Positive Saturation

[barb dwyer]

HI -

I'm going through a bit of Soberrecovery withdrawal - I had gootten quite spoiled to the super zippy computer at work, and the ten hours per night I had to do nothing but post and read YOUR posts.

Now, I have to come down stairs, and limit my time to what's convenient for my neighbor, who's kindness in allowing me complete access to her machine ...
is probably more than *I* would offer someone, I can tell you that for sure!

I want everyone to know I MISS YOU ...
even the ones I don't particularly like.

So I'm missing a good many posts, and threads, with only the time to 'hit' the regular places these days.

So Yes -

I did find that there's NOTHING here. In Butte, I mean.
For pain, for thyroid, for anything. Although there *IS* a very good breast cancer survivor network here, I don't qualify for that one.

I've given myself to the end of this week to get accustomed to the new medication, let some of the swelling go away, that kind of thing, and continue my own recovery and the purpose of quitting the job in the first place which was to return to a SPIRITUAL way of being, a positive outloook, and a DAY oriented waking time.

For now - I'm SATURATING in the positive.

When I sobered up, I completely IMMERSED myself in recovery.
Nothing else existed.
I ate breathed walked and talked AA,
I read everything I could get my hands on about the topic,
and I made up my mind
that I was going to make permanent positive change in my life.
And DO ...
whatever it IS that Spirit
spared me to accomplish in the first place.

Now I'm doing the same thing again,
two years later, only this time -
it's with my health.

So for now, I thought maybe I'd share what I'm doing ...
as I can get down here to post and read.

I'm only watching 'fun' tv, videos, and movies.
comedy, laughter, and smiles is the thing for me.

I watch enough fo the news to be informed, but not long enough to get 'caught up' in what they're reporting.
I mean, if a tornado blasts somewhere -
I watch long enough to put them in my prayers.

I'm only reading boks about hypothyroidism, pain management, spirituality, or humor.

I know.
I read a LOT.

Terry Pratchett - is my AOC (author of choice) but I'm starting to get into this guy Christopher Moore (I *think* that's his name)
I recommend the book 'Lamb' ... I got a kick out of it.

Around the house -
the only goal is to do ONE more thing ...
than I did yesterday.

I got my kitchen back in order and that eased my mind considerably. It got to the point there, that I hurt SO bad, I couldn't even mop without having to lie down for a couple of hours waiting for my hip or back to pop back into place.

So I'm keeping on keeping on -
and will be here as much as I can
without getting on the neighbor's nerves.

But I think about everyone here every single day,
and include everyone in my prayers.

[stone]

[Rowan]

Hey Barb

Check out 'You Suck' also by Moore - it's highly entertaining. I got a kick out of Lamb too, although I felt like I was going to get struck by lightning for reading it

God Bless!

[nandm]

Barb, you are missed here at SR. Good to see you checking in. Keep up the positive, it sounds like it is doing good.

[barb dwyer]

Rowan - yeah, I was looking at that one.

I liked 'coyote blue' too - but mostly cuz it took place up here.

NandM -
I called the landlord and asked her to bring over the weedeater that I'd hit the front a bit at a time - the place looks so trashy - I don't know why she's not been around....
she's not a 'normal' landlord... so not seeing her is odd.

I'm also trying to watch things I say, to keep on the positive side you know?

Sometimes, I know - ya just gotta RAG ....
but you get the drift - people prefer to be around people who are positive anyway.

[Dee74]

I want everyone to know I MISS YOU ...
even the ones I don't particularly like.

noted
D

[barb dwyer]

hi everyone -

ok so an update!!!

other than I MISS EVERYONE! I'm constantly asking stone to tell me what's going on here...LOL

ok -

went back to the doc, I may have mentioned - got another blood test,
this is a different doctor.

I showed him the swelling in my legs and flatly stated -
"I don't know whose legs these are bvut these are not MY legs."
I told him flat out what was going on with me

and he promptly upped my thyroxin dose.
put me on diuretics,
two prescriptions for pain ...
and all that.

In two weeks -

I'm a different person.

My legs look like my legs again
except for being a tad ORANGE due to my
experiment with a different kind of self tanning lotion.

*live and learn die and forget it all*
as my daddy used to say...

I have energy for tasks as long as I don't try to rush and
don't try to CRAM aditional tasks.

There is no 'tricking' the thyroid into thinking it's putting out more energy than it is.
Those days are over for me.
So this is a whole new way of being I've got to learn.

I still hurt -
don't misunderstand -
but it's manageable right now.
I am able to think about other things again for the first time in months.

I went to a bbq at my neighbor's house the other weekend.
I made the 'condiment and dressings' trays.
Which entailed a good bit of standing at the counter, prepping food to dress hamburgers.
Slicing onions, laying out cheesees, that kind of thing.

Tow months ago -
I could NOT have stood there that long and accomplished that task.

My neighbor came up to me and said,
"*barb* do you realize it's been since thanksgiving that you've been able to visit here, and not had to leave in half an hour?"
She was teary - eyed.

And no, I hadn't realized that.
But she was right -
the thanksgiving dinner at her house was the last real *outing* I'd had since all this really crashed and burned.

I am keeping this new doctor.
Period.
he did more for me with ONE prescription than the other
woman has done for me in two years.

I'm watching the sunsets and sunrises,
am going out and looking at the stars at night
it's been kinda cloudy though -
but the forecast for this weekend is brilliantly clear.
so i'll be out there looking for the Auruora borealis.

I think about all of you often throughout the day
and I try to include everyone by name in my prayers,
but sometimes I just do a 'blanket blessing' thing for my family at SR.

[Impurrfect]

awww, Barb, I'm SOOO glad to see you back! You have definitely been missed.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[shockozulu]

barb, I have missed you a lot.

I am glad you are getting help from your new doctor. This is wonderful news! Please know that even when you aren't "here" you are in my thoughts daily.

[barb dwyer]

thanks so much {{{alera}}} and

hey {{{perr}}} how's the whole car thing hapenin for ya?

Not as good a day today - it got a bit too hot for me, I think... and as usual I tried to get too much done. so I'm kinda 'laid up' tonight knees and ankles, doncha know.

*groan*

I found another 'sympton' this afternoon as well - paper - thin fingernails.
Went to tear into a grapefruit
trying to do the whole healthy eating thing...
and bent the first three fingernails on my hand backwards

oh
my
GOD
did that ever hurt.

Live n' learn.
I mean, there it was, right in the book ...
thin, brittle fingernails...

got my mind right OFF my feet, lemme tellya!

good grapefruit, tho.
one of those Ruby river things you practically bathe in before you get 'em peeled.
Have to eat it standing over the sink, they're so juicy.

Thought it'd be good for a grin at least to share it here.

LOL!

Actually, I miss y'all pretty fierce - like.

I'm turning in early tonight - maybe the neighbor will be gone someplace tomorrow....

[barb dwyer]

YAY!

Made it down for some quiet reading.

had a few bad pain days right in a row, dunno what was up with that, I think my choice of food might have played a part, but I don't wanna go there.

I'd been eating at least one orange a day -
but there haven't been any GOOD ones in butte for a coupla weeks.
Just these hard as a rock, tasteless, dried up almost crunchy things.
bleah.

I honesstly think that's had a part to play in this little slump.


I don't trust the whole diet thing anyhow - they're always changing what they say, so makes me think they don't really know as much as they write about alla time, ya know?
Drink a buncha water
Don't drink a buncha water.
Folic acid/fiber/carbowhatever/hi low good/bad fat....
GLA.
bla bla bla.
Just shut up already, and hand me a pill, willya?
Call me when you come up with something ... consistent.
I'll be the one in the corner with her eyes glazed over and some kind of pamphlet in my hand.


I'm spending my days learning how much is too much.
Activity - wise, I mean.

yeah-
learning that by doing too much and trying to make a note of it - LOL

I mean, if I"m gonna begin looking for a job here shortly,
I need to know what I'm able to do and not, right?
I got the bill for the last blood test - yowza.

Gonna have to let things set for a month or two before I can do another one of THOSE jobbies - LOL!

Or get a microscope and do it myself.
There *are* 'do it yourself' testing kits then you send 'em off for testing - but the don't service this part of MT.
Yet another disadvantage to the priviledge of living in a paralell world.

Checked.

Anyhow - we knew this was gonna be an eighteen month thing.
I mean, once we read the book.

Luckily -
we're heading into the actual HEAT part of the show
(sdeasonally, I mean) for this year,
and here I am all hypothyroid...
which means
I'm cold alla time.
Gonna save a fortune on cooling costs, I'm sure.

And that, folks, is about as POSITIVE as I can manage for one day!

Hope you're well, Ksos, serenity, teach, stayin... the 'gang'

[Impurrfect]

Hey Barb!

As far as the car, it worked out BETTER than I could have imagined. Driving a "new" used car, same car payments, no down payment and they wrote off what I owed on the other car..even put a new stereo in it for me, and I love it! Never thought something GOOD would come from all that, but it did!

I'm glad you're figuring out what works and doesn't work with diet and activity. I know I get overwhelmed with "what's bad for you today" because by tomorrow, it will change.

I bent just one fingernail back at work last night, and you're so right....hurts like crazy.

I really miss you being here in the middle of the night when I'm off, but glad you're away from your job.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Digginit]

CHRISTOPHER MOORE!!! Yes! I've only read one of his books, but as soon as I saw his name I really DID laugh out loud. HAHA! The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove. Oh. I'll have to read more now that it's on my mind again.


dig

[barb dwyer]

Just dropped in downstairs to say that I ran out of the pain meds on sunday - and I've been 'laying low' until friday's doctor appointment...

another blood test
and then get cleared for a refill.

you know -

everyone
EVERYONE
who has run into me in the last month hsa remarked about how much better I look and it's made me wonder about how did I EVER get through all those months in such pain?

Now, I'm not on (at least I don't think) anything heavy duty - just a bit more heavy than OTC stuff.
And it's made all the difference in the WORLD.

This week OFF of the extra help -
really has been an eye opener.

But something has been going around in muy head so I'm gonna spew it here -
We speak often about pain killer addiction.

Ok.

I want to know who would NOT be addicted
to not hurting?

I don't know about some of this.

Now, as an ex pill popper; I will say -
if you were to give me womthing that 'buzzes' ...
I'd eat too much and too often.

But this past month -
i have had NO problem staying within the prescription.
And got no problems talking to the doc about where and what time of day I need more and what time of day I may not need as much.

I've kept a journal... of the times of day etc. to show him what I mean.

You gotta hand it to the Program -
I would have NEVER thought about goin this route
and following through with it and the recommendations
for pain relief.

[DesertEyes]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

....I want to know who would NOT be addicted to not hurting?...

Feeling normal is not addicting, it's..... normal

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

.... Now, as an ex pill popper; I will say - if you were to give me womthing that 'buzzes' ... ...

I understand. What I get addicted to is anything that relieves me of the responsibility of _living_. It doesn't matter what "it" may be; self-pity, guilt, relationships, chemicals. I'm not afraid of the meds I'm taking, it's not the meds that will get me addicted. It's _me_ and my ego, my low self-esteem, my fears, my insecurities. As long as I keep those in the toilet and me sitting on top reading my Big Book, I'm going to be fine.

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

...
You gotta hand it to the Program -
I would have NEVER thought about goin this route
and following through with it and the recommendations
for pain relief.

Yeah, pretty amazing, huh?

Mike

[barb dwyer]

I came back specifically to check that post -
I'd started coughing down here in the neighbor's house
(she's got a cat, who I LOVE - but am having more severe than usual reactions to lately)

And It was getting really bad when I posted this and I couldn't remember if I'd made the point or not...

I like what you said, Desert, about the being relieved the responsibility of living.
I think that's much better put what I was trying to say in the first place.

I'm not trying thei medication to EXCAPE life.
I'm trying to utilize a resource in order to PARTICIPATE more effectively.

I think that's more what I was saying.

Thanks!!!

I always love reading your posts.

[lizw]

Dunno if I spelt that last word right but I think (in my nearly last 2 years expereince) this is what can happen in AA and to AA members.

I swear I was so anti pain medication when I was diagnosed and had to reach a point where I was going to end up in the nuthouse before I took anything.

Thank fully, for me, that only took about 2 months and included extreme body temp changes, my spine aching constantly, the feeling that the bones in my back were getting crushed/ground together and my biceps cramping all on their own.

Obviously this affected my ability to care for my daughter too!!

Following being alcoholic, I think I (for one) am a martyr and like to scarifice myself for a 'good cause'. It can't be as easy as just taking a pill eh? Why that's just too easy and I need to suffer. lol.

I think being sick as actually taught me that yes while I am an alcoholic, I'm not an idiot. God didn't get me sober to get me stoned on pain killers eh?

The other thing I have learnt is, until I have completed my years of doctors/medical training, I shouldn't pass judgement on anothers choice to use medication and that I sholud be an example to others and encourage them to do the same.

Liz

[barb dwyer]

I swear I was so anti pain medication when I was diagnosed and had to reach a point where I was going to end up in the nuthouse before I took anything.

well put.

Off to the doc in the am - thank GOD.

I did a really large cleaning of the apt today - and am really hurting.

BUT-
I can't handle 'backup' non-cleaning stuff, ya know?
I *eased* around for most of it - just one thing at a time kind of deal,
*as if*
I could SNEAK some mopping and acrubbing under the radar
and my legs wouldnt notice it or something.
unfortunately ...
my body caught on really early in the game and decided to tell me about it.

But I feel okay knowing I'm in at the doc in the morning,
and can come home to a MOSTLY spiffy domicile.

It's time to get back on the work thing, and I have my little list of 'times' that I've been keeping this past month. I hope we can work something out so I can stagger meds and work.

Thanks everyone!