Ducks

[Debbie]

The math professor's six-year-old son knocks at the door of his father's study.
"Daddy", he says. "I need help with a math problem I couldn't do at school."
"Sure", the father says and smiles. "Just tell me what's bothering you."
"Well, it's a really hard problem: There are four ducks swimming in a pond, when two more ducks come and join them. How many ducks are now swimming in the pond?
The professor stares at his son with disbelief: "You couldn't do that?! All you need to know is that 4 + 2 = 6!"
"Do you think, I'm stupid?! Of course, I know that 4 + 2 = 6. But what does this have to do with ducks!?"

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A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the man notices a low flying airplane comming right for them. So the man yells DUCK!!!! and the duck yells back at the man with an angry face MAN!!!!

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There is this man who has a duck for his best friend and pet.

This man takes his duck everywhere he goes.

The best thing they like to do together is see western movies, they just love them.

While walking down the street one day they came across a movie theater that is playing their all time favorite western, so the man decides to go inside and watch the movie, but the woman selling the tickets says "I'm sorry but there are no ducks allowed in the theater".

The man was outraged and really wanted to see the movie, so he went around the corner and shoved the duck down his pants then goes into the theater to see the movie.

Once in, he gets to his seat and pulls down his Zipper so the duck can watch the movie with him.

Along come two girls who sit beside him.

A short time later the first girl says to the second girl "This man's Zipper is down"

The second girl replies "So what, you've seen one you've seen them all".

First Girl "Yeah but this one has eaten my popcorn!"

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Three golfing buddies died in an auto accident and went to heaven.
Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter told them they were welcome to play the course, but he cautioned them with one rule: "Don't step on the ducks."

The men had blank expressions on their faces, and finally one of them said, "The ducks?"
"Yes," St. Peter Said. "There are millions of ducks walking around the golf course, and when one of them is stepped on, he squawks, and then the one next to him squawks, and soon they're all raising hell and it really breaks the tranquility. If you step on the ducks, you'll be punished."

The men start playing the course, and within 15 minutes, one of the guys stepped on a duck. The duck squawked, and soon there was a deafening roar of ducks quacking.
St. Peter appeared with an extremely homely woman and asked, "Who stepped on a duck?"
"I did," admitted one of the men. St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man to the homely woman. "I told you not to step on the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."

The two other men were very cautious not to step on any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes, St. Peter walked up with a woman who was even uglier than the other one. He determined who stepped on the duck by seeing the fear in the man's face, and he cuffed him to the woman. "I told you not to step on the ducks," St. Peter said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."

The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for fear of nudging a duck. After three months of this, he still hadn't stepped on a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man and had with him the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled and without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.

The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said, "What have I done to deserve this?"
The woman replied: "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

[JT]

Golf AND Ducks?? What am I going to do with you BD? And where is my uzi!!!

[Debbie]

[JT]

LOL!!!!

[Debbie]

Entertaining the Ducks

There was this farmer who had a pond in back of his house but no
ducks in the pond. He had always wanted ducks in the pond so one
day he buys a pair of tame ducks. The ducks prospered and, in fact,
their number doubled evey year.

Since the ducks were the non-migrating variety after a few years the
farm was overun with ducks. The farmer still liked the ducks and
didn't have the heart to shoot them but the density of ducks was
overwhemling.

After thinking it over he deciding he would give them to the city
zoo. So he calls his neighbor down the road, who has a truck, and
says to him "I'll pay you ten dollars if you will take these ducks
to the zoo for me".

His neighbor scratched his head and then, after a bit of thought,
agreed. So off he drove with the ducks.

After a few hours, the neighbour has not returned from the city and
the farmer is getting worried that something went wrong. He gets in
his car and drives into the city only to see his neighbor's truck
parkedoutside of the local movie theater with the neighbor sitting
in the cab.

He asks his neighbor what is going on, and the neighbour says, "Well
I still had money left after taking them to the zoo, so I though I
would take them to the movies with the remainder..."

[Debbie]

Duck In Oven

Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

A. Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers!