Jaz's Experience with Substance Abuse and Pain Management

[jazpoppy]

Hello;

I am Jaz, an addict who also has severe chronic pain. I have been in recovery for about 5 years now. I had some pain before I became an addict, but the reason for my becoming an addict is not the same pain I suffer from now. I had headaches and my local ER prescribed me Vicodin, then I got Oxycodone from a "friend" (not a friend of mine anymore), then he stepped me up to MS Contin (he was trying to get me addicted, I was 25 yrs old and very naive), then he stepped me up to Oxycontin 10mg, then 20mg, then 40mg and finally he was selling me 40's and 80's. I kept having migraines after the initial prescription for vicodin ran out (I was NOT opiate tolerant at this time). Another friend of mine (not anymore) introduced me to this "dealer", as he always had pain meds due to his chronic pain, but liked to sell them to stupid naive people like me so that he could buy himself cocaine, his drug of choice! I would buy about 10 of the 10mg oxycontins or 10 of the 15mg MS contins for $10 a piece (I had sold my house so I had money at the time), and before I even ran out, he'd call me and ask if I needed more, and even before I was truly addicted, I would say no, and he would tell me that I would not be able to get anymore for a while, so I'd buy more. Well it was helping my headaches, but getting me very high and I loved it at the time. What stopped me??? My mother found out that he was calling me (she answered my phone and he thought she was me!!!) As we sound alike on the phone. She called the local Police where he lived, granted they never showed up, she called the wrong town PD, and they didn't seem to care too much, it scared him enough to stop selling to me! I was furious with my mother! But I didn't realize that I was going to get dope sick, I didn't realize that I was addicted now! It had been 6 months of daily use by now! I had to check into rehab (10 day detox, then outpatient rehab, I got kicked out after 2 weeks into Outpatient becuase I overdosed on Morphine I obtained from the same person, he started selling to me again!!!). I ended up back in rehab another 6 months or so later, and this time it stuck! I went to meetings daily, and took REAL migraine medication (Zomig and Maxalt) non addictive.
I was sober for quite some time (about 2 years) and my body started to give out (I'm only 31 now) due to herniated disks in my lower back, and 2 more herniated disks in my cervical spine, spinal stenosis, facet joint disease, degerative disk disease, dislocated hip issues due to arthritis in my hip joint, I broke my knee cap and right ankle from a falling accident (now I have chronic knee pain becuase I broken cartiledge that won't heal), I developed achille's tendonitis from over-exercising (I was also an exercise addict and had eating disorders from age 15 to 27), so the over exurtion and demands I placed on my body helped the arthritis develope much sooner than it would have if I didn't over exercise and not listen to my doctors about slowing down. Now I have Fibromyalsia (from being a trauma survior, and always stressed out), had Mono as a teenager that turned into Chronic Fatigue Syndrom, severe pain in my lower to upper back, sciatica down my left leg (which now has nerve damage showing), carpel tunnel syndrom of both wrists from being a computer technician for 11 years, chronic achille's tedonitis, and there isn't a lot the doctors can do to "fix" me. I started out REFUSING narcotics not even codeine, I opted to try just Motrin 800, then moved up to Naproxen 500, then to Vioxx (made my blood pressure very high), then Prednisone packs (twice) which causes me to have a psycotic type episode where I go out of my mind for almost 3 months following the treatment and have to be medicated with tranquilizers in order to sleep and "come down" its almost like taking speed! I have had over 15 steriod shots in various parts of my back, they relief was very temporary (maybe 2 weeks at the most) and it caused a milder but still bothersome mental breakdown (psycosis like). One of the doctors made a "boo boo" when he was trying to insert the needle in my epidural space and I jumped because they didn't use enough local anestetic, and it messed up the whole procedure causing my now severe sciatica that I didn't have before! ARGH! I switched doctors and had someone else do the trigger point injections, and the cervical epidural shots, none of which provided much more than 2 weeks relief and had side effects that I won't go back and deal with again, plus they said I was at my limit of safe steriod use anyways. I tried Celebrex, it caused my throat to close up and I broke out in hives (I was told it didn't have sulfa in it, but it was compounded with Sulfa), so I threatened to sue that Orthopaedic because I had to get a shot of benedryl or somethign at the ER to make the reaction go away. He offered me Vicoprophen (Vicodin and Ibuprophine) telling me its the best way I can get pain relief since I've tried so many other alternatives (including just aspirin, tylenol mixed with ibuprophen, tens units, hot baths, massage, 6 months of painful physical therapy where I actually got worse instead of better) and I lost my job due to not being able to lift, bend, crawl, climb (I was a computer technician for a college). I took the vicoprophen and told him that I had substance abuse issues (they were also in my chart) he said I would be fine as long as I give the pills to my mother (I lived near her). That worked for a while (about a year), then I got sick of taking them, they didn't work anymore, and he refused to give me anymore after a year, he just left me hanging and the stupid withdrawals came back. I quickly got myself to a pain specialist (not the one I'm with now), he medicated me with MS Contin (my mom held those too) and Vicoden HP (325mg tylenol/10mg hydrocodone), then that dr. got ill and closed his practice. I went to my primary care, who luckily took over prescribing the same medication. She would not see me though, she up'd my dose twice, I was on 30mg a day, and I ended up on 90mg a day, then she stopped prescribing to me and released me from the practice saying that the DEA did not approve of her prescibing narcotics for pain mgt. I was out in the cold again. I scrambled and found a temporary doctor 1 hour away that prescribed me fentanyl patches, I was very allergic to them, he said I had too much risk in my history of substance abuse to be prescribed oral medications even though I passed all of my urine screens with the other doctors, and never missed a pill count. He didn't care. I had burns where the patches were placed. I had to take them off and suffer. He urine tested me and found codeine in my urine and no fentanyl (i had to take it off due to the terrible burning) and I was on Codeine cough syrup for bronchitis, I had called his nurse and told her, but he didn't get the message, and kicked me off cold turkey! I decided to let myself suffer, I figured I didn't at all deserve to feel normal. So I took Motrin 800, lived with heating pads on my back, smelled like a bengay factory, and suffered. That's actually when I lost my job, right after my pain management stopped and I had to manage myself with alternatives. I even did massage. I was out of work, no insurance, no more massages, no more therapy. I wanted to die. I did try to commit suicide once, by overdosing on a friends sleeping pills. I was revived in the ER, and when I told the ER doctor why I wanted to die, he prescribed me enough percoset, muscle relaxors to get me through until I could get into a Methadone Clinic, I figured that's what I deserved, and maybe it would help, I had tried Suboxone in the past and it didn't work for pain (not expected to) but helped cravings, but I found that I wasn't craving to get high anymore, I was craving PAIN RELIEF, its so similiar to drug seeking, most doctors can't tell the difference, especially if you used to be an addict (I actually never used doctors to get high when I was using, I would go without then embarrass myself at an emergency room, I'm not a good faker). Well, I had NO insurance, could not get into a pain clinic, so I went to a methadone clinic, they started me out at 30mg, which seemed fine to me, but they kept on upping my dose, even when I said no, they still upped it, they said I looked sick, or that I needed to be on the average dose of 200mg for a normal herion user (i told them I don't use herion). Well it did help my pain quite a bit so I stayed for 6 months or more, then I found a pain mgt doctor who is also a primary care doctor, and she has a sliding scale for people without insurance. She was VERY NICE TO ME! She knows all about my abusive past, I told her I was at a Methadone clinic and was on 200mg and she said that was AWFUL of them to have me up so high! She had them bring me down under 100mg (it took me about 3 months, I went fast cuz I wanted out of there)! She started me at 30mg when I was down to about 50mg at the clinic, I was OK for a few weeks, but then it just didn't help so much, so she slowly brought me up to 70mg over the next few months. I am happy with her and her treatment. I will be getting insurance soon and will be able to try alternative pain relief methods, and if they work, I may be able to lower my methadone dose, or try something less potent. For now, I still struggle and may have to be brought up to 80 or 90mg which worked best for my pain when I was at the clinic. She is very thorough with urine testing, pill counts, all is random and frequent. I have to fill my prescriptions twice a month instead of once, and I can only use 1 pharmacy, and NEVER accept any narcotics from another doctor (like at the ER, or from a specialist). I have my boyfriend hold my prescription and he gives me exactly what is prescribed or less if I feel good that particular day. So that is my story. Please feel free to comment, contructive critisism welcomed whether positive or negative. I am open to suggestions. Thanks.

Love

Jaz

[jazpoppy]

Today is a good day. I'm a bit tired, but the weather is nice, I am going for a walk. Also I am very proud of the responses we are getting with this topic. Its so important to be there for those (including myself) who are so confused because we are in recovery and we are in pain. What do we do? Sometimes people tell us to "toughen up" and take motrin or tylenol and that the pain will go away. Meditate the pain away, get steriod shots, use bengay patches, or Lidocaine patches, massage, physical therapy. Well many of us have tried and exhausted ALL of these methods of pain management and while they are helpful in conjunction with certain medications (narcotic or non-narcotic) sometimes we have to swallow our pride, take what we learned from NA, AA, and our sponsors, and use those tools to help us through whatever treatment plan our doctor(s) want us to follow.

This is a true story from a local AA chapter in my area: There was this young lady, who had one year of recovery in AA, she was so pleased and proud of herself as she should be! Well on her anniversary she was invited to speak and tell the story of her long road to sobriety. She got up before the group and told them of her drinking struggles, and then told them of her struggles to stay sober and that she took it one day at a time as everyone had told her to. She also told of her depression that she suffered, and that after 6 months or so of sobriety she was still very depressed, so she sought help from a psychiatrist who told her that she will need an anti-depressant. She asked him if this would mean she was not sober? He laughed and said "Heavens no, this will help you stay sober." She took the medication, and her mood drastically changed for the good. She was happy again! She got her life back! She was very active in AA, she worked, she had fun without drinking, she had new non-drinking friends to hang out with. She was thrilled! She got her 1 year medallion and was so very proud. Well, after the meeting was over she was walking to her car, when a few gentlemen (old-timers with 20 plus years of sobriety) pulled her aside and said that they had to talk to her. The demanded that she hand that medallion back to the secretary as she is still not sober. She was confused and asked why? They told her that she was "chewing her booze". The pills she takes each day for "depression" were booze in a pill. They told her that the pills altered her mood and AA is about abstinence from ALL mind altering substances, and that she was NEVER depressed, she just wasn't working her AA program well enough. They told her that she was still a lush, and had NO recovery at all! She was so devastated, she didn't call her sponsor, she didn't seek an opinion from any of her trusted AA friends, she went directly to the liquor store, bought some vodka and started drinking. She mailed the medallion back to the secretary with an apology for "lying". She went back out, and no one ever saw her in AA again!

This story really makes me angry! She was a very shy person, and she had a lot of trouble feeling good about herself, this achievement was the biggest accomplishment of her life, and she was shot down by 3 or 4 STUPID people that were taking inventory of others and not looking at their own recovery. We all know that taking medication from a doctor as prescribed for a LEGITAMENT reason is NOT cheating, and that this woman was perfectly fine and sober. God bless her soul wherever she is, and I hope she comes back to recovery. I was not an attendee of her meeting and did not know her personally, otherwise I would have marched over to her house and dragged her away from the bottle, brought her to a doctor and got her another professional opinion, and I would have had other AA members with me to support her. All I can do now, is hope and pray that she finds her way back to AA before its too late.

Thank you for reading this, I hope it makes everyone feel better about themselves and realize that we are regular people with a disease, and we are vulnerable to other diseases, and if we are treating our addictions and living longer happier lives, then we also need to treat other ailments and follow your doctor's treatment plan so that we can still live long happy sober lives!

Love

Jaz

[jazpoppy]

Hello everyone. I started feeling a bit overwhelmed and depressed today. I am not really sure why. I am not in too much pain today, although yesterday was a different story. I was in bed all day yesterday, I had severe sciatica in my left leg and I could hardly get around the house. I guess I was feeling bad today because I slept Sunday away. Well at least I'm up and about today and not hurting so much! I am also happy to be up to sitting at the computer typing replies and adding to my "Jaz's Experience with Substance Abuse and Pain Management" thread. I enjoy sharing my ESH with everyone, as well as asking for advice when I am confused, sad, or in need of answers. Today I am going to share something with you, nothing really to do with chronic pain and addiction directly, but something that may be fun! See the next paragraph:

Yesterday I started a Blogging group for people to share their short stories (fiction, non-fiction, autobiography of your life) and poetry on this site. Here is a link to the EBlogger if you are interested in becoming a free member: https://www.blogger.com/start
Hopefully some of you will enjoy blogging if you already aren't doing it here on SR. I have been meaning to start a Blog here too.

I like to write when I need to get things off my chest. I am greatful to my higher power for a pain-less day so far. I am greatful to my friends and family for being there for me, and I am greatful to Mother Earth for helping our garden grow and be one of the most beautiful gardens we've had yet! My bf told me not to feel bad about sleeping a lot yesterday, he says that sometimes when we're in a lot of pain from our chronic conditions, we have to get extra rest to help our bodies fight to heal themselves. Hey, I feel better already just writing and posting to everyone here at SR! I'll check back later!

Love;

Jaz

[jazpoppy]

I do have a blog at https://www.blogger.com/start its about the series LOST on ABC. I do love that show! So you are welcome to read that post and answer if you are a fan and wish to write to me there. I will also be coming up with other Blogs that you may find interesting as well. Here is the Google Blog address I meant to give you: https://www.blogger.com/start Hope you enjoy it! Sorry for the URL mix-up

Sincerely;

Jaz

[serenityqueen]

Hi Jaz!

First of all, thanks for sharing your story with us. Always helps me to get to know someone much better.

I was enraged when I read the story about the young lady and the oldtimers from hell. I cannot even imagine how that woman felt. Up, a natural high one minute just to be dropped flat on her butt like that. I Pray to God that she made it back to the rooms and that her relapse was brief and with as little pain as possible. Sometimes I feel like some of the oldtimers do more harm than good.( I'm sure I just opened up a can of worms here with that statement, but I said SOME and SOMETIMES . . . not all.) In the meetings I go to, the oldtimers have some rules that they stick to like glue. One being, if you bring up topic, you cannot comment on any other topics that were brought up in the meeting. About a year ago, a newcomer had the courage to bring up a topic. About half way through the meeting, something that was said apparentally opened up some painful memories for her and she started to speak through her tears and was cut off, told that she wasn't allowed to give any rebuttals. Ok, I understand where they don't want people to speak out when someone gives feedback, but this little girl, (about 19 years old) was hysterically crying, needed to talk sooooo bad and was told basically that she should have gotten everything out when she brought up the topic. WTF? Can we alway predict when we are going to have a breakthru in our feelings? Haven't most of us stuffed our feelings long enough? Luckily she when the circle was broken after the closing Prayers, she went to the bathroom so me and a few others followed her there. We sat in that bathroom for nearly an hour with her talking. And if she hadn't let herself go with her feelings and held them in,like she was basically told to, who knows what could have happened.

Re: Methadone. I didn't realize that you were on Methadone too.If I read your thread correctly, you were prescribed it for pain,right? I've been on it since July of '05. . . . . since day 2 of Recovery. I had tried so many times and for so many years but the PAW and Chronic pain due to Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, previous back injury which resulted in surgery (sciatic nerve involve too ) had me in so much physical pain that if one thing wasn't kicking my butt, the other was. I don't think Methadone Maintenance is for everyone, don't think I'm saying that. But for me, my history, my physical pain and the 32 years I used, 25 of those addicted to opiates, the addictionologists felt it was the last option for me. I have no doubt in my mind that if I hadn't gotten in MMT, I would not have lived to see the end of 2005. The enormous amts. of pain pills I put into my body were enough to take a horse out. To this day, the Dr.'s scratch their heads and say that God sure has plans for me, especially since my liver panels are fantastic. I can truly say that I AM a miracle.

Thanks for your sharing and I appreciate the opportunity to just speak my mind.

God Bless,
Judy

[jazpoppy]

Thank you serenityqueen! Glad to hear I'm not one of the only ones on Methadone and not one of the very few with pain issues. I would not be clean (if its called clean, I think it is because I am very strict and so is my doctor). Thanks again for you reply. I gotta go, water is boiling for my oatmeal. I didn't eat much today and don't want to wake up sick tommorrow.

Love;

jaz

[bnme247]

Help...........pain mngmt seeking here...addicted to the opiates....tried to wean my self....a pure living nightmare!!!.......next step is to ask my dr. To send me to a pain mngmt specialist......seeking information on suboxene , methadone. Also, my daughter tells me once ur labeled in the medical field red flags go up........i have major back and neck pain, was in a terrible auto accident some yrs. Back, been treated with pain killers....addicted, desperate for answers, trying to find some one, anyone, who knows about the alternatives to opiate addiction.....have heard from other people that know me, i need to seek a pain mngmt dr. And get treated w/ methadone or the suboxene......replies would be enormously appreciated.....off to work now, will return this evening, looking forward to hearing from anyone, i am a mother, a wife, a grandmother, and a friend......trying to get a grip on myself, w/ little understanding from the people i love!!!!!

[namommy]

Hello all, I just had to reply.

I am also on methadone for chronic pain. My Pain Management Dr. is very careful and I had to sign a narcotics contract for him to see me, and he does random urines to make sure my levels coincide with what he has prescribed.

It was a difficult decision for me to make, but the pain was too great to deal with, and I do get some relief from the methadone, combined with intermediate steroid injections in my neck and back. There is nothing else they can do for my knees or legs, and there is nothing that has worked for my fibromyalgia either.

Just remember, that none of us are alone in this. Many addicts deal with chronic pain issues. After all, look at what we did to our bodies for years. We beat the heck out of ourselves.

Let's keep praying for each other.

Laurie