Friday Funnies - 6/2/06

[cwohio]

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the
second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own
bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is
a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything
they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They
travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are
constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more
and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy
jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back
up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, he falls
again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised
and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses him. The first guy
falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty
messed up, he's got a couple broken bones and is almost
unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this
time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first
guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a pinata?

[cwohio]

[cwohio]

[cwohio]

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to
start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...." "Oh, no
need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good ! I've made a
specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start ?" asked
Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two
in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread
out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for
Harry and me." "Well madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with
the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped
Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know !!", Mrs. Smith
exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a
bus in downtown London." "Oh my goodness!!", Mrs. Smith
exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned
out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the
picture. "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid
so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done
right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to
get a good look." "Four and five deep ?" asked Mrs Smith, eyes
widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more
than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and
I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in." Mrs Smith
leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ...... eh
.......... equipment ?". "That's right. Well madam, if you're
ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod
??", Mrs Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to
use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to
hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?.....
Good Lord, she's fainted !

[pmaslan]

Thanks Christie for all the funnies....lol

God job at trying to ressurect the Friday Funnies......

[Jazzman]

Feel free to contribute Patty

[Jazzman]

When in doubt....

[Jazzman]

Ya think?

[Jazzman]

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

[cwohio]

oh thank you jazz for shoring me up this afternoon!

oh patty........where is your post? LOL

[pmaslan]

Now you 2 are just picking on me!!!!!.
Ya'll know I don't know how....boohoo....
Waiting for those classes from Jazz.....

[cwohio]

he'll have you thoroughly trained in no time i'm sure!

[megamysterioso]

Thanks Christie and Jazz. I'm w/Patty on this one... if I can ever figure out how to post attachments, I might contribute!!!! I enjoy these types of threads.

[cwohio]

ahh mega - put that on your list of things to learn when you have some quiet time! soon i hope!