Zodiac Signs Insulting Everyone

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Aries: The Ram
(March 21 - April 19)





Personality: Pushy, always "ME, ME, ME".


Likes: Pounds of Pizza Puffs, All sorts of weapons, Chia-pets and tuna roll.


Hates: People with Suntans, geography questions, avocado trees, and hats.


Romance: Fancies a spirited spontaneously spanking. Impatient, they want a piece now or may take thing in their own hand.


Finances: Power Pisses though every penny, even money borrowed from relatives. Have been known to eats bugs for a price.


Life Forecast: Prolific Bed Wetter (uses plastic sheets and Underalls). If they don't get their way they may do disturbing things. Vincent Van Gogh didn't get to bugger a neighborhood girl so he sliced off his ear. Others known to get upset.......



Taurus: The Bull
(April 20 - May 20)





Personality: "Boring".


Likes: Enjoys eight enemas daily to stay regular, also likes goulash.


Hates: Daylight savings time, wind, and ducks.


Romance: Missionary style - slow and easy and has a tendency to dribble on their bed partner.


Finances: Fanatically Frugal, saving every cent, even tried to reuse a condom.


Life Forecast: Definitely dies a very wealthy person but on his life's travel he annoys both family and neighbors and actually has to purchase a spouse using 'Mail order foreign spouses'.

At the top of the list of Taurus's is the undisputed Champ of Dull our man Sigmund Freud who was known to put to sleep, within minutes of his arrival, all participants at a Toga Bash.

The other notable party killer was 'Catherine The Great' who had a horse lowered on her to satisfy her sexual appetite. Unfortunately, her servants, after years of listening to her babble cut the lift harness and her majesty was flattened.

She was buried with a horse penis indentation on her forehead.



Taurus: The Bull
(April 20 - May 20)





Personality: "Boring".


Likes: Enjoys eight enemas daily to stay regular, also likes goulash.


Hates: Daylight savings time, wind, and ducks.


Romance: Missionary style - slow and easy and has a tendency to dribble on their bed partner.


Finances: Fanatically Frugal, saving every cent, even tried to reuse a condom.


Life Forecast: Definitely dies a very wealthy person but on his life's travel he annoys both family and neighbors and actually has to purchase a spouse using 'Mail order foreign spouses'.

At the top of the list of Taurus's is the undisputed Champ of Dull our man Sigmund Freud who was known to put to sleep, within minutes of his arrival, all participants at a Toga Bash.

The other notable party killer was 'Catherine The Great' who had a horse lowered on her to satisfy her sexual appetite. Unfortunately, her servants, after years of listening to her babble cut the lift harness and her majesty was flattened.

She was buried with a horse penis indentation on her forehead.



Gemini: The Twins
(May 21- June 21)





Personality: "Blabber Mouth".


Likes: Flush Toilets, Succulent Strudel, convertible Fords.


Hates: Talking softly in a Library: silence at a movie: Lectures without question and answer part and Aardvarks.


Romance: Gives a blow by blow description during intercourse. Sex Partner usually runs away with their ears bleeding.


Finances: Credit cards explode from charges.


Life Forecast: Fascinated by the Universe. Even if not knowledgeable on a subject talks about it for endless hours. Will end up living in a cardboard box and probably be smothered to death by a fellow street person.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: Ice cream-3






Cancer: The Crab
(June 22 - July 22)





Personality: "Overemotional and Moody".


Likes: Hugs, crying for no apparent reason, One minute holding a love one, next minute choking that loved one.


Hates: Monkey Poo, Eskimos and reality of any kind.


Romance: Very, very clingy - doing anything to keep partner including a good sturdy whippings, wearing sheep clothing, and three-somes. Invented the vibrator out of loneliness.


Finances: Gives away all their money to anyone that asks.


Life Forecast: Probably end up working for an escort service for companionship. Most definitely will catch a multiple of venereal diseases.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: 978AvJ






Leo: The Lion
(July 23 - August 22)





Personality: "Pompous, Bossy, Nosey-body". (most mothers in Law)


Likes: Killing African Ants: living high on the hog: Jell-O Mold : Being the boss.......


.....Hates: When neighbors ask them to close the bathroom window while they are doing their business.


Romance: happily hump anything that moves, anyplace, anytime.


Finances: Never worries because they have become a professional embezzler.


Life Forecast: Does own dentistry. They must feel they are always the center of attention or they can be very cruel. Fidel Castro, Napoleon, and Benito Mussolini are examples. Leo's life ends choking on a fish bone.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: Chevy






Virgo: The Virgin
(August 23 - September 22)





Personality: An Irritator, Criticizer and detail Oriented.


Likes: Public Hangings both federal and state and pungent prunes.


Hates: Unorganized beach parties, concerts without assigned seats, two-ply toilet paper.


Romance: Couldn't get a date with a thousand dollars placed in their zipper. Love life has gone 100% mechanical.


Finances: Tons of dough but no place to spend it.


Life Forecast: They make incredible detectives. Sherlock Holmes, Perry Mason, and Lt. Columbo are the most notable. People scurry and hide when they see a Virgo coming close: known by many but approached by none.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: 8+-1jU






Libra: The Scales
(September 23 - October 22)





Personality: "Doing It My Way".


Likes: Running naked though the park, Playing charades, loosing their temper.


Hates: Braking for Pedestrians, brushing their teeth, speaking Chinese.


Romance: Needs a fistful of Viagra to get in the mood.


Finances: Self determination brings them into a high paying career: Banker or Bank robber, Institutional insurance salesmen or Insurance swindler, Teamster.


Life Forecast: Life has high highs and low lows. Their thirst for power will make them do anything to attain it. A prime example is Heinrich Himmler. Libras end up doing time for all sorts of "Misunderstanding". In later years will end up as dance instructors.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: G902C//






Scorpio: The Scorpion
(October 23- November 21)





Personality: "Break a Leg".


Likes: Parties, getting in front of an audience, hearing applause, Carrot Cake.


Hates: Smelly fish, Iron wrought gates, people that don't instantly recognize them.


Romance: Charming, loving, a sex machine.


Finances: Don't care - money is flowing in.


Life Forecast: Almost guaranteed to be a performer on: the Big screen, Broadway, Street Mime, De-clothing in a strip club or a Politician. Firmly believes that everybody loves them as much as they love themselves. They have a happy life, never being lonely because they have their inner child. Danny Devito, Jamie Lee Curtis, John Cleese and Hillary Clinton are just a few Scorpions.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: u*352=






Sagittarius: The Archer
(November 22 - December 21)





Personality: "The World Is Their Oyster".


Likes: Everything, Everybody, Puppies, Dew on the Rose Petal........

Hilarious birthday horpscopes !!!


.....Hates: The color black, hiccups, cordovan leather.


Romance: Sleeps with thousands and thousand, loving and caring for each one.


Finances: Too busy loving life to care.


Life Forecast: Their optimism would make one throw up. They end up working as a WalMart greeter or a dental hygienists. Their life will be one of happiness and fulfillment and probably leave this earth with multiple stab wounds.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: Lo6672:;






Capricorn: The Goat
(December 22 - January 19)





Personality: "Woe Is Me".


Likes: German made cars, cross-dressing, Alka Seltzer, and holding grudges.


Hates: Unclean tableware, dimples, hemorrhoids, Dastardly Mutants.


Romance: Will find companionship only with the use of an Assault Rifle.


Finances: Makes a lot of money blackmailing friends and family.


Life Forecast: It will be a bumpy ride: becomes an authority figure involved in illegal actions and always claiming "I'm not a crook". The lads that top this list are Herman Goering, J. Edger Hoover and of course Richard Nixon.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: yeppoed#@






*****Aquarius: The Water Carrier
(January 20 - February 18)





Personality: "Sign Me Up".


Likes: Dancing in the buff with flowers in their hair, fighting for any cause, having tons of fun, drinking like madmen.


Hates: Throwing up on themselves, falling down stairs, being used as an ashtray.


Romance: You have hit pay dirt!! "OH! Baby! Your life is the all you can eat smorgasbord booty. You attract the other sex as the flickering light draws the bug. You are a love machine.


Finances: Who Cares!


Life Forecast: You are in for a wonderful and somewhat distracting life with many different and varied experiences. Your last act on earth will cumulate in a love fest with at least three partners with one being a farm animal.....CONGRATULATIONS!!!


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: +brilcream%






Pisces: The Fishes
(February 19 - March 20)





Personality: "Shaken Not Stirred".


Likes: Kumquats, Assassinations, gambling, danger, and intrigue.


Hates: Snorkels, Authority figures, broken nails, guitars, and mustaches.


Romance: Will finally encounter the significant other in a Krisky Kreme shop.


Finances: Hidden jewelry and stolen art.


Life Forecast: Uses Unorthodox methods to accomplish goals. Will prosper outside the law. Their life will end by being hit with many, many bullets all over their body. Bugsy Siegal is a Pisces of particular distinction.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: vvvmpl45}




Well, I given you the blueprint of your life but you can change it if you want. It isn't written in stone (actually it is!). Now get out there and fulfill your destiny no matter how disgusting or disturbing it may be.

[Live]

As an Aquarius I say....sign me up!
I even got the farm animal figured out, I will get thrown off a galloping horse while coupled with a man and so involved we forget to pay attention.
What a way to go! hahahahahahahha
Son of a gun isn't going to bite me or throw me, it will be an accident. We might all run into a fence.

[historyteach]

Cancer: The Crab
(June 22 - July 22)





Personality: "Overemotional and Moody".


Likes: Hugs, crying for no apparent reason, One minute holding a love one, next minute choking that loved one.


Hates: Monkey Poo, Eskimos and reality of any kind.


Romance: Very, very clingy - doing anything to keep partner including a good sturdy whippings, wearing sheep clothing, and three-somes. Invented the vibrator out of loneliness.


Finances: Gives away all their money to anyone that asks.


Life Forecast: Probably end up working for an escort service for companionship. Most definitely will catch a multiple of venereal diseases.


**Your Overall Life Rating Score: 978AvJ

Hmmmm.....don't like this one at all!
What's the rating score mean?

However, I am on the cusp of Leo - can I take the best of both???

L'Chaim!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Lmao Tena, Love It

Teach

No

I Have 2 Keep Mine (((((((((((((((((((((( Aries)))))))))))))))))))))

[spirit]

sadly i am very much the scorpio hahahah
watch out!
kath