New Financial Terms

[CAPTAINZING2000]

New Financial Terms

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing investors to mistake themselves for financial geniuses.

BEAR MARKET– a 6-to-18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO! – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – Archaic word no longer in use.

# # # # #

If you had purchased $1000 in shares of Delta Airlines

one year ago, you would have $49 today.

If you had purchased $1000 in shares of AIG

one year ago, you would have $33 today.

If you had purchased $1000 in shares of Lehman Brothers

one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But...if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer

one year ago, drank all the beer,

then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling,

you would have received $214.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan

is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg.

[NeedingHelp7]

But...if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling,
you would have received $214.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan
is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.

No no no....Don't listen to this part.

[hadit]

I could cry for all the money I SPENT... But now you mean to tell me I threw out $ 6,420.00 worth of empty cans ???

[CAPTAINZING2000]

LOL

I NEVER WOULD THROW OUT THE CANS. AN OLD TIMER I DRANK WITH SAID, NOT TO WHEN, DRIVING AROUND DRINKING IF, YOU TOSSED ONE OUT IN FRONT OF A COP, THEY WOULD NAIL YOU FOR SURE FOR LITTERING.

iI GOT PULLED OVER ONE NIGHT AND THEY OPENED UP THE DOOR AND BEER CANS WENT ROLLING OUT ON THE GROUND. I NEVER GOT A TICKET. TOLD THEM, I WAS COLLECTING CANS.

DUH