Why Women Are Crabby - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Gabe · 05-22-2005, 06:15 PM

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then come their teen years. Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's -- while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale! : "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

historyteach · 05-22-2005, 06:21 PM

Bite me!!!
Now ThAT'S funny!
L'Chaim!

exzim · 05-23-2005, 05:31 AM

I love it - thanks! :bravo

Maggie

findinganewme · 05-23-2005, 06:10 AM

That is so RIGHT ON my sista (yeah ok, trying to sound as cool as you .... BITE ME!?)

I can't tell you how this made me laugh! That was just hysterical

SO VERY VERY VERY TRUE ...... except, of course, for the line before BIT ME ....

WOMEN? The WEAKER sex!?!? In men's dreams! Just imagine if THEY had to experience all that you described!?

What do ya think ladies ...... think they could handle it? Wouldn't you just pay anything to see a man DELIVER a baby ..... I mean, literally, of course!

Weaker sex, eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ....... NOT!

Thanks for getting my morning started on a humorous and hillarious note!!!!

You tell 'em!

Maria

findinganewme · 05-23-2005, 06:12 AM

so so many clever quotes .....

but this one made me ROAR ..... and I'm still practically rolling on the floor laughing!

wear little mattresses between our legs [I]

alli61098 · 05-23-2005, 06:19 AM

little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

ROTFLMAO!!!! That is my life.

best · 05-23-2005, 09:39 PM

Just think of how good life would be if a WOMAN didn't take the first bite of an apple *LOL*

wantneeda · 05-23-2005, 10:09 PM

:Lmao OMG...that was the funniest thing i've read in a really long time~!!!!
honestly i have tears running down my face..
MATTRESSES...oh my..
thanks for the laugh,,,bite me...that just rocked!!!

05-22-2005, 06:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,955	Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's -- while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. So we progress into the grand finale! : "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

05-22-2005, 06:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,300	Bite me!!! Now ThAT'S funny! L'Chaim! __________________ IMAGINE

05-23-2005, 05:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
exzim Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 104	Why Women are Crabby I love it - thanks! :bravo Maggie __________________ A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle. Unknown Don't wait for people to be kind, show them how. Unknown

05-23-2005, 09:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,161	Just think of how good life would be if a WOMAN didn't take the first bite of an apple LOL __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

05-23-2005, 10:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
wantneeda Miss Behavin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: regina,saskatchewan Posts: 975	:Lmao OMG...that was the funniest thing i've read in a really long time~!!!! honestly i have tears running down my face.. MATTRESSES...oh my.. thanks for the laugh,,,bite me...that just rocked!!! __________________ nothin' changes if nothin' changes

05-23-2005, 06:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
findinganewme old enough to know BETTER!!!!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY, NY Posts: 403	That is so RIGHT ON my sista (yeah ok, trying to sound as cool as you .... BITE ME!?) I can't tell you how this made me laugh! That was just hysterical SO VERY VERY VERY TRUE ...... except, of course, for the line before BIT ME .... WOMEN? The WEAKER sex!?!? In men's dreams! Just imagine if THEY had to experience all that you described!? What do ya think ladies ...... think they could handle it? Wouldn't you just pay anything to see a man DELIVER a baby ..... I mean, literally, of course! Weaker sex, eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ....... NOT! Thanks for getting my morning started on a humorous and hillarious note!!!! You tell 'em! Maria

05-23-2005, 06:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
findinganewme old enough to know BETTER!!!!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY, NY Posts: 403	so so many clever quotes ..... but this one made me ROAR ..... and I'm still practically rolling on the floor laughing! wear little mattresses between our legs [I]

05-23-2005, 06:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
alli61098 Fenway Faithful Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Tartfest 2006 Posts: 876	little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. ROTFLMAO!!!! That is my life.

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)