Xmas gift in the form of knowing what your options are.

We're all gonna be here on Dec 24th waiting to hear what your surgeon said, ya know? Cuz we all care and want to be here for you (((( hugs ))))

Mike

[Freedom1990]

Thanks Mike! I thought it was pretty cool the consultation was the 24th!

I've been blessed with some super medical providers, for sure.

I had a toe amputated a few years ago due to a very hungry brown recluse, and even though it was outpatient surgery (was discharged in a few hours), the surgeon worked closely with me on pain management and I was back to 100% in no time, though I do only 'hang 9' these days.