Opiates and pain and the Monkey

[The_Hammer]

I just noticed this forum and thought I'd drop by and share. I normally hang out in the Bikers in Recovery forum, but This is up my street too.

In January, 1988 I was a whisker from being killed in a rear end accident in Nebraska. Since that accident I have had many (7) spinal surgeries to repair the fractures and then I contracted stenosis, degenerative disk disorder and spinal arthritis, both post-traumatic and the good ol calcium deposit type. (spurs on the pedicles, etc.). Often, the pain is debilitating and has basically took me over. But so did the junk. After a surgery 7-26-07, The monkey crawled back up and told me lies. I gave in and from 4-1-08 to 4-21-08, I took 504 pills, including 60 mg pops of straight morphine sulfate and massive doses of fentanyl. I conned 3 experienced Drs. to get all this **** legally. To say I am fortunate to be alive is an understatement. My HP is so much stronger than what I gave Him credit for. All of the times He snatched me from the coffin, and now this huge addiction too! All of it in His hands, all of it relieved as he had promised!

So where did the pain go? I dunno, don't give a damn either. All I know is that I am free and gratefull is such a weak word for how I really feel. Since I have been clean from the junk, (4-26-08), I have had my family moving out in a few days, one of my very near friends was killed and I feel great. No reason to shut the door on it.

Just my take.

[serenityqueen]

Thanks for sharing that with us Hammer. Looks like your HP took control of the handle bars for a minute and detoured you into our neighborhood.

I could identify with your post quite a bit. Another example of how this disease can sit back quietly, waiting for just the right opportunity to pounce on us. Add physical pain to the mix and this beast can become quiet convincing reminding us that "these are prescribed medications, not junk, you know you hurt. . . just take the pills for a few days until the pain is bearable . . . . no need to suffer in pain if you don't have to . . .you probably will need to take a few more than prescribed because your pain is worse than most . . . "

Glad to see you had the tools to get back on track. So many people do get sucked back in . . . never to make it back.

I know what you mean about gratitude just doesn't seem to be a strong enough word to describe how I feel today. An attitude of gratitude.


God Bless,
Judy

[The_Hammer]

There's a lot of sweetness to it isn't there?

Gratitude.

Big mean biker is dropped to his knees in gratitude-often. Brought to tears by his daughters butterfly kisses. Given a lump in his throat in remembrance of his Pop, when they play the Star Spangled banner (gone now these 5 years, a Viet Nam Vet with 2 SIlver and 1 Bronze Star for heroism).

How sweet it is.

[jazpoppy]

Hammer;

Congratulations! I am proud of you! I know we don't know each other, but I am so very proud of your accomplishments! You are so lucky to be alive, taking such high amounts of narcotics would have killed most people, but your higher power has better things for you and you are still needed here on Earth with us. I am also so happy that your pain is under control so much that you don't need to be tempted to take anything! Keep up the good work! Have the best life and enjoy a new free way to live!

God bless you;

Jaz