Funny headlines - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

08-07-2005, 01:25 PM

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Now there's a tragedy!]

Moving right along...

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK

historyteach · 08-07-2005, 01:32 PM

:Lmao
I'm crying here!!!

Thanks for the laughs...
Shalom!

**Ann** · 08-07-2005, 01:36 PM

I mustn't drink ice tea and read your jokes anymore, Doug

findinganewme · 08-07-2005, 01:52 PM

DEAR LORD ...... maybe they should subscribe LAUGHTER as medicine for addicts! WORKS FOR ME!

THANK YOU ...... I NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH(s)

findinganewme · 08-07-2005, 03:07 PM

shoot .... I meant to say .... PRESCRIBE .... not subscribe! DUH!

..... here's an addendum though after reading your post!

I'm CURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BigEzell · 08-07-2005, 03:21 PM

Thanks for the laugh.

wolflet · 08-07-2005, 09:05 PM

good editors are hard to find!!

hopealwayz · 08-07-2005, 09:08 PM

Thanks for the great laugh!! I shot Dr. Pepper out of my nose at the screen.
Hehe!!

08-07-2005, 01:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
Doug Guest Posts: n/a	Funny headlines Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While [you think?!] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!] Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [Now there's a tragedy!] Moving right along... In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR. Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK

08-07-2005, 01:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,303	:Lmao I'm crying here!!! Thanks for the laughs... Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-07-2005, 01:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,172	I mustn't drink ice tea and read your jokes anymore, Doug __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

08-07-2005, 09:05 PM	#7 (permalink)
wolflet fire dancer Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: no matter where u go there u are...co Posts: 489	good editors are hard to find!! __________________ how we spend our days is how we spend our lives

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08-07-2005, 01:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
findinganewme old enough to know BETTER!!!!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY, NY Posts: 403	DEAR LORD ...... maybe they should subscribe LAUGHTER as medicine for addicts! WORKS FOR ME! THANK YOU ...... I NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH(s)

08-07-2005, 03:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
findinganewme old enough to know BETTER!!!!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY, NY Posts: 403	shoot .... I meant to say .... PRESCRIBE .... not subscribe! DUH! ..... here's an addendum though after reading your post! I'm CURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

08-07-2005, 03:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
BigEzell Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Louisianna Posts: 499	Thanks for the laugh.

08-07-2005, 09:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
hopealwayz Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: somewhere Posts: 3,509	Thanks for the great laugh!! I shot Dr. Pepper out of my nose at the screen. Hehe!!

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