Words to live by

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's a small world. So you have to use your elbows a lot.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will spend the grocery money on graphite rods and lures.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

[best]

It's a small world. So you have to use your elbows a lot.

just keep them off the table

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Now he tells me. No wonder I can't get off 3rd shift

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
and it may have been beans and franks night


No one is listening until you make a mistake.
or... One Opps! washes out 100 at a boys

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
I always had my younger brother test the water

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
May be? *LOL*



If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
next time they call I will need tell them I missed it so they would call and I would have someone to talk with

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
or as my mother would say... only a good memory will make for a good lier

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
Yup and you get out of it cheap at $20


Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
and never underestimate my own stupidity in any group when alcohol is added

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will spend the grocery money on graphite rods and lures.
and the missed car payments were used for that fine bass boat

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
after today I am starting to question if a motorcycle was even a good choice? OUCH!

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
No I have the facts... just didn't understand them all

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
and I must be the smartest person in the world by now then.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.
and on a motorcycle a closed mouth also gathers no bugs in the teeth