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12-16-2004, 03:10 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Guest
Posts: n/a
| Accident with a lawyer
A man runs into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer." "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all through the park." |
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12-16-2004, 07:48 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Don't get undies in a bunch  Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,166
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thinking who the lawyers on SR are  Will just wait here and read the replies *LOL* popcorn anyone?
__________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.  Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today? |
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12-16-2004, 01:47 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,421
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What do you get when you cross a lawyer with The Godfather?    An offer you can't understand.
__________________ It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. 21st century proverb |
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12-16-2004, 01:49 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,421
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I was out today and it was so cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
__________________ It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. 21st century proverb |
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12-16-2004, 01:53 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,421
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At the Cannibal Cuisine shop, a customer was standing in front of the counter reading the prices. Accountant Brains $5.00 per cup, Doctor brains $4.39 perc up, Lawyer Brains $1250.00 per cup. Perplexed, he asked the shopkeep "Why do the Lawyer Brains cost so much?" "Are you kidding? Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get a cup of brains?"
__________________ It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. 21st century proverb |
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12-16-2004, 01:55 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| It is what it is!!!  Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,785
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__________________  I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR |
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12-16-2004, 06:07 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Old and in the Way  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
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A lawyer gets on an elevator, and a beautiful woman steps on after him. She's a tall, cool glass of water, and he can't help noticing that she's giving him a long, slow look from the soles of his black leather wingtips right up to his windsor-knotted, Brooks Brothers tie. Eventually, she turns to him and confesses that lawyers really get her motor running, and she wants to give him a hummer right there on the elevator. Well, says the lawyer. That might be OK. What's in it for me? |
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12-16-2004, 06:15 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Old and in the Way Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
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A lawyer shows up at the pearly gates and is greeted effusively by St. Peter, who congratulates him on his incredible longevity. "We don't get many people here who live to be 125 years old. What's your secret?" asks St. Peter? The lawyer is confused, and informs St. Peter that he was only 63 when he died. "Oh wait a minute, my bad," says St. Peter, "I was going off of your billing records." |
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12-16-2004, 06:27 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,710
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A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed. A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"  |
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12-16-2004, 06:31 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Old and in the Way Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
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That's one of my favorites. Harvard University was hiring a new dean, and the applicants were a mathmetician, an economist and a lawyer. The hiring committee asked each candidate a single question during the interview: What is 2+2? The mathmetician said, "That's easy. Four." The economist said, "Well, it depends, but assuming current market conditions prevail for the foreseeable future, the answer will be four." The lawyer looked around, motioned the committee over and whispered, "How much do you want it to be?" |
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12-16-2004, 07:53 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Climbing walls while sitting in a chair
Posts: 213
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WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DEAD DOG IN THE ROAD AND A DEAD LAWYER IN THE ROAD? There are skid marks in front of the dog.
__________________ You may see me tonight with an illegal smile. John Prine |
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