Men are Like:

[OVERIT]

1. Men are like .. Laxatives .... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like . . Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6 Men are like Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like . Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like . Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like . Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[fraankie]

and women are like.....................................

[best]

Originally Posted by fraankie

and women are like.....................................

Nope not gonna say a thing.
Last time I did and I still have the lumps. Enough is enough *LOL*

[Beachbabe]

Men too, are like buses... if it doesnt work out, another comes along about every 15 minutes.

[Jazzman]

[leviathon]

so is this an example of reverse sexism? LOL

[liveweyerd]

I wasn't going to say it.....but I don't like bigotry in any form.

[leviathon]

For women: New Summer Seminars for Women

The Auto Hood Release, What Is It And Why Is It There

Life Beyond Shoes

Money, The Non-Renewable Resource

How To Get 90 Minutes Out Of An Hour

Why Men Don't Like Any Of Your Friends

How To Be A Victim Of Marketing

How To Get Out Of Bed Without Waking Up Your Man

Is There Really Enough Makeup In The World

How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag

Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits

Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection

Tupperware: Its Social And Environmental Drawbacks

Where To Look When Your Auto Is In Reverse

Learning When Not To Talk, And Then Not Talking

How To Avoid Turning Into Your Mother

Quality Time: When You And Your Husband Should Spend Time Apart

Beyond The Front Page: Exploring The Daily Newspaper

How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking

Telltales Sounds Associated With Auto Collisions

Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection

When Ignorance Can Be A Blessing: Household Finances And You

How To Keep 'Em Guessing, or: 101 Ways To Fold A Towel

Talking And Driving: There's Got To Be A Way

[leviathon]

A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.

[Peter]

25 Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew


1)If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2)Learn to work the toilet seat, if it is up, put it down.

3)Don't cut your hair. Never. Ever.

4)Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

5)Get rid of your cat.

6)Sunday = sports.

7)Anything you wear is fine. Really.

8)Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

9)You have too many shoes.

10)Crying is blackmail.

11)Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

12)Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13)Yes, going to the bathroom standing up is more difficult than from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

14)Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

15)A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16)Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

17)Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

18)If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

19)If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we probably meant the other one.

20)Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

21)Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

22)You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

23)Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

24)You have enough clothes.

25)Nothing says "I Love You" like sex.

[leviathon]

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:

I'M HUNGRY.
I'm hungry.

I'M SLEEPY.
I'm sleepy.

I'M TIRED.
I'm tired.

I'VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.

WHAT'S WRONG?
I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.

WHAT'S WRONG?
What do you think I did this time?

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
I liked it better before.

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
$150 and it doesn't look that much different!

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
For $200 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!

LET'S TALK, HONEY.
I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.


GENDER DIFFERENCES

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage & after.

[leviathon]

If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules"

Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 4 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both.

Rule # 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 6 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 7 When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

[leviathon]

Men: Translations for women

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." OR "I felt like it, deal with it."

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT"
Translated: * "I am really angry at you and to avoid telling you how angry I am, I'm not talking because it will just start a fight that I can't win." OR "I don't feel like talking about it." OR "There's nothing to talk about, I've made up my mind."

"I DIDN'T DO IT!"
Translated:* "I have a bullet proof alibi and you can't prove it!"

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response when men haven't been listening.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?" OR "I wasn't listening, what'd she say?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the name of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday." OR "I can't remember what I told her, uh oh!"

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." OR "I am a man, leave me alone."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon or I am in serious trouble." OR "It makes absolutely no sense, but I did it anyway."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." OR "Ok, what'd she do with it this time?"

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?" OR "Quick, what did I tell her last time? Did it work?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again." OR "Columbus didn't need a map and he discovered America, so leave me alone, this is an adventure."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up." OR "She nags the heck out of me and I grudgingly do 10% of the work to avoid further nagging!" OR "Man I'm whipped, the guys are never gonna let me live this down!"

[fraankie]

men are like a skinned banana
they have no ap- peel

i didn't say that

[leviathon]

yes you did!

[Beachbabe]

I havent been on all weekend and as luck would have it, the lord lead me to this post.

Thank god Im still fairly young or I would have no doubt had an accident. I am laughing so hard, I am crying... BECAUSE IT IS ALL TRUE!

Ya made my day.