Ponderisms

[CAPTAINZING2000]

PONDERISMS


* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learnedthat most people die of natural causes.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and thedead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which onecan die.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is thedepth.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying inhospitals dying of nothing.

* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, butit takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'Ithink I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there asong about him?

* Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you getundressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is madefrom vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of AlphabetSoup?

* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make itarrive faster?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

* Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?