Thanks E-Mail

[cwohio]

I think we can all say we've received at least ONE of these e-mails!

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the email
about rats in the glue on envelopes cause I now have
to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason. I want to thank you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me your chain letters over
the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel
safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change
once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's
novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out
for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM(EDT) this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's beautician!

[exzim]

Thank you for posting that - I loved it!
May I add my own wish.
For all those people who sent me chain letters (even after I have asked them not to), may all the dogs in your neighbourhood poop on your lawn and may those nuggets be not well formed.

Maggie

[cwohio]

amen!

[exzim]

Thank you for posting that - I loved it!
May I add my own wish.
For all those people who sent me chain letters (even after I have asked them not to), may all the dogs in your neighbourhood poop on your lawn, I wish for a long hard rain afterwards so those delightful little nuggets will be really hard to pick up!

Maggie