Jokes of all kinds from Dad

[Debbie]

Adult content in a couple of these

A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The
husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself
ready. The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee
and says "Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin."

The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling
at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his fathers
house. When he gets there, his father says, "Son, what are you
doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon."

The son says, "Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers.
She's a virgin."

"Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't
good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn't good enough f
or ours!"

-----------------------------------
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

-------------------------------
A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this
fall. In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them
somehow. With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl,
he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people.

With this in mind he went to the local TV station to speak with
the advertising manager. The farmer said, "I would like to
purchase a minute or two during the Super Bowl to advertise
my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful crop of beans of
all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red beans..."

The sales manager said, "Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what
would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising
time?"

The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very
solemnly, "I'd be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those
folks."

"$300?" the manager yelled, "You must be out of your mind!!!
The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure
of the Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay
MILLIONS of dollars to reach the audience!"

The farmer very evenly replied, "I'm sure that's right. But
those people are out for blood. I'm just farting around."


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There was a gentleman living in a small village who had a
stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a
nursing mother.

Well, there weren't too many women in the village nursing
babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man
to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man
finally found a rather buxom young girl who had recently given
birth and was willing to help him out--for a price.

The man was desperate because his condition was growing
worse, so he agreed to pay the woman the amount of money
she demanded. After all, the woman had a newborn baby to
care for and the father had abandoned them to their fate.

The first day was a bit awkward as the man showed up and,
with a bit of anxiety and embarrassment, leaned over and
began to suckle the woman's breast.

Well, weeks went by and the awkwardness began to fade.

One day, the woman realized that the man's suckling was
beginning to arouse her sexually. It became almost unbearable
and finally, in a sensuous voice, she said, "Is there anything
else you'd like?"

The man paused in his suckling for a moment, looked up at

Her, and said, "Yeah, got any cookies?"

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"Nishiki Okimoto died yesterday. He was one of the primary
engineers who worked on the original VCR. His funeral service
will be at 12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00..."
---Dennis Miller

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I was about to walk on to do my show one night when a man in
the audience stopped me and said, 'Rodney, do me a favor
before you go on. Could I have your autograph...and some
more butter?'
---Rodney Dangerfield

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[2stop]

LMAO!!!!!!!!~

[Omega]

Ooooooooh... stop it... my side hurts!
:lol

-O-

[Ann]

I always enjoy your dad's jokes.