Redneck Church - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

CAPTAINZING2000 · 02-27-2009, 12:34 PM

Redneck Church
You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear."

Pancake · 03-02-2009, 01:40 PM

That is JUST HILARIOUS! CaptainZing!!!! OMG wot a hoot! Thanks a ton for such a funny post! AND...my relations really ARE "Rednecks"!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrggghh!

LOL

Love Pancake =^..^= xo

CAPTAINZING2000 · 03-02-2009, 04:25 PM

lol

I just got back from Wal Mart here in town. That's where they go when, not at church

02-27-2009, 12:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,631 Blog Entries: 1	Redneck Church Redneck Church You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!) You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale". You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear." __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

03-02-2009, 01:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
Pancake Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 530	That is JUST HILARIOUS! CaptainZing!!!! OMG wot a hoot! Thanks a ton for such a funny post! AND...my relations really ARE "Rednecks"!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrggghh! LOL Love Pancake =^..^= xo __________________ Sober since January 1, 2009 NON-Smoker since September 16, 2009

03-02-2009, 04:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,631 Blog Entries: 1	lol I just got back from Wal Mart here in town. That's where they go when, not at church __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

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