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|05-22-2005, 06:15 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Why Women Are Crabby
We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then come their teen years. Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's -- while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale! : "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.
|05-23-2005, 06:10 AM||#4 (permalink)|
old enough to know BETTER!!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: NY, NY
That is so RIGHT ON my sista (yeah ok, trying to sound as cool as you .... BITE ME!?)
I can't tell you how this made me laugh! That was just hysterical
SO VERY VERY VERY TRUE ...... except, of course, for the line before BIT ME ....
WOMEN? The WEAKER sex!?!? In men's dreams! Just imagine if THEY had to experience all that you described!?
What do ya think ladies ...... think they could handle it? Wouldn't you just pay anything to see a man DELIVER a baby ..... I mean, literally, of course!
Weaker sex, eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ....... NOT!
Thanks for getting my morning started on a humorous and hillarious note!!!!
You tell 'em!
|05-23-2005, 06:19 AM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tartfest 2006
little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
ROTFLMAO!!!! That is my life.
|05-23-2005, 09:39 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Just think of how good life would be if a WOMAN didn't take the first bite of an apple *LOL*
* I asked God to spare me pain.
God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
Recovery Related Acronym
B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?
|05-23-2005, 10:09 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2005
:Lmao OMG...that was the funniest thing i've read in a really long time~!!!!
honestly i have tears running down my face..
thanks for the laugh,,,bite me...that just rocked!!!
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