It's progressive eh! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dan · 07-17-2004, 08:51 AM

The Five Stages of Drunkenness

Stage One: SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage Two: GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage Three: RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cause you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage Four: BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and heck, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage Five: INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

Anyone relate?

lmao

Dan · 07-17-2004, 08:57 AM

One more...

Internetaholics Anonymous

Hello.

Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is?

Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help. We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.

We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured", you most certainly can recover.

We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:

1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway?
6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?
10) All of the above?

If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at: 1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORYOUROWNSAKE.

We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem. Call us today. If you can power off to free up your phone line, that is.

Anyone relate?

Gooch · 07-17-2004, 01:25 PM

The End

the other end

another end

the last page with link to the first page

the next to the last page

I think I see your point

oh wait it's broken

Chy · 07-17-2004, 01:26 PM

*LMAO* Guilty as charged!!!

07-17-2004, 08:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,710	It's progressive eh! The Five Stages of Drunkenness Stage One: SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART. Stage Two: GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage Three: RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cause you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world. Stage Four: BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and heck, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway! Stage Five: INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words. Anyone relate? lmao

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07-17-2004, 08:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,710	One more... Internetaholics Anonymous Hello. Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help. We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem. We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured", you most certainly can recover. We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you: 1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal? 2) Check e-mail more than five times a day? 3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping? 4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online? 5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway? 6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions? 7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head? 8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome? 9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box? 10) All of the above? If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at: 1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORYOUROWNSAKE. We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem. Call us today. If you can power off to free up your phone line, that is. Anyone relate?

07-17-2004, 01:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
Gooch Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: out there... Posts: 2,654	The End the other end another end the last page with link to the first page the next to the last page I think I see your point oh wait it's broken

07-17-2004, 01:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,867	LMAO Guilty as charged!!!

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