~~~ Think Before You Speak ~~~ - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

wingsfree · 11-12-2003, 01:23 PM

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word .... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soon, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

True Blue · 11-12-2003, 01:46 PM

Justme2, the last one about the weatherman. LOL

2stop · 11-12-2003, 01:51 PM

LMAO here...too funny!!!!

Cecilia · 11-12-2003, 04:11 PM

LMAO. SEE how they are.
Thats why I dont have any kids.
My mother put a CURSE on me.
"When you grow up I hope you have kids and they act just like you."

I AM · 11-14-2003, 02:37 PM

Talkin about how kids can embarrass you. I was in a local mall during the Christmas rush (you can imagine how crowded it was) one year when my little boy was about 5 yrs. old. I was gonna try on some jeans and he went in the dressing room with me. When we went in to try them on I didn't have on my normal underware. Not use to seeing different underware on me, he yells, Daddy, you don't have any underware on. Of course, you know what everyone was thinking when they heard that. Needless to say I didn't make eye contact when I came out.

wingsfree · 11-14-2003, 07:06 PM

Welcome to sobriety recovery.

Funny story....yep out of the mouth of babes......hey did you turn 20 different shades of red.

haha.

I AM · 11-17-2003, 05:37 AM

If there's 20 shade, I turned them.

historyteach · 11-18-2003, 09:05 AM

I honestly laughed so hard, I started crying!
Thanks for making my day.

saucy · 11-18-2003, 09:10 AM

I am still laughing. Saucy

11-12-2003, 01:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
wingsfree Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Life Is Short Posts: 2,018	~~~ Think Before You Speak ~~~ Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did.... I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word .... he knew better. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soon, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! __________________ *God provides the winds, but man must raise the sails........Saint Augustine*

11-12-2003, 01:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
True Blue Pray For Our Troops Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,143	Justme2, the last one about the weatherman. LOL __________________ Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles." Samuel Smiles

11-12-2003, 01:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,669	LMAO here...too funny!!!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

11-14-2003, 07:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
wingsfree Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Life Is Short Posts: 2,018	I AM Welcome to sobriety recovery. Funny story....yep out of the mouth of babes......hey did you turn 20 different shades of red. haha. __________________ *God provides the winds, but man must raise the sails........Saint Augustine*

11-18-2003, 09:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	I honestly laughed so hard, I started crying! Thanks for making my day. __________________ IMAGINE

11-12-2003, 04:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Cecilia Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 412	LMAO. SEE how they are. Thats why I dont have any kids. My mother put a CURSE on me. "When you grow up I hope you have kids and they act just like you."

11-14-2003, 02:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
I AM Paused Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: OH Posts: 24	Talkin about how kids can embarrass you. I was in a local mall during the Christmas rush (you can imagine how crowded it was) one year when my little boy was about 5 yrs. old. I was gonna try on some jeans and he went in the dressing room with me. When we went in to try them on I didn't have on my normal underware. Not use to seeing different underware on me, he yells, Daddy, you don't have any underware on. Of course, you know what everyone was thinking when they heard that. Needless to say I didn't make eye contact when I came out.

11-17-2003, 05:37 AM	#7 (permalink)
I AM Paused Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: OH Posts: 24	If there's 20 shade, I turned them.

11-18-2003, 09:10 AM	#9 (permalink)
saucy Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: alberta canada Posts: 14	I am still laughing. Saucy

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