Senior Moments

[CAPTAINZING2000]

aging

<HR SIZE=1>Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man.
"You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand
there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old.
When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You
take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes
out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst
age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, not really I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse
on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No,
I have one every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get
this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning
at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00.



Subject: OLD FOLKS

Be careful you could be next...!!!!

An older couple decide to go to the doctor for a
checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically
okay, but they might want to start writing things down
to help them remember. Later that night while watching
TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can
remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd
better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice
cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that, so you'd better write it down" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I
can remember it. Leave me alone. Ice cream with
strawberries and whipped cream I got it, for
goodness sake." Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the
kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says -
"Where's my toast?


**************************************
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting Married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope, poor as a church mouse."
"Well then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive."

****************************************
Three old guys are out walking. First one says,
"Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No , its Thursday."
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


******************************************
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but
it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."


****************************************
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get
a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris
walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on
his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get
a hot mamma and be cheerful! .'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've
got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"


******************************************
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a
stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana
split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
" No," he replied, "arthritis

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----- Original

Aging Gracefully

[cwohio]

the last one is sooo cute - thanks for the glimpse at what we might be like in several years, God willing!