Morphine Pump for Chronic Pain; My Decision.

[ksos]

Hello Everyone...

I know I told some members here that I was needing a break from posting and from Sober Recovery in general. This is because I have to focus all of my energies on my job search as well as an upcoming surgery.

Honestly, I needed to think about how I should bring up a topic which is certainly controversial n the area of pain management. Just for other's knowledge, I have chronic pancreatitis, and I have had it since January of 2004.

Essentially, my pain management physican and I have decided that the best course of treatment at this point will be the insertion of a morphine pump into my back. I am no longer reponding to oral medication. I was told that the procedure is a 15 minute one which is performed in a hospital and will require surgery on my lower back and will allow for the insertion of a disk-like object which is the actuial pump device.

I will be removed off of all methadone and nueronton and simultaneously administered the morphine in what will be a temporary pump. I will need to be hospitalized for three days in order to see if this pump works effectively, and if it does, I would have the actual device placed in my back. I was told by my pain doctor that I will know immediately if the device is working, as all of my pain will be gone. In addition, all of the "druggy" signs like slurred speech, cloudy thinking, will disappear, as the medication will be directly hitting my pancreas.

I had been holding off on my pain doc's recommendation that I do this, until I did receive a second opinion. I felt as if I could manage the pain effectively by simply taking the medication as prescribed as well as receiving epidural injections, but, thus far, the pain is at the point were my quality of life is severely compromised.

I spend about 20 hours in bed, can walk maybe a block or 2 at the most, and must work as I am on the brink of homelessness. I have been told by job coaches as well as my doctor, and family that my speech is extremely slurred and that I look "stoned". I cannot live like this anymore and the pump will resolve all of these issues.

Well, there it is. I know that there will be reactions and that is cool, even if they are contradictory to what I have elected to do. I feel mixed about this choice honestly. Living a painfree life is basically a dream which is possible according to my PM team. This procedure is 100% reversable if it is not effective.

I appreciate the opportunity to share my situation.

[nandm]

One thought on the subject that immediately comes to my mind is you don't have to worry about abuse issues with the morphine pump since you can not adjust it yourself. That is a positive thing. My personal thoughts are that my HP didn't get me sober to have me miserable so unless I deal with my physical pain I can not be the person I am capable of being. Pain can create irritability, lack of concentration, anxiety, depression, and a whole array of other symptoms. I am sure it is a difficult decision but hopefully you will find a bright new world opened up for you when it is done.

[Impurrfect]

(((Ksos)))

Although I am fortunate to not have to deal with chronic pain, I was a nurse for 12 years and knew many people who did.

I agree with nandm...it's not like you can adjust it to get more. I also know of several people with severe pain that were on pretty big doses of morphine and you would never know it. They were able to go on with their lives and not be in constant pain. I honestly think that when you're pain is relieved, your MORE able to work on recovery issues. Yes, it's a risk, but it looks like you've thought this out and done research and gotten second opinions.

I wish you the best!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[barb dwyer]

{{{{KSOS}}}}

I think you need to do what you need to do, man.

I know several peeps who have had similar procedures and unfortunately, am not in touch with any of them now so I can't give any experience with the 'laters' of their situations.

All were ex - horse trainer types.

But I don't remember a single one of them abusing themselves with the implants so I think your doc is giving you a big sign of trust and also congratulations on your self- management.

[ksos]

Originally Posted by nandm

One thought on the subject that immediately comes to my mind is you don't have to worry about abuse issues with the morphine pump since you can not adjust it yourself. That is a positive thing. My personal thoughts are that my HP didn't get me sober to have me miserable so unless I deal with my physical pain I can not be the person I am capable of being. Pain can create irritability, lack of concentration, anxiety, depression, and a whole array of other symptoms. I am sure it is a difficult decision but hopefully you will find a bright new world opened up for you when it is done.

nandm,

I am shocked at how positive this, as well as the other messages, I see here on this thread, are! I never even considered the issue of control, which i am totally handing over to my pain management team. I completely agree with you that this is a positive issue, and maybe I can start my sober date at that time. I will speak with my sponsor about this, for I just want to be like other members in terms of abstaining from illicit drugs.

Thank you for your post and message of inspiration.

[ksos]

Originally Posted by Impurrfect

(((Ksos)))

Although I am fortunate to not have to deal with chronic pain, I was a nurse for 12 years and knew many people who did.

I agree with nandm...it's not like you can adjust it to get more. I also know of several people with severe pain that were on pretty big doses of morphine and you would never know it. They were able to go on with their lives and not be in constant pain. I honestly think that when you're pain is relieved, your MORE able to work on recovery issues. Yes, it's a risk, but it looks like you've thought this out and done research and gotten second opinions.

I wish you the best!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Wow! Thanks, Amy, for another truism. My recovery will be central in my life, as I will be able to think, focus, and not be distracted by this burning, killer pain.

I know there are folks here that probably have very different views on this, and please, just because I am for this procedure, I would welcome any other "ESH" or even diametrically opposed positions. I promise that as long as we mutually respect each other, anything can be discussed as adults!

MY MD said what you did, Amy. The pump eliminates the negative symptoms of the narcotic--I mean, I nod out at my computer sometimes or leave my laundry downstairs for days! I cannot live like this anymore, and yes, I have done incredible amounts of research on this procedure as well as the actual effectiveness of the pump...

Thank you, Amy and right back at you with the hugs!

:ghug2

[ksos]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

{{{{KSOS}}}}

I think you need to do what you need to do, man.

I know several peeps who have had similar procedures and unfortunately, am not in touch with any of them now so I can't give any experience with the 'laters' of their situations.

All were ex - horse trainer types.

But I don't remember a single one of them abusing themselves with the implants so I think your doc is giving you a big sign of trust and also congratulations on your self- management.

Barb:

I actually should point out that my MD wanted to do this sometime back, but I told him I was scared of the implant.

I value your opinion very much and I also see this as a sign of trust from him, and I had to do this for myself, and like any procedure, it has its risks and, sadly, may not work--but that is a relatively low percentage, from my readings....

[ksos]

Just as an update....

My insurance WILL APPROVE this procedure...I just need another referral to be faxed to my MD from my other MD. I may be admitted to the hospital as soon as Friday?

All my love to you all,

Ksos

[serenityqueen]

ksos,

I'm so glad that you posted this thread. I had gotten your PM a few days ago and have to admit, my thoughts weren't really good. Although you mentioned surgery, I didn't have any idea that it was of this nature. I hear of people all of the time saying that they are taking a break from meetings and other areas of Recovey Support and no sooner have their words sunk in and they have picked up. I am a firm believer that picking up is the final step of a relapse. And one of the big signs that I have seen and experienced myself is "taking a break."

I know you have been struggling with chronic, severe pain for a very long time. It sounds as though this may be just what you have been Praying for. I know that all of the pills you were having to take, trying to control your pain, weren't doing anything for the pain and only keeping you where you felt as though you are still using to some extent. The pump sounds as though you won't be feeling the "high" effects from the Morphine, just the benefits of the pain killing agents. You have also shared that you have had issues with anxiety and depression and I imagine with the pain gone, these issues will be lessened as well.

Please promise us that you will check in with us. You were doing a great deal of posting which helped me as well as the others get to know you pretty well. While you're healing up and focusing on getting back into the job world, you will, I assume, have a little time here and there to let us know how you're doing. I've come to care a great deal about you and don't want to lose contact. There are many, many folks on here working full time and still have time to pop in and say hello.

I will hold off on the daily meditations for the time being, but an occassional email to say hello and thinking of you will still be coming to your in box.

God Bless and Watch Over You. We'll be watching for you to come back to continue to share YOUR experience, strength and hope with us all.

Love ya,
Judy

[ksos]

Hi Judy,

I am sorry about that pm...I initially was just going to say I was taking a break from the board, but I felt very confused and people with perception, did, in fact, mail me about their concerns. This prompted me to post this event that I never thought would occur.

My Pain doc mentioned that he and I spoke about this, and to be honest, my memory is so foggy that I really didn't recall this talk!

Wow! You have a very keen memory of my issues about anxiety and mental health issues, and you arte on the mark with my understanding that this procedure simply attacks the receptors for pain and not the Mu receptor which is the one that is designated as the one for euphoria, elation, disinhibited behavior, but also the one which I think causes resperatory distress, possible cardiac arrest, etc.

In essence, I can be administered a "high" dosage, which will simply relive the pain. I think that this is a major benefit for my recovery as I will truly feel that I am not taking 21 pills a day, which is actually a lower figure, since I also am on Effexor and Klonopin-the taper continues. I will finally be off of methadone and Nuerontin--I am unsure as to how this is done, which now scares me, as I do not want to kick methadone in the hospital! I am certain that it will be handled appropriately.

Judy! You sound like I am vanishing! I will be back in 3 days! It is a simple procedure he said, and once this thing works, I just come in 4 times a year for refills.

It really sounds like something too good to be true...I hope it is...

Thanks for the support, Judy, and do not stop with your messages of hope, serenity, and caring!

Love always,

K-

[barb dwyer]

ksos -

when are you having this done?

[Freedom1990]

ksos, I wish you nothing but the best, and I do understand the mixed emotions.

Chronic debilitating pain sucks! I have been very fortunate in managing my pain with epidurals, exercise, and NSAIDS, but I don't begrudge anyone proper pain management in a case like yours.

I hope you will share how it's working for you once you are back on your feet. I will keep you in my prayers. :ghug2

[shockozulu]

ksos, I am so excited for you and am sending you good thoughts as you prepare for this surgery. I hope it goes as well as it can and you come home feeling much better. You deserve it.

[serenityqueen]

Wow, did I ever misunderstand your PM! I read it totally different.

Ok, let us know when your to go into the hospital. I will start a Prayer Thread for you , if you don't mind. Then, when you are at home healing up, you can have something with lots of love and good wishes to read!

Keep Coming Back!!
Love ya my Buddy,
Judy

[Impurrfect]

((((Ksos)))

Please do keep us posted. I think once your pain is under control, you will be amazed at how much your life changes...for the better!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[ksos]

Hey Folks...

I'll answer the most obvious question, which is when I am having this done. I probably will find out later today--Friday--since the referral was transmitted to the right place!

I think everything will be coordinated next week--after Tuesday afternoon since I have a huge interview which would be suicide if I miss it! I was rejected for a job that I really wanted since it was "comfortable" for me--but knowing I will feel better after this process, I'll feel like I am capable of applying to positions that are at my level.

All my thanks to Freedom1990, Alera, Judy (of course you can start a prayer thread for me, sweetie!, Barb (as usual), and Amy...You all are such wonderful folks, and I am touched by all your support.

I will certainly tell you all, how this procedure works for me or doesn't work :> (

Love always,

Ksos

[barb dwyer]

positivity, ksos ... and humor.

I think those two components are as fundamentally important as any medication ever created.

[ksos]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

positivity, ksos ... and humor.

I think those two components are as fundamentally important as any medication ever created.

You are so right I agree about about humor, especially. It is difficult to do, yet so vital to recovery-- or just coping. Right now!

Love always,

K-

[Anna]

Ksos,

I'm sorry I missed this thread earlier, but I want to say that it sounds like you are taking steps to make your quality of life much better. Your side-effect symptoms will be gone, your pain will hopefully be gone and you will have an opportunity for a better job. It's all good. My chronic pain pales in comparison to yours, but I know that chronic pain is exhausting and depressing. I hope you check in soon and let us know how you're doing.

[WLDKATZ]

i AM SO GOING TO STICK CLOSE TO THIS THREAD OF YOURS.....THIS IS MY NEXT STEP AND IT IS TERRIFYING ME THE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN MY BACK REALLY SCARES ME BUT THE IDEA OF BEING ABLE TO WALK FREELY AGAIN IS SO INTICING!!!!!

gOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU SAFE!
PAMM

[tangerine13]

Hi Ksos,

You are in my prayers! Hope your surgery is a success.
Tangerine

[ksos]

Originally Posted by 51anna

Ksos,

I'm sorry I missed this thread earlier, but I want to say that it sounds like you are taking steps to make your quality of life much better. Your side-effect symptoms will be gone, your pain will hopefully be gone and you will have an opportunity for a better job. It's all good. My chronic pain pales in comparison to yours, but I know that chronic pain is exhausting and depressing. I hope you check in soon and let us know how you're doing.

Hi 51Anna!

Thank you, Anna! Better late than never! I am really happy to have your 'ESH on this thread, but most importantly, I must say that I am pleasantly surprised at how much positive feedback I've received from you as well as all the members of SR who have truly opened my eyes up to the benefits that can come from this procedure! I am talking about the recovery piece of it and someone here, and I wish I can name this wonderful person, said that now, I am actually not going to be able to take more medication than I am prescribed. I never thought of that, until I read it here.

I think pain is subjective of course, and I will say that I never would even think about doing something like this, if the pain were not excruciating, but your pain is as much of a problem, I am sure, than mine is to me. I mean, maybe you read how hard it is for me to even leave my home and walk one block, which takes me so long...But, I respect everyone's pain because it interferes in our mood, our functioning level, our thoughts concerning self worth...

I am hoping now that I have the approval for the procedure, I will be admitted to the hospital this week. I actually have a huge job interview tomorrow, but no matter what, I must give myself the three days required for this. The actual surgical procedure is less than 30 minutes and I will not be under general anesthetic, rather that "twi-light" kind...The three days are necessary to remove me from the oral medication I am on and begin the trial of new medication and to see if the pump works. I will certainly be bored out of my head--yet, I will be praying, for everything you said about the process is true.

No more feeling "wasted", no more cloudyness, no more of this blurry vision which is why most of my posts have 100 misspellings, and I should feel 100% better, according to my Pain Doc and some patients who have chronic pancreatitis. Sometimes, one must be titrated in the MD's office, but that is normal, and the real benefit is that one only needs to go to the pain specialist 4 times a year instead of once a month. But I also will be off of both methadone and Nuerontin, both meds which cause me very weird side effects...

Your message was so inspirational for me today! I know it is all good!

Thank you,

K-

[ksos]

Originally Posted by tangerine13

Hi Ksos,

You are in my prayers! Hope your surgery is a success.
Tangerine

Tangerine,

I am so glad to hear from you here! I know you're praying for me and that you are here for me, too! All the positive thoughts that are in this thread, are really making me feel that it all will be a success!

Love ya!

K-

[ksos]

Originally Posted by WLDKATZ

i AM SO GOING TO STICK CLOSE TO THIS THREAD OF YOURS.....THIS IS MY NEXT STEP AND IT IS TERRIFYING ME THE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN MY BACK REALLY SCARES ME BUT THE IDEA OF BEING ABLE TO WALK FREELY AGAIN IS SO INTICING!!!!!

gOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU SAFE!
PAMM

Pam,

I know how you feel about the fear...I past this up many times before...My doc said it was the best option for me...I will let everyone know how it is!

Thanks,

Ksos

[Anna]

Ksos,

I wish you good luck on the job interview tomorrow. I hope it goes well.

The morphine pump sounds a bit scary, but really exciting. I hope and pray that it will give you a new lease on life.

Keep us up to date on what's going on this week!