Vodka and Religon don't mix. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

06-07-2004, 07:14 AM

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1 Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2 There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3 There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4 Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5 Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6 We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7 The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8 David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

9 When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10 We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11 When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12 The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13 The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14 Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Dan · 06-07-2004, 11:55 AM

Doug, I want what you have man

NOD · 06-07-2004, 02:28 PM

LM'holy'AO

Gabe · 06-07-2004, 02:40 PM

Vodka and Religion Don't Mix: Take Two

A little nun walks into a liquor store and asks for a pint of vodka. The salesman says, "Sister, whatever do you need a pint of vodka for?"
The nun replies, "It's for Mother Superior's constipation."
The salesman doesn't reply, but sells her the vodka.
Later that night, the salesman closes up the store and walks to his car. He finds the little nun in the parking lot, drunk off her ass.
"Sister!" he says, "You told me that vodka was for Mother Superior's constipation!"
"It is", the little nun replied. "Don't you think she's gonna sh*t when she sees me like this?"

2stop · 06-09-2004, 01:29 PM

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

06-07-2004, 07:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
Doug Guest Posts: n/a	Vodka and Religon don't mix. A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1 Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2 There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3 There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4 Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5 Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6 We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7 The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8 David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. 9 When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10 We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11 When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . 12 The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13 The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14 Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

06-07-2004, 02:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
NOD Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Climbing walls while sitting in a chair Posts: 217	LM'holy'AO __________________ You may see me tonight with an illegal smile. John Prine

06-09-2004, 01:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,669	Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

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06-07-2004, 11:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,723	Doug, I want what you have man

06-07-2004, 02:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,959	Vodka and Religion Don't Mix: Take Two A little nun walks into a liquor store and asks for a pint of vodka. The salesman says, "Sister, whatever do you need a pint of vodka for?" The nun replies, "It's for Mother Superior's constipation." The salesman doesn't reply, but sells her the vodka. Later that night, the salesman closes up the store and walks to his car. He finds the little nun in the parking lot, drunk off her ass. "Sister!" he says, "You told me that vodka was for Mother Superior's constipation!" "It is", the little nun replied. "Don't you think she's gonna sh*t when she sees me like this?"

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