Experience needed

[kmsj75]

Hi, All!

I have been clean for 3 years next month. I've had my share of med. problems, everything from fibro to Lyme Disease. I have had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) since I was 19. Symptoms are different for everyone, but for me, it is debilitating pain. When it's really bad, it's like being in labor (been there twice!) It has put me in and out of the hospital and at 19 I was told to reduce stress and to take Xanax. I became addicted to benzos and opiods trying to fight the pain and anxiety.

I can go months with no symptoms, then a year with them, etc. Last year, it flared up and I have tried everything to get it under control. Diet changes, herbs, non-narcotic rx's, etc. They want me to reduce stress, but up until 6 months ago I was a single mom of 2 kids who worked as an elementary teacher. Changing jobs isn't really an option right now, as I actually make a decent living- at least more than I could in a beginning position somewhere else.

Hence, my problem now. My doctor is well aware of my addiction and knows I'm very active in recovery. However, everything else has not worked, and I can't just not show up for school on the days that I don't feel well. He prescribed Bellamine-S which is a combination drug- an anti-spasm drug with phenobarbital. He and I talked a long time about it, and it's a very low dose. He only gave me 15 for a month, and told me only to take it when it's really bad.

Ok- here's where I need some experience-

I have only taken it twice since having filled it 2 months ago. My sponsor and my husband (who is a recovering alcoholic) know about it, and I always tell my husband if I take it.

My sponsor thinks that just because we are addicts doesn't mean that we don't have the same right to pain relief as "normies." She thinks it is not necessary for me to suffer on a day to day basis, but that I have to stay gut honest with myself and know my motives when taking it.

It scares me when I take it- because it works SO well! I know I'm taking it for medical purposes, but in a way it still feels like i am using. I recently quit smoking for the same reason- for me, I had reached a point where cigs were my last drug, and I wanted to be completely clean.

I'm torn- it works, and I have to be able to work/play mommy, but at the same time, I feel guilty because I get that " relaxed" feeling.

Any advice?

Thanks!!
K

[deezaldog]

I think it is great that you recognize what could happen. If you were not scared it could be more of a concern. We should not have to suffer in pain. Stay honest with others and yourself. When you stop being honest you should start worrying. Sounds like you are on the right path, stay on it and don't sway. Sounds like you have a great support system and you use it. Keep on and I hope you feel better.
Quick note about myself. My addiction has caused liver trouble and heart problems. I have had to stop all meds. Hormones and ibuprofen are liver toxins. I have a hard time walking every step. I keep on going in pain. Exercise is painful but pain is worse if I don't. Hot flashes in summer are not fun. These are the consequences of my actions so I must accept and move on.
It is great you can take something for pain relief. Stay honest!

[suki44883]

My sponsor thinks that just because we are addicts doesn't mean that we don't have the same right to pain relief as "normies." She thinks it is not necessary for me to suffer on a day to day basis, but that I have to stay gut honest with myself and know my motives when taking it.

Sounds to me like you have a pretty smart sponsor. I agree with her completely!

[lizw]

For Fibro and the symptoms I get from having MS. I was 8 years when I was diagnosed with MS and 9 years for Fibro.

I went for a period without taking any meds (6 weeks) and I could have easily been commited to the mental hospital, I was so nutty from lack of sleep, pain and mood swings. When I started taking meds again I could 'feel' my body relaxing too. I assume most peoples bodies are in that relax state most of the time and my illness takes that from me. My sponsor told me no amount of recovery/meetings/readings/4th steps etc...were going to fix my medical conditions.

AA has a phamplet about meds, I think there is a link here somewhere for it.

I also sponsor a lady who takes medication for her illnesses, only after 6 years of trying to 'cure herself' like I did but I only did it for 6 weeks!!! She also mentioned the 'relaxing feeling' and since I don't take the meds she does, I can only assume some of this feeling is actually just 'mental relief' as she's not fighting the pain anymore.

I think a lot of people (in AA) have misconceptions about pain relief (I used to be one) and the good thing about the AA phamplet is it says it is diff for everyone and each person must judge and be responsible for the choices they make themselves.

Dunno if any of that is helpful but whatever you choose will be right for you.

[carolm]

I have been clean from coke for fourteen years. However, I have had some major medical problems since then which required pain medication. I talked to a friend and member of AA and he said it's all about how you feel spiritually. I feel that, without the med., I would have gone crazy, esp. after total hip replacement. Another AA friend told me to make sure my doctor knew I was an addict, which it seems yours does. That way he will only perscribe a low amount of med. Also, my friend told me to have another member or my husband hold my pills for me. I didn't do that, but like you I told my husband when I was taking a pill.
For me, the big thing is am I trying to get high or am I trying to get some relief? The funny thing is you don't really get high when you take med for pain and take the correct dosage.
I have no pain now and I take no med. Listen to your sponser and be true to yourself and you'll be ok. Good luck.
Carol