To My Dear Wife - 365 times. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

StillInTheDumps · 08-20-2003, 02:50 PM

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

>

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days.

>

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

>

54 times the sheets were clean

>

17 times it was too late

>

49 times you were too tired

>

20 times it was too hot

>

15 times you pretended to be sleep

>

22 times you had a headache

>

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

>

16 times you said you were too sore

>

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

>

9 times you said weren't in the mood

>

7 times you were sunburned

>

6 times you were watching the late show

>

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

>

9 times you said your mother would hear us

>

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:

>

6 times you just laid there

>

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

>

4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

>

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

>

KEEP READING.......

>

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

>

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
didn't get more than you did:

>

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't ***

>

33 times you came too soon

>

19 times you went soft before you got in

>

38 times you worked too late

>

10 times you got cramps in your toes

>

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

>

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

>

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

>

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

>

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

>

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

>

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

>

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

>

Of the times we did get together:

>

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the
sheets.

>

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,
"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
breathe.

>

Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.

>

This game has been played since 1996.

>

You must send this letter to 7 people.

>

On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."

>

This is not a joke.

>

It has worked for many years.

>

If you break the chain,

>

you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever.

>

This is just for future readers.

>

This began in 1996,not much of a past, but it works.

>

So here are the rules:

>

If you read this on a Sunday,wish for a good week

If you read this on a Monday, wish for money

If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love

If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success

If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want

If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date

If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call

Send this to seven people (after you make a wish).

>

Make sure it is sent as soon as you read it or your wish won't come
true.

2stop · 08-20-2003, 02:57 PM

OMG>>!!LMAO!!!!!!

HarryH · 08-20-2003, 07:14 PM

ROTFLMAO

And I absolutely refuse to show this to my wife.

Harry

wingsfree · 09-16-2003, 05:34 PM

OH MY GOSH, that is hilarious.....LOL LOL LOL

08-20-2003, 02:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
StillInTheDumps Paused Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: The Thin Ice Posts: 105	To My Dear Wife - 365 times. During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. > I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. > The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: > 54 times the sheets were clean > 17 times it was too late > 49 times you were too tired > 20 times it was too hot > 15 times you pretended to be sleep > 22 times you had a headache > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby > 16 times you said you were too sore > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early > 9 times you said weren't in the mood > 7 times you were sunburned > 6 times you were watching the late show > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us > 9 times you said your mother would hear us > Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: > 6 times you just laid there > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move > KEEP READING....... > TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: > I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't *** > 33 times you came too soon > 19 times you went soft before you got in > 38 times you worked too late > 10 times you got cramps in your toes > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV > Of the times we did get together: > The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. > I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. > Once you read this letter you have to keep it going. > This game has been played since 1996. > You must send this letter to 7 people. > On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you." > This is not a joke. > It has worked for many years. > If you break the chain, > you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever. > This is just for future readers. > This began in 1996,not much of a past, but it works. > So here are the rules: > If you read this on a Sunday,wish for a good week If you read this on a Monday, wish for money If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call Send this to seven people (after you make a wish). > Make sure it is sent as soon as you read it or your wish won't come true.

08-20-2003, 02:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,669	OMG>>!!LMAO!!!!!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

08-20-2003, 07:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
HarryH JUST FOR TODAY Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Lowell, MA Posts: 104	ROTFLMAO And I absolutely refuse to show this to my wife. Harry __________________ What I am is God's gift to me, What I make of myself, is my gift to Him.

09-16-2003, 05:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
wingsfree Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Life Is Short Posts: 2,018	OH MY GOSH, that is hilarious.....LOL LOL LOL __________________ *God provides the winds, but man must raise the sails........Saint Augustine*

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