Morphine Pump for Chronic Pain; My Decision.

[nandm]

Thank you both. I looked at the article and did a web search.

I am actually rather relieved and coming to terms with my issues around nursing. I was actually speaking with a friend, who was once my employer, about this subject. When I told her the I felt one of the biggest reasons I am unable to go back to nursing is that "I am tired of watching people die." She said she finally was able to understand. It is nice to have friends that are so supportive and encouraging of me. After 20 years as a nurse and 12 of that working as a paramedic as well I have seen some things no one should have to see. It is amazing the many ways to die. I still have nightmares on a fairly regular basis about the things I have seen and had to do. It is time now for me to take care of me rather than putting all my energy into taking care of everyone else and ignoring my needs. I am finally letting myself acknowledge my pain and work to not let it control my life while doing so.

[ksos]

Boy, that article moved me...I have the utmost respect for RNs, as they are the true caregivers in any hospital...I know that when I was hospitalized for the various reasons in my lifed, there were always compassionate, kind, and took far more interest in the care of the patients than the "5 minutes and I'm history" MDs who make all of the $$$!

Judith, I am really happy to hear you say that you are finally going to give yourself a break. It's about time, huh? I am sure you and Amy have seen things that most of us haven't. Nursing is "service to humanity" and when folks talk about giving back, nurses do on a daily basis. Now it is time for you to "nurse" yourself back to where you want to be...

Ksos

[ksos]

Hey all...

I may not have opened my mouth in a day or so, but I am still here. No pump, but I did see my pain management MD last Wednesday.

I spoke about the period of time it has taken thus far for the insurance approval, and he told me that it was not unusual for insurance companies to take this amount of time to approve hospital admission for this procedure. Apparently, two out of three things were approved; the actual pump, the actual procedure, but not the three day admission to the hospital. Perhaps my insurance wants me to have the procedure done outside of the hospital, on the sidewalk<sardonic grin!) Actually I would consent to it as long as a couple of you agree to hold up the bed sheets, so that my body would not frighten passerbys!

My pain has worsened and my doc gave me the option to take up to 30 mgs more methadone as needed for the pain. Since he said that, I actually have taken less than my prescribed dose, since, ironically, the fact that he mentioned once more that I was slurring my speech, really depressed me. I have 2 more job interviews coming up next week, and my plan is to not take any of my pain medication prior to the interviews. I can probably tolerate the pain if I simply focus on the interview and focus on my speech, but I must obtain employment. I had two terrific interviews last week--as I told everyone, but, as usual, I heard nothing this week, but I knew that other candidates were being interviewed. I did write a thank you note to the one position that I am truly coveting, but it is a wait and pray situation which I need to turn over, now. HP will be there, no matter what!

I love all of you and miss some of you! I hope to be in a suit very soon, but not for an interview. I want a job and know once I receive the morphine pump, I will be able to work.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know of a place where I can order "clip-on" ties? Never understood how to put those things on, and I actually love wearing them, lol!

Bless you all!

Ksos

[Impurrfect]

Sorry I've been MIA for a few days. We have 5 computers in the house on a network, but the dad screwed up the network and has been too busy to fix it, so I can't use my laptop and we are sharing his very slow, dinosaur computer.

That was a GREAT article. GA has a very similar program for "impaired nurses". If I had been SMART, I would have sought help BEFORE I got so far, but what's done is done.

I called my lawyer the other day, and pushed him to get me off probation. Once that's done and the felony is removed from my record (I'm not a felon, I'm a first offender but they screwed up my record), I can proceed with the board of nursing. I think it's still going to take a long, long time but I know that if God wants me to be a nurse again, I will.

In the meantime, I'm looking into some kind of affordable schooling to use my medical knowledge, but get another job in the meantime...billing/coding?

Sorry, KSOS....just hijacked your thread. Tell them you'll do outpatient surgery IF they'll pay for me to be your nurse I still remember most of what I learned! I hate that your in so much pain, but at least 2 of the 3 things that need to be approved, are.

I couldn't sleep yesterday, have been awake for close to 30 hours, so am off to bed.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[51anna]

Hi Ksos,

It seems like things are slowly coming together. Though, I don't blame you for wondering if you're expected to have the surgery on the sidewalk!

Job interviewing is really tough, but you might be right that you can get by without the medication. If you're like me, you'll have lots of adrenaline flowing and be focused on the interview. Hopefully that will work for you. I am praying that the job you want comes through for you and the that surgery is approved very soon.

[DesertEyes]

Hey there ksos

Originally Posted by ksos

... he told me that it was not unusual for insurance companies to take this amount of time to approve hospital admission for this procedure. ...

I've been thru the "medical machine" many times, and yes, it takes them forever. Would you believe _six weeks_ to have heart surgery approved?

Originally Posted by ksos

... Perhaps my insurance wants me to have the procedure done outside of the hospital, on the sidewalk...

* lol * pleeeeeeeese do _not_ be giving them any more ideas !!!!!

Originally Posted by ksos

... I have 2 more job interviews coming up next week, and my plan is to not take any of my pain medication prior to the interviews. ...

rock on!!!! and I'll be praying for ya every minute. Just imagine all us "web friends" are in the interviews with you, whispeing in the managers ear

Originally Posted by ksos

... does anyone know of a place where I can order "clip-on" ties?...

I get mine from Amazon

Amazon.com: tie "clip-on"

Mike

[ksos]

Originally Posted by 51anna

Hi Ksos,

It seems like things are slowly coming together. Though, I don't blame you for wondering if you're expected to have the surgery on the sidewalk!

Job interviewing is really tough, but you might be right that you can get by without the medication. If you're like me, you'll have lots of adrenaline flowing and be focused on the interview. Hopefully that will work for you. I am praying that the job you want comes through for you and the that surgery is approved very soon.

Hi Anna,

I agree that things are getting together, despite the wait which the doc told me is not unheard of, or unusual. I am simply always afraid of disappointments when I hear there is something that will work, although he seems a bit overly enthusiastic about the procedure, which always scares me as well!

I have experimented by going to one out of two interviews not medicated at all, and while I was in pain, I certainly was alert and thought is was one of the best interviews I ever had, in fact. I was clear-headed, did not lose focus at all, and we ended up having an hour and a half interview.

I have not heard from them, but I did e-mail a "Thank you" note to the two interviewers and hope that I am called this week for a second interview. I would be ecstatic and obviously would need to have this procedure done hopefully before I started. Anyway, we shall see!

[ksos]

Mike....

I certainly can believe a six week insurance wait on heart surgery..You must have the same crappy insurance I have! I mean, heart surgery, even in my egotistical mind, is a bit more imperative than a morphine pump being placed in one's back. Where have all the good times gone?

BTW, thanks for the tie link...They actually carry pretty awesome and inexpensive ties. Usually, the ones that I am stuck looking at are the ones for security guards or rent a cops. The ones at Amazon are better than the ones I looked at on eBay, which makes sense!

Thanks for all your support on the interview end, too.

Oh, and if my friend Amy is my nurse, she may have to work for free as my insurance company doesn't even pay for a smock or a cap, let alone a trained professional nurse!

I'll keep you all up to date on the happenings in my rather odd life...BTW, hijacking this thread may actually bring a smile to my face--That is, once I receive insurance approval and a darn good job!

Love ya Live!

[serenityqueen]

patience/patients

Seems as though insurance companies are waiting for patients to lose their patience and say forget it.

Continue to keep your head up and realize that with each day that passes, you're one more day closer to the date.

I'm sure you know by all of the support you have that we are all with you in spirit through this trying time. The right job will come at the right time, your HP will see to that.

Much love my friend,
Judy

[ksos]

Judy....

I was just feeling "down" about my job situation, since I have been putting up bits and pieces of my beloved record collection up on eBay and, I am very fortunate that most of my LPs are selling, but, at the same time, I was sad to see a part of my life leave. So, I was about to click back on to the market and I felt like I needed to come back here. Obviously I did and I see this huge Ksos thread and your screen name next to the topic!

I inmmediately felt a warm feeling that even my beloved vinyls never gave me when I read your words;

I'm sure you know by all of the support you have that we are all with you in spirit through this trying time. The right job will come at the right time, your HP will see to that.

Much love my friend,
Judy"

My sadness completely melted away, you know, because I do see that there are so many people that have contributed only positive support and are with me. That means more to me than any freaking piece of wax can ever mean. I have to turn it over right now to my HP, since I cannot control time and circumstances.

Your particular support and caring is so valuable to me, Judy, and I just want to imbibe (is that a word?) all of the goodness that you gave me just now. I hope I got the color right when I sliced that piece from your post!

Much love, my friend,

K-

[ksos]

[ksos]

To All Of My SR Family,

I came back from my evening meeting feeling calm and serene, as I pretty much always feel when I make my two NA meetings or when Judy (Serenity Queen) writes to me, or when all of you give me your 'ESH and more. I kind of am embarrased of this thread's length, but you all are pretty much all I have in the world besides my folks. I know I am missing many members of my SR family when I say this, but I do think of you, Anna, Jazzy, Alera, Judy53 (I forget her number), Judith, Amy, Barb, Mike, Sugah, and my long lost pal, Barto, CC, and Windy's finger, as well as Morning glory's support with this entire Pain and Recovery forum, and someone who doesn't come here, but is so important to me and is still here, my first contact in SR, Lilya, from the other part of the SR town, and she knew me before this huge relapse, when I still had a house, a job, and my kid was living with me, and even my wife who separated herself from me, still was not gone, and I had 4 months of sobriety and none of this f--king pain which knaws at me every minute of every day like yours does, too, and we come here to share and to comfort and to stay on track, which I am definitely going to do...

I am not planning on relapsing, family, I swear I do not even feel like doing anything except sleeping. I mean, why am I so upset over this denial when many of you are sicker with pain than I am? Makes no freaking sense. Yeah, so I came by my mailbox this evening , hoping not to see a collection notice, a warrant for my arrest for evading jury duty, or a rejection letter from any job I interviewed for, but I saw this real thick letter from Oxford, and I already was fed the July bill so I figured it was some newfangled program which would make me stop smoking packs of $9.00 cigarettes, which are now a rich man's hobby...

So, I open it, knowing in abouit 10 nano secs that it wasn't my admission date, and I assure you that I am just devastated at my medical insurance's decision to deny the Morphine Pump procedure based on it "Not Being Medically Necessary" to perform, since "upon review we have no evidence of when medication failed to control the subject's pain condition, the names and dosages of the failed medications, when the subject's pain became intolerable...." More like this and that, I'll stop it, now.

My disappointment will pass and I will make it to my job interview tomorrow, and I may slur my speech and they will look at me as someone impaired and incompetent, but I won't take the methadone until the end of the day, and I'll probably feel a hell of a lot better when I hit my AM meeting and talk to my sponsor who I can't seem to reach right now..

So, maybe Morning can close this thread and we can just keep it buried along with my hopes for a lessor pained life. My doc finally convinced me after four years to do this really freaky procedure and I even told everyone here how wonderful it will be for not to be on all of this methadone and Neurontin.

I know I am being punished for what I have done to people in my life and I am sober right now, and am rambling, but this is my safe place, right?

Okay? No where else can I have this much support and I love all of you for helping me deal with this situation, ya know?

[kari08]

Ksos, I am so sorry at your denial. I have been silently at best following your thread.. with the utmost prayers to see you finally get some solid relief. I hope your doctors don't give up. Fight this fight fight fight.. appeal until they get sick of seeing the appeal letters. In our office we appeal until the cows come home and often it takes just one wording.. or one phrase to make their stupid little system finally take the approval. I will continue to pray for you and continue to hope they will take the appeal and give you much needed relief and hope. Never give up on the process.. the road is long and often littered with broken glass.. but after a few cuts and scrapes we can get to the end of it with faith that someone bigger than ourselves knows the best way to cross it.
Blessings.
Kari

[ksos]

Hi Kari...

I should have listed your name as a wonderful supportive human being that I have the pleasure and honor to know. I am very tired of fighting--but I know you are right. What angers me a bit is not the denial, but the reason for the denial.

It seems as if the staff at the pain management practice did not even fill in the requisite information, such as the dose of medication, the etiology of my pancreatitis, the reason why oral medications are not suitable for me, etc.

Anyone here could have presented my case based on all the information I have on this thread. All of the folks here are excellent writers who know what this would mean to me in terms of improving my quality of life. I would be able to work full-time, I would not be "slurring" like a narcoticized addict. I would finally not be taking 24 pills a day, just for pain.

It is like being denied based on my medical staff not knowing who I am, and they probably rushed it, since I mentioned a few posts back, that my MD was furious that I did not receive a response.

I have not slept a wink and today I have an interview at 2:30 PM so I am lucky that I can try to sleep now. I am so upset over this and cannot seem to pick myself up, but I will. It is my nature.

I won't stop appealing this decision. As soon as my doctor's office opens in 4 hours, I am calling him to explain why I was denied this procedure which he told me would be approved. I do not blame him, since his wife writes the presenting problem. This is the same person who did not even bother to copy and paste my letter which would have helped me become exempt for jury duty.

I am also scared, Kari, that if I happen to actually be hired by someone, that I will not be able to make it through the day. I must take some of my medication and, as a manager, I cannot look the way I do.

Thank you for your support.

Ksos