Mental health hotline

[lonlion]

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss please try your call again later.
And, if you have low self-esteem, hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.