The Lighter Side ~ Part 20 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-06-2017, 05:29 AM   #1 (permalink)
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The Lighter Side ~ Part 20


New Thread Continues From Here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6444804 (The Lighter Side ~ Part 19)
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Old 05-06-2017, 05:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Shotgun with a little Calvin and Hobbes...







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Old 05-06-2017, 08:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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According to Wika- the world's funniest joke z9baed on a Spike -M one- he is an Aussie btw).

2hunters in the woods..One gets accidently shot. The other calls emerg. services and shouts to the phone 'my friend has been shot..what do I do?' The emerg. service voice says 'check to see if he is dead..'. T
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Old 05-06-2017, 08:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Boiled sown joke- e3 potential super spies, 2 men and a woman. Each, in turn is given a loaded gn and told to provec their loyalty, they need to shoot the person sitting in the next room. The 2 men in turn, break down and cannot do it- as- the person in the next room is their partner.

The woman goes in- being carefully watched by her superior. She shuts the door and almost immediately there is a loud 'bang'. Then a slight pause and 5 more staccato bangs. Another pause followed by the sound of splintering wood- loud bangs, thumps and screams. Then finally silence.

The lady storms out of the room and goes angrily up to the superior shouting 'YOU BASTARDS! THAT GUN HAD BLANKS IN IT. I HAD TO BREAK THE CHAIR APART AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH!'
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Old 05-06-2017, 01:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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Old 05-06-2017, 03:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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2 Irishmen walk into a pet shop , they walk over to the counter and Gerry says to Paddy " dats dem"
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"yeah , we'll take four of dem dere budgies " says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds and leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says "dis looks like a great place".
He takes 2 birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps of the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom to his death.
Looking down at the remains of his pal Paddy shakes his head and says " no way , dis budgie jumping is to dangerous for me!

THERE'S MORE

Moments later , Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too, he walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying a shotgun and another cardboard box.
"Hi Paddy watch dis" says Seamus .
He takes a parrot out of the box and lets it fly free.
He then throws himself of the cliff with the shotgun.
Paddy watches as half way down , Seamus takes the gun and shoots the Parrot then plummets to his death.
Paddy shakes his head and says "And I am not taking up dat Parrotshooting either ".

IT'S NOT OVER YET...

Next thing Sean appears.
He also has been to the pet shop .
He has a cardboard box and out of it he pulls a chicken.
He then takes the chicken by it's legs and hurls himself of the cliff
and disappears down and down until he is also killed on the rocks below.
Once more Paddy sakes his head "oh Lads , first there was Gerry with his budgie jumping , den Seamus parrotshooting..... and now Sean and his Hengliding !!!!
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Old 05-06-2017, 04:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Opivotal View Post
The last laffs on you!

Thanks Opivotal!
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Old 05-06-2017, 05:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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^^^^

All of the above...

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Old 05-06-2017, 07:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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dumb jokes:
What's E.T. short for?
because he has short legs.

why cant dinosaurs clap?
because theyre dead.

No matter how kind you are, German children will always be Kinder

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?
We have a toot in common.

What did the farmer say when he lost his sheep?


































wheres my sheep!?!?!


BADA tisssss!!!



and you just made that drum sound.
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Old 05-06-2017, 07:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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"Why can't dinosaurs clap?"

"Because they're dead."

R-O-F-L!!!!!
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Old 05-06-2017, 07:56 PM   #11 (permalink)
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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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Old 05-07-2017, 05:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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^^^


Sign me up.
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Old 05-07-2017, 06:40 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hoe many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish.
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Old 05-07-2017, 09:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
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That was good!
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Old 05-09-2017, 05:33 AM   #15 (permalink)
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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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Old 05-09-2017, 03:59 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 05-09-2017, 04:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
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G: In reference to your 'joke' about dinosaurs, Ii really feel I must point out that dinosaurs would not clap-
1) they do not have the same social grouping/bonding behaviours as humans
2) there is no point 2
3) they do not have arms

Further more- making jokes about the dead is offensive.

roar.
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Old 05-09-2017, 04:59 PM   #18 (permalink)
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If felt justified in making that post, G. Hi my name is PhoenixJ, and.......
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:47 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Yeah, PJ, I think you have totally missed the point here.





If Dinosaurs had supported each other, a little applause for a job well done, they might well not be extinct now. Just saying...
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Old 05-10-2017, 05:01 AM   #20 (permalink)
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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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