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|05-21-2011, 04:28 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2011
Something to lift your mood :)
Feelin good today! So, instead of posting any type of daily struggle or troubles, I figured I'd post a joke I always enjoyed
There was this man who walked in to a bar.
He sits down, and asks the bartender, "3 shots of your finest whiskey please!"
The bartender brings the man his 3 shots of whiskey.
He sits there for a little bit and drinks all 3 shots. Then leaves the bar.
He goes back to the bar the next day, and sits back down. He again orders the same 3 shots of whiskey. Drinks all 3, and again quitely leaves.
The next day the man once again goes to the bar and sits down, and orders 3 shots of whiskey. This time the bartender says to him, "You know sir, I can put all those 3 shots in one glass for you if you like." The man says, "No no. I prefer to drink them each seperately. You see I have 2 brothers across seas whom I don't see offen, and 2 of these shots of whiskey represent them. So drinking them like this makes me feel like were all here drinking together."
The bartender understands and leaves the man to drink.
The man does this routine everyday for about a month, and the bartender always serves him the way he requests with the 3 individual shots.
Until one day the man walks into the bar and says, "Bartender! 2 shots of whiskey today please."
The Bartender asks, "Is everything alright? Are your brothers OK? Did something happen to one of your brothers?!"
The man says, "No no no. Both my brothers are fine and healthy. Today is just the day I decided to stop drinking."
Some of you may have heard this one before, but I always got a kick out of it
Always just trying to lighten spirits!
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|05-21-2011, 06:23 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2011
Did you hear about the drunk that found an oil lamp on the beach? He rubbed it to get a closer look and a genie popped out. The genie said, "Thank you for releasing me, I'll now grant you 3 wishes." The drunk pondered for a moment, then said -"A bottomless bottle of the finest whiskey would suit me just fine." *Poof - a bottle of whiskey appears. The drunk took a big, full swig and looked at the bottle and found that it was still full! The genie said "you have two more wishes and I can be free." The drunk looked at the genie perplexed. Then said "Well- I'll take two more of these of course!"
|05-21-2011, 07:35 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
A woman married to an alcoholic stumbles upon a leprechaun. The leprechaun informs the woman she will be granted three wishes, however, whatever she wishes for her husband will get ten times. The woman understands, and wishes for a million dollars. Leprechaun says okay, but your husband will get ten million? Woman says that's okay. Next wish, I want to play scratch golf. Leprechaun says cool, but your husband will be ten times better. Woman says that's fine with me. Leprechaun says you have one wish left, use it carefully. Woman says I wish for a little teeny heart attack.
“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”-Anthony de Mello
|05-21-2011, 07:43 PM||#6 (permalink)|
...is learning and growing...
Join Date: Mar 2011
Oops just remembered there's a "follies" section so these may get moved...
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." ~Marcel Proust
|05-21-2011, 11:27 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2011
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson.
Last edited by StPeteGrad; 05-21-2011 at 11:29 PM. Reason: add another
|05-21-2011, 11:49 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
There was an aussie farmer who was making sexy suggestive moves and flirty gestures at the front, the back and near the seat of his tractor.
His farm supervisor walked into the shearing shed and said "Bloody hell Bill, what are you doing for Gods sake?"
Bill turned around and said ,
"Things have not been going too well in the bedroom for me and Susie lately. I went to the doctor and asked him what I could do to make it better"
"Bloody hell mate" Said his farm supervisor , "That is a gutsy move Bill , What did he say ?"
The farmer replied
"The Doctor said things would get better in the bedroom if I did something sexy to attractor !"
I know I left my sandwiches in here somewhere. I saw them just before the sewer backed up .
|05-22-2011, 03:45 AM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2011
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is
leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette,
with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet,
rolls over, and says, 'Well, I guess we finally
answered THAT question.'
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