The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1-

Marriages are made in heaven. But, so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2-

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3-

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4-

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5-

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6-

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;

The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7-

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8-

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9-

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.

That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10-

A man is incomplete until he is married.

After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment story-

A long married couple came upon a wishing well.

The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The husband decided to make a wish too.

But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,

"It really works!"

[BaBa OReiley]

the three rings of marriage........

1- the engagement ring

2- the wedding ring

3-the suffering!

and then there's the three types of married sex!

1- all over the house sex, that's in early marriage, 1 to 5 years, when ever or where ever you see each other you screw!

2- bedroom sex, 6 to 10 years, you've calmed down a bit and only screw in the bedroom, and only at night, just before going to sleep!

3- hallway sex, 11 years till divorce or death, death being the preffered outcome of the male, this is when you pass each other in the hallway hold up your middle finger and say "screw you!"

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by Doug

Commandment 8-

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9-

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.

That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10-

A man is incomplete until he is married.

After that, he is finished.


"

YOU GUYS AMAZE ME .... this could ONLY be posted by a MAN! (LMAO!)

NOW LADIES ..... IT'S OUR TURN!

How 'bout it .... it's 'bout time we let these fellas what we reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally think 'bout marriage ..... and THEIR ROLE (or lack thereof in it)!

Who's gonna start?

I need time to really THINK ...... 'cause I gots too much I could list!

devilish giggle ...... PAY-BACK will be EVER so sweet!

Me

[undrunken]

Originally Posted by BaBa_OReiley

and then there's the three types of married sex!

Not to be confused with a man's three sexual stages:
1 tri's weekly
2 tries weekly
3 tries weakly