A Soap Story

[OneLady]

>
> The following letters are supposedly taken from an actual incident
> between a hotel and one of its guest.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------


> Dear Maid,
>
> Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
> since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
> unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
> three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
> Thank you,
> S. Berman
> -----------------------------------------------

> Dear Room 635,
>
> I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
> day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
> dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way!
> and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your
> mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions
> from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this
> is satisfactory.
> Kathy, Relief Maid
>
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------

> Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell
> you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got
> back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the
> shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for
> two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial, so I won't need
> those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in my way
> when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
> Please remove them.
> S. Berman
> -------------------------------------------

> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
> called him last evening and said you were unhappy with
> your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you
> will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any
> future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal
> attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
> Thank you.
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper

> ---------------------------------------------

> Dear Miss Carmen,
>
> It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
> business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's
> the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
> I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about
> those little bars soap.
> The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check- in
> today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
> cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.
> In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you
> doing this to me ?
> S. Berman
> ------------------------------------------------

> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
> and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
> extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.
> Thank you,
> Elaine Carmen,
> Housekeeper
> -------------------------------------------------

> Dear Mr. Kensedder,
>
> My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room,
> including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and
> had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
> S. Berman
> --------------------------------------------------

> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
> I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room
> since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they
> service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately.
> Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
> Martin L. Kensedder
> Assistant Manager

> --------------------------------------------------

> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>
> Who the he** left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
> and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.
> I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
> soap in here ? All I want is my bath-size Dial.
> Please give me back my bath! -size Dial.
> S. Berman
> ---------------------------------------------------

> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then
> you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
> personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
> 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about
> the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know
> I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the
> 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues
> bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left
> in your room.
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
> ----------------------------------------------------


> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>
> Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
> As of today I possess :
> On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
> stack of 2.
> On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
> On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
> hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
> Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
> In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. On the northeast corner of
> the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
> On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
>
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
> neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that
> stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my
> bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for
> future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar
> of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to
> avoid further misunderstandings.
> S. Berman

[cwohio]

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[fraankie]

for real!!!!!
like who's got the time