Ten Promises For Beginners - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

findinganewme · 04-25-2005, 09:22 PM

:insane Sometimes out of frustration I need to LAUGH and keep myself entertained so as NOT to lose my mind. So, during those times I don't have the strength to handle my problems and I emmerse myself with these jokes. Hope it helps all of you chuckle as well! ENJOY!



TEN PROMISES FOR BEGINNERS:

You will know freedom from Maalox, aspirins, and Listerine.
You will no longer have to approach toilet bowls on your hands and knees.
You won't fall asleep with your contact lenses in.
You will lose interest in inventing excuses for all those empty bottles, like saying you're saving them to store water in case of a hurricane.
No matter how far down the scale your car has gone, it won't stink like a brewery, and--
You'll remember where you left it.
Your pets won't hide under the bed when you come home. Neither will your spouse and kids.
Fear of mirrors and of garbagemen will leave you.
You will intuitively know how to lower your risk of catching social diseases.
You will suddenly realize how much better life is sober, and thank your Higher Power for AA.

Phinneas · 04-25-2005, 09:54 PM

You won't fall asleep with your contact lenses in.

Lordy... If I had a dollar for every time that I had to peel my contacts off my poor eyeballs...

Oh.. turns out my eyes are green, not red!

--phinny

CAPTAINZING2000 · 04-25-2005, 09:57 PM

ME 2 JO JO. Go to the hospital in the middle of the night and have them pry them off. Next day it's like ice picks jabbin me

o the good old days

findinganewme · 04-25-2005, 10:32 PM

OUUUUUUUUUCH!

Thank goodness I don't wear them!

indigo · 04-26-2005, 02:40 AM

You won't wake up with your face staring back of you from the pillow (if you made it to bed) because all your makeup came off in the night....I stopped wearing any makeup after that!!!

indigo

PS Worst thing about that was the 'pillow face' looked better than my own

LVNitUP · 04-26-2005, 05:28 AM

Like you findingme, I do not wear them either!
However, since I have bad allergies and usually forgot to take my meds...after a few days I'd wake up with them swollen shut!!
The pillow makeup thing is pretty scary too!

Thanks for the laugh findingme....I really needed it today!

04-25-2005, 09:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
findinganewme old enough to know BETTER!!!!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY, NY Posts: 403	Ten Promises For Beginners :insane Sometimes out of frustration I need to LAUGH and keep myself entertained so as NOT to lose my mind. So, during those times I don't have the strength to handle my problems and I emmerse myself with these jokes. Hope it helps all of you chuckle as well! ENJOY! <!--<meta name="volume" content="49" /><meta name="issue" content="9" /><meta name="department" content="HUMOR" /><meta name="title" content="Ham on Wry" /><meta name="subtitle" content="" /><meta name="month" content="February" /><meta name="day" content="" /><meta name="year" content="1993" /><meta name="name" content="Ruth R." /><meta name="affiliation" content="" /><meta name="city" content="East Patchogue" /><meta name="state" content="New York" /><meta name="country" content="" />--> *TEN PROMISES FOR BEGINNERS:* *You will know freedom from Maalox, aspirins, and Listerine.* *You will no longer have to approach toilet bowls on your hands and knees.* *You won't fall asleep with your contact lenses in.* *You will lose interest in inventing excuses for all those empty bottles, like saying you're saving them to store water in case of a hurricane.* *No matter how far down the scale your car has gone, it won't stink like a brewery, and--* *You'll remember where you left it.* *Your pets won't hide under the bed when you come home. Neither will your spouse and kids.* *Fear of mirrors and of garbagemen will leave you.* *You will intuitively know how to lower your risk of catching social diseases.* *You will suddenly realize how much better life is sober, and thank your Higher Power for AA.*

04-25-2005, 09:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
Phinneas Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: fumbling towards ecstasy Posts: 2,614	You won't fall asleep with your contact lenses in. Lordy... If I had a dollar for every time that I had to peel my contacts off my poor eyeballs... Oh.. turns out my eyes are green, not red! --phinny __________________ If ten people tell you that you have a tail... you might want to turn around and look.

04-25-2005, 09:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,445 Blog Entries: 1	ME 2 JO JO. Go to the hospital in the middle of the night and have them pry them off. Next day it's like ice picks jabbin me o the good old days __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

04-26-2005, 02:40 AM	#5 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	You won't wake up with your face staring back of you from the pillow (if you made it to bed) because all your makeup came off in the night....I stopped wearing any makeup after that!!! indigo PS Worst thing about that was the 'pillow face' looked better than my own __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

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04-25-2005, 10:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
findinganewme old enough to know BETTER!!!!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY, NY Posts: 403	OUUUUUUUUUCH! Thank goodness I don't wear them!

04-26-2005, 05:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
LVNitUP Loving Life and LVNitUP! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Currently out of my mind Posts: 23	Like you findingme, I do not wear them either! However, since I have bad allergies and usually forgot to take my meds...after a few days I'd wake up with them swollen shut!! The pillow makeup thing is pretty scary too! Thanks for the laugh findingme....I really needed it today!

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