blonde jokes - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

***cmc*** · 07-26-2006, 06:08 PM

disclaimer- to those who may be offended: please feel free to change the hair color, if you wish.... I did!

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

cwohio · 07-26-2006, 07:13 PM

i'm blonde and these are too funny - especially the first one!!!

***cmc*** · 07-26-2006, 10:01 PM

CW- I am sure you know why the blonde kept staring at the frozen juice cans at the grocery store???

They all say: "Concentrate"

***indigo*** · 07-27-2006, 05:16 AM

Hehehehe I love these jokes and yes I'm natural blonde too..well until my hair decided, without any discusssion from me, to turn grey/white and a hint of blonde lol

indie

cwohio · 07-27-2006, 06:33 AM

Quote:

They all say: "Concentrate"

equus · 07-27-2006, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Quote:

The blonde test taker
A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

Ooooooo.... I feel so naughty...... these are so wrong!

***cmc*** · 07-28-2006, 08:15 PM

equus,
Did I like your jokes? yes/no/yes/no/yes!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the laughs!!!!
oops- better let me check that!

**Peter** · 07-29-2006, 07:04 AM

Two blondes walk into a bar........heck you'd think one of them would have seen it.

Japic05 · 08-03-2006, 12:27 PM

My all time favorite (an oldie but a goodie) - what do you call blondes in the freezer?
"Frosted Flakes"

carolm · 08-03-2006, 12:57 PM

Change the hair color if you wish.

How do you know the smartest blonde in a roomful of blondes?

Look for the one with the darkest roots.

***cmc*** · 08-03-2006, 02:18 PM

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."

periwinkle55 · 08-07-2006, 06:34 PM

Blonde jumps into her car and dails 911 and frantically states "Help someone stole my dashboard, gas and brake pedals" The dispatcher says someone would be right there...a few seconds later the blonde calls back and sys "never mind I was in the back seat" HEHEHEHE

***cmc*** · 08-07-2006, 06:37 PM

lostnalone95 · 08-08-2006, 12:48 PM

peri...nice....lol

***cmc*** · 08-08-2006, 02:28 PM

Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

***cmc*** · 08-13-2006, 10:37 AM

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer.

HobbyHorse · 08-14-2006, 05:16 AM

A redhead, a brunette and a blond, all expecting, are visiting during break at their childbirth class. The redhead said excitedly "I read that book about how your position during conception will determine the sex of the baby - and it worked! I was on top and I'm going to have a girl!
The brunette was equally excited and said "Oh my gosh, I read it too, and it was right! I was on the bottom and we're having a boy!

The blond began crying hysterically. The other two gathered round her and asked her what was wrong.

She wailed "I'm going to have a puppy!

lostnalone95 · 08-14-2006, 01:55 PM

roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!! so that's how you get a new puppy!!!!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!

***cmc*** · 08-16-2006, 07:54 PM

State Capitals

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W."

Which is Further Away?

Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?"
Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"

Zoro · 08-16-2006, 10:43 PM

how do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

give her a bag of M&M's and have her unpeel them

Zoro · 08-16-2006, 10:48 PM

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him
In and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then "

He sighed................
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Autumn · 08-17-2006, 12:52 AM

Why wouldn't the blonde stop washing her hair?

Because the bottle said "Wash, rinse, and repeat."

Lol!

These are great.

Peeling M&M's! Lol!

lostnalone95 · 08-20-2006, 11:57 PM

frosted flakes....roflmao!!!!!!

notsleepingwell · 08-21-2006, 12:11 AM

A blonde is curling her hair and drops the curling iron into the waste basket, starting a fire....she calls the fire dept, and when they answer, screams, I have a fire in my apt....when the dispatcher tells her to calm down and please tell them how to get there....the blonde replies indignantly...."DUH, red truck!!!"

periwinkle55 · 08-21-2006, 09:46 AM

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a while, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story"? He replies "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that"?

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her nicely if he could see her license. In a huff she replies, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you".

AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE
A georgeous young redhead goes into the doctor'd office and said that her body hurt everywhere she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched it made her scream. The doctor said "You're not really a redhead, are you"? "Well no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde" "I thought so," said the doctor. "YOUR FINGER IS BROKEN"!!!!!!!

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER"! "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!!!""

END OF ALL BLONDE JOKES
a GIRL VISITING HER BLONDE FRIEND, WHO ACQUIRED TWO NEW DOGS, AND ASKED WHAT THEIR NAMES WERE. tHE BLONDE RESPONDED BY SAYING THAT WAS NAMED ROLEX AND ONE WAS NAMED TIMEX. HER FRIEND SAID 'WHOEVER HEARD OF NAMING DOGS LIKE THAT? "HELLOOOOOOO.........," ANSWERED THE BLONDE. "THEY'RE WATCH DOGS!!!!!!!"

07-26-2006, 06:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	blonde jokes disclaimer- to those who may be offended: please feel free to change the hair color, if you wish.... I did! Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer. __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

07-26-2006, 07:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
cwohio Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Litterbox City Posts: 6,141	i'm blonde and these are too funny - especially the first one!!! __________________ *Learn to write your hurts in sand. Learn to carve your blessings in stone! - Unknown*

07-26-2006, 10:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	CW- I am sure you know why the blonde kept staring at the frozen juice cans at the grocery store??? They all say: "Concentrate" __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

07-27-2006, 05:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
*indigo* Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,919	Hehehehe I love these jokes and yes I'm natural blonde too..well until my hair decided, without any discusssion from me, to turn grey/white and a hint of blonde lol indie __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

07-28-2006, 08:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	equus, Did I like your jokes? yes/no/yes/no/yes!!!!!!!!!! thanks for the laughs!!!! oops- better let me check that! __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

07-29-2006, 07:04 AM	#8 (permalink)
Peter Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Leaving Sparta Posts: 2,742	Two blondes walk into a bar........heck you'd think one of them would have seen it. __________________ I shall pass this way but once, therefore, whatever good I might do, Let me do it now, for I will never pass this way again. UNKNOWN POET

08-03-2006, 12:27 PM	#9 (permalink)
Japic05 Living in a Pinkful Place Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 4,196	My all time favorite (an oldie but a goodie) - what do you call blondes in the freezer? "Frosted Flakes"

08-03-2006, 12:57 PM	#10 (permalink)
carolm Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 184	Change the hair color if you wish. How do you know the smartest blonde in a roomful of blondes? Look for the one with the darkest roots.

08-03-2006, 02:18 PM	#11 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces. A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces." __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

08-07-2006, 06:34 PM	#12 (permalink)
periwinkle55 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Uniontown, Pa. Posts: 21	Blonde jumps into her car and dails 911 and frantically states "Help someone stole my dashboard, gas and brake pedals" The dispatcher says someone would be right there...a few seconds later the blonde calls back and sys "never mind I was in the back seat" HEHEHEHE

08-07-2006, 06:37 PM	#13 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	__________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

08-08-2006, 12:48 PM	#14 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 926	peri...nice....lol __________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into!

08-08-2006, 02:28 PM	#15 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	Blonde Car Accident One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!" __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

08-13-2006, 10:37 AM	#16 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack. He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next. When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag. He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer. __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

08-14-2006, 05:16 AM	#17 (permalink)
HobbyHorse Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: ? Posts: 38	A redhead, a brunette and a blond, all expecting, are visiting during break at their childbirth class. The redhead said excitedly "I read that book about how your position during conception will determine the sex of the baby - and it worked! I was on top and I'm going to have a girl! The brunette was equally excited and said "Oh my gosh, I read it too, and it was right! I was on the bottom and we're having a boy! The blond began crying hysterically. The other two gathered round her and asked her what was wrong. She wailed "I'm going to have a puppy!

08-14-2006, 01:55 PM	#18 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 926	roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!! so that's how you get a new puppy!!!!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!! __________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into!

08-16-2006, 07:54 PM	#19 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 11,996	State Capitals A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W." Which is Further Away? Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?" Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?" __________________ Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~ Lionel Hampton

08-16-2006, 10:43 PM	#20 (permalink)
Zoro Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 154	how do you keep a blonde busy for hours? give her a bag of M&M's and have her unpeel them __________________ Zoro "At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by, With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes." - The Battle of Evermore, Led Zeppelin

08-16-2006, 10:48 PM	#21 (permalink)
Zoro Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 154	A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him In and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then " He sighed................ "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box." __________________ Zoro "At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by, With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes." - The Battle of Evermore, Led Zeppelin

08-17-2006, 12:52 AM	#22 (permalink)
Autumn alconaut Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Motor City Posts: 732	Why wouldn't the blonde stop washing her hair? Because the bottle said "Wash, rinse, and repeat." Lol! These are great. Peeling M&M's! Lol! __________________

08-20-2006, 11:57 PM	#23 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 926	frosted flakes....roflmao!!!!!! __________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into!

08-21-2006, 12:11 AM	#24 (permalink)
notsleepingwell I'm HOME!!!!! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Hot flash city Posts: 561	A blonde is curling her hair and drops the curling iron into the waste basket, starting a fire....she calls the fire dept, and when they answer, screams, I have a fire in my apt....when the dispatcher tells her to calm down and please tell them how to get there....the blonde replies indignantly...."DUH, red truck!!!" __________________ notsleepingwell 'We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience

08-21-2006, 09:46 AM	#25 (permalink)
periwinkle55 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Uniontown, Pa. Posts: 21	Blonde Logic CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a while, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story"? He replies "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that"? SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her nicely if he could see her license. In a huff she replies, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you". AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE A georgeous young redhead goes into the doctor'd office and said that her body hurt everywhere she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched it made her scream. The doctor said "You're not really a redhead, are you"? "Well no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde" "I thought so," said the doctor. "YOUR FINGER IS BROKEN"!!!!!!! KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER"! "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!!!"" END OF ALL BLONDE JOKES a GIRL VISITING HER BLONDE FRIEND, WHO ACQUIRED TWO NEW DOGS, AND ASKED WHAT THEIR NAMES WERE. tHE BLONDE RESPONDED BY SAYING THAT WAS NAMED ROLEX AND ONE WAS NAMED TIMEX. HER FRIEND SAID 'WHOEVER HEARD OF NAMING DOGS LIKE THAT? "HELLOOOOOOO.........," ANSWERED THE BLONDE. "THEY'RE WATCH DOGS!!!!!!!"

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