One Liners

[HarryH]

Subject: One Liners




1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
impressive new book: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss... the Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning: one brilliant flash and it's gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in
the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up,
the drink spilled, and that ice... well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of
course, there's also shipping and handling.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the
impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a
large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me
off. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal
fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription
for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he
was doing and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told
him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will.
He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to
bite."

13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

[Ann]