More jokes from Dad

[Debbie]

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her fathersaid ' No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ.' Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to, a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said ' I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond, you're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.' So he
sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said ' Where is your sister?' They replied ' We were almost there Daddy and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read 'Clarence 13'6'' so we turned around and got the hell out of there.'

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An Italian walks into a bar with a bad knee and notices a guy sitting at the end of the bar. He walks the bartender who it was. The bartender told him it was Jesus. The Italian ordered a drink for himself and Jesus.

Next, a carpenter walks in. He asked if that was Jesus. He then ordered a drink for himself and for Jesus.

Finally, a redneck walks in and orders a drink for himself and Jesus.

A few minutes later, Jesus gets up and goes to the Italian. He thanked him for his generosity and healed him. Jesus walked over to the carpenter, thanked him, and healed him. Then, he walked over to the redneck. The redneck jumped up and shouted," Don't heal me, I'm on disability!"

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Women are like guns, keep one around long enough
and your going to want to shoot it.

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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

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Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in
Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and
says "I'm going to throw this $100 bill out
and make someone down below happy."

Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If
that was my $100 bill, I would split it into 2 $50
bills and make two people down below happy."

Of course Clinton doesn't want these two
candidates to outdo him, so he pipes in, "I
would instead take 100 $1 bills and throw them out
to make 100 people just a little happier."

At this point the pilot, who has overheard all
this bragging and can't stand it anymore,
comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of
you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."

[Ann]

LOL - Debbie I love your Dad!!!! I can see where you get your wonderful sense of humour.

[SkyIsFalling42]

Im not sure which is making me laugh.....barbiedeb's post or ann's cat!!

[2stop]

Those were too funny!!LOL!!