Lawyer Jokes - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

leviathon · 05-28-2006, 01:32 AM

How do you know it is cold outside? Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.

What do you say when you see a bus load of lawyers with one empty seat going off a 400 ft cliff? Doh, what a waste of a seat!

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? Good start.

What do you say when you come across ten lawyers buried up to their necks in sand on the beach? Doh, not enough sand!

What is black and white and black and brown and red all over? A lawyer with a doverment pincher on him!

Three surgeons were sitting around comparing notes on who the easiest people were to operate on...

The first surgeon says, oh, its definitely plumbers, they are all fitted and you just solder any leaks.
The second says oh, no, its gotta be electricians, they are all colour coded and shorts are easy to detect.
The third says, oh no, you are both soooooo wrong, its lawyers, they have only two moving parts... their mouths and their butts and they are interchangeable!

This extremely wonderful and pious plumber / handy man was waiting at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. Apparently there was a typo on St. Peters' list and he redirected him to hell in error.

So this handy fellow gets to hell and the devil, after learning of his amazing skills, put him to work fixing hell up. In no time there is air conditioning, running water, jacuzzi tubs and hell just isn't such a bad place to be.
Meanwhile back in Heaven, God is checking over St. Peter list and notes the typo and asks where this fellow is. St Peter candidly admits his mistake and God immediately gets on the phone and call Satin so as to rectify the error. Well, Satin isn't about to let this fellow go since he has really made hell a great place and he tells God to go to heck. Well God immediately tells Satin to either give him the plumber back or he will sue. To which Satin responds, sure where you gonna get a lawyer!

This extremely pious and wonderful lawyer approaches the pearly gates to heaven and gains entry. God greets him at the gates and takes him to a most spectacular mansion located right next to God's own. The following day Pope John Paul comes to the pearly gates and is greeted by God. God escorts him to a small enclave where he shall spend eternity basking in God's love.

The following day Pope JP notices the lawyer coming out of this mansion and making his way over to have breakfast with God. Pope JP is amazed at the massive mansion that he has been given. After breakfast he can stand it no longer, he asks God how he, one of God's most devoted servants could warrant only a small enclave whereas this lawyer gets a huge mansion. God responds, hey we have hundreds of thousands of devoted men such as yourself, that's our first lawyer!

cwohio · 05-29-2006, 05:37 PM

fraankie · 06-19-2006, 10:54 AM

lol

05-28-2006, 01:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
leviathon Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Somwhere over the rainbow Posts: 1,202	Lawyer Jokes How do you know it is cold outside? Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets. What do you say when you see a bus load of lawyers with one empty seat going off a 400 ft cliff? Doh, what a waste of a seat! What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? Good start. What do you say when you come across ten lawyers buried up to their necks in sand on the beach? Doh, not enough sand! What is black and white and black and brown and red all over? A lawyer with a doverment pincher on him! Three surgeons were sitting around comparing notes on who the easiest people were to operate on... The first surgeon says, oh, its definitely plumbers, they are all fitted and you just solder any leaks. The second says oh, no, its gotta be electricians, they are all colour coded and shorts are easy to detect. The third says, oh no, you are both soooooo wrong, its lawyers, they have only two moving parts... their mouths and their butts and they are interchangeable! This extremely wonderful and pious plumber / handy man was waiting at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. Apparently there was a typo on St. Peters' list and he redirected him to hell in error. So this handy fellow gets to hell and the devil, after learning of his amazing skills, put him to work fixing hell up. In no time there is air conditioning, running water, jacuzzi tubs and hell just isn't such a bad place to be. Meanwhile back in Heaven, God is checking over St. Peter list and notes the typo and asks where this fellow is. St Peter candidly admits his mistake and God immediately gets on the phone and call Satin so as to rectify the error. Well, Satin isn't about to let this fellow go since he has really made hell a great place and he tells God to go to heck. Well God immediately tells Satin to either give him the plumber back or he will sue. To which Satin responds, sure where you gonna get a lawyer! This extremely pious and wonderful lawyer approaches the pearly gates to heaven and gains entry. God greets him at the gates and takes him to a most spectacular mansion located right next to God's own. The following day Pope John Paul comes to the pearly gates and is greeted by God. God escorts him to a small enclave where he shall spend eternity basking in God's love. The following day Pope JP notices the lawyer coming out of this mansion and making his way over to have breakfast with God. Pope JP is amazed at the massive mansion that he has been given. After breakfast he can stand it no longer, he asks God how he, one of God's most devoted servants could warrant only a small enclave whereas this lawyer gets a huge mansion. God responds, hey we have hundreds of thousands of devoted men such as yourself, that's our first lawyer! __________________ Hope springs eternal!

05-29-2006, 05:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
cwohio Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Litterbox City Posts: 6,141	__________________ *Learn to write your hurts in sand. Learn to carve your blessings in stone! - Unknown*

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06-19-2006, 10:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
fraankie Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 1,423	lol

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