You might be an addict...

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…
if you ever tried to convince the paramedic that you were alright to go home after your heart attack, you might be an addict.
if you ever OD’ed but still tried to keep the cops from finding your stash, you might be an addict.
if all 10 people in the room are huddled around the television showing the feed from the camera pointed at the driveway, you might be an addict.
if every time you see headlights on the TV everyone in the room runs to the closet to hide, you might be an addict.
if you have ever analyzed the shadows you swear you saw on the TV because you were convinced there was someone lurking there, you might be an addict.
if you're handcuffed in the back of a cop car on your way to jail despite all that time you spent hiding in the closet, you might be an addict.
if you remember everything about your arrest except the ride to the police station, you might be an addict.
if your car breaks down on the way to cop and you ask the police to give you a jump, you might be an addict.
if you spend 23.5 hours in your closet even though you live alone, you might be an addict.
if your arms look like they were used for a dart tournament, you might be an addict.
if when you see one of those wide thick straws from McDonald’s you think I need this later, you might be an addict
if every story you have starts with, "We were really high, and...", you might be an addict.
if you have ever looked at your passenger to ask how you were driving, you might be an addict.
if you have ever been relieved that the cops took all your booze because he didn't take the stash from your boxers, you might be an addict.
if your drug friends tell you to take it easy, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You just might be an addict…
If you find yourself saying "It's not hurting anyone but me!" more than 6 times in less than 5 minutes...you just might be an addict.
If you wake up in the morning and find things in your apartment you don't remember buying...you just might be an addict.
If you find yourself planning vacations around the drugs you intend to take...you just might be an addict.
If you've ever smoked something unidentifiable you picked off the carpet just in case it might be the drugs you think you dropped there...you just might be an addict.
If your dealer ever suggested that you slow down...you just might be an addict.
If you don’t remember why you are handcuffed to the bench at the police station after being arrested…you just might be an addict.
If the sunrise is merely a reminder that you neglected to go to sleep AGAIN… you just might be an addict.
If you're lying in your bed and you think that you might be OD'ing so you use more to kill the pain...you just might be an addict.
If you steal your roommates money and then help him look for it...you just might be an addict.
If your shorts and shirts have burn holes from dropped cigarettes...you might be an addict.
If you swear you're quitting but you are still going to use on the weekends...you might be an addict.
If you have no fingernails...you might be an addict.
If you have never studied in your life but spent your whole day researching the fastest route to your dealers house...you might be an addict.
If you find yourself sleeping with you shotgun...you might be an addict.
If the sun comes up and you are still cleaning your carpet...you might be an addict.
If a porn director offers you unlimited dope for being in his movies, and you steal the dope and run...you might be an addict.

[wolflet]

If you steal your roommates money and then help him look for it...you just might be an addict.


LOL & OUCH!

never their $$$, but sometimes a stash.....(i never shot up, or got hooked on "hard drugs" (if you can kill yourself with it whatz the diff anyway between what type of drugs they are?!......)

.......or.....

you might be an addict if you're looking for your own stash/$$ & you don't even have a roommate.

[ColdSweat]

Haha, me and my boyfriend read these and cracked up over and over again. And we both dislike Jeff Foxworthy, so it was great.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict….
If you ever got beat but smoked it all anyway just in case some real **** somehow snuck in there, you might be an addict.
If your mini-blinds are permanently disfigured from geeking, you might be an addict.
If you consider long nods time traveling, you might be an addict.
If looking out your window keeps you from hitting your pipe, you might be an addict.
If you walk up to the counter at the pharmacy and he says " 1 bag of half cc short needle...?" , you might be an addict.
If you know that the Stop and Go has a perfect toilet paper holder that works as a counter top, you might be an addict.
If your idea of complimenting someone’s stuff is " I bet I could get a bundle for that", you might be an addict.
If you are banned from every hotel room in town, you might be an addict.
If parents hold their kids hand when they walk by, you might be an addict.
If you hide **** from yourself, you might be an addict.
If you spend 45 minutes in the cold medicine aisle at the drug store reading the labels on the cold relief meds, but will snort any powdered substance placed in front of you with a straw, you might be an addict.
If you have bought a "fifth" of scope at the 24 hour pharmacy, because the liquor store closed at 2am and you can't make it until dawn for a drink, you might be an addict.
If you've ever taken prenatal vitamins to counter act your lack of nutrition and you are not pregnant or a woman, you might be an addict.
If Wal-Mart refuses to give you refunds even with a receipt, you might be an addict.
If you come home 2 weeks later and your explanation starts with "You're not going to believe what happened....", you might be an addict.
If you ever got a credit card for the sole purpose of buying stuff to pawn, you might be an addict.
If you let random people crash on your floor so you can steal their drugs while they're sleeping, you might be an addict.
If you bought something and pawned it on the same day, you might be an addict
If after being on a 3 day run you go to get your car and can't find it, so you report it stolen to the police, then 2 days later you find it and are so relived you head down the road only to be pulled over at gun point and taken to jail for a DUI & driving a stolen vehicle because you forgot to call the law and tell them you found your ride, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict….
If you have to look out your window to see if its night or day, you might be an addict.
If you know the exact date your friends refill their prescriptions, you might be an addict.
If you think the newsman on the evening news is really talking to you, you might be an addict.
If you get paid at work on Friday and you have to mail money to yourself so you'll have gas money on Monday, you might be an addict.
If you wake up on a garbage scow in the middle of the Hudson bay with an empty bottle of vodka in each hand and a pigeon on your forehead, you might be an addict
If you take apart your car and put it back together and still have nuts and bolts left, you might be an addict.
If you keep peeking out of your window the middle of the night, you might be an addict.
If you have a lit cigarette in every room of your house, you might be an addict.
If your gas light in your car has been on for three days, you might be an addict.
If when you wake up and don’t remember last night, but you have more money in your pocket than you did before, you might be an addict.
If at the end of every summer you think, ‘damn, missed another one. Next year we'll get out and about’, you might be an addict.
If you realize that the "dope" you just bought is actually ground-up sweet tarts and then proceed to shoot it all anyway, you might be an addict.
If you have to ask someone else if you had a good time last night, you might be an addict.
If you've ever thought, "I wonder what would happen if I smoked this, " you might be an addict.
If you've had your 30th beer by noon, you might be an addict.
If you think April 15th should be a holiday, you might be an addict.

[OXFORD]

if you see empty bottles on the ground and think..."this could come in handy" you might be an addict.

if you've ever considered driving to Buffalo cause all the beer stores in Toronto were closed, you might be an addict.

if you've ever been to lazy to find an alley to **** in, you might be an addict.

if you've ever crashed a convention at a hotel, drank all the nearly finished glasses you might be an addict.

if you've ever drank guiness cause it's "like a meal" you might be an addict.

if you've ever refilled bottles with water for clear stuff, tea for brown stuff, you might be an addict.

if you've ever tried injecting your anti-depressants you might be an addict.

a few for creative people

if you've ever researched how to make you're own LSD before painting you might be an addict

if you've ever OD'd while trying to write a story you might be an addict

if you've ever explained the "Buffalo Theory" to anyone, you might be an addict

Quoting Hunter S. Thompson, you might be an addict.

if you've ever used Van Gogh, Coleridge, Hemingway, Phillip K. Dick, Jim Morrison to back up your drug use, you might be an addict.

if you've ever compared the pros and cons of LSD, heroin or cocaine and came out in favor of those, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…
If you have ever cooked a 7 course meal with no intention of eating it, you might be an addict.
If you’re dealer calls you every morning just to take you’re order, you might be an addict.
If you know all the dealers by heart but noone else’s, you might be an addict.
If when you drive to meet "the man" you’re car breaks down and you walk the next 5 miles in 15 minutes you just might be an addict.
If it takes you 3 seconds to drink a beer, you might be an addict.
If you've ever thrown up and then dug through it to find undissolved pills, you might be an addict
If your socks look like a Dalmatian, you might be an addict.
If you don’t have any thing that plugs into the wall, you might be an addict.
If you are stopped at the door of the pawn shop, you might be an addict.
If you go back to the pawn shop to get a phone number off that cell phone you just pawned, you might be an addict.
If some one asks you how much your pay check was and you answered about 6 rocks, you might be an addict.
If you go to the quickie mart to cash your check and have to make a phone call first, you might be an addict.
If you ask "do i look high?", you might be an addict.
If you can tell the time by which infomercial is on TV, you might be an addict.
If you are riding you bike at 3 am with a DVD player in your bag, you might be an addict.
if you ever said " hold on let me finish this" to the cop who told you to get out of the car, you just might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

Ya might an addict…
if you come to, out of a blackout, in the back of a police cruiser...ya might be an addict.
if yer first "spiritual awakening" comes to ya while yer in the county solitary confinement...ya might be an addict.
if yer first "higher power" was a court judge...ya might be an addict.
if you’ve ever said OR thought, "no, really!! It’s different THIS time!"...ya might be an addict.
if the lyrics "too much of everything is just enough" puts a grin on yer face...ya might be an addict.
if you can find a vein before you can find a parking spot…ya might be an addict.
if your sofa has no change left in it…ya might be an addict.
if you use your stove and never cook food…ya might be an addict.
if you use birthday candles to light your pipe…ya might be an addict
if you swear their are people in the (empty) apartment next door to you and sit for hours against the wall because you swear you can hear them listening to you listening to them…ya might be an addict
if three sleepless dope filled days later your across town and you swear those pesky neighbors from the apartments are in the trees and try to sneak up on them (two hours later still formulating a plan of attack)…ya might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…
if you see some one looped outta there mind and want some of whatever they took, you might be an addict.
if someone OD’s and you want to know where they got it from, you might be an addict.
if you know that driving with one eye shut gets rid of double vision, you might be an addict.
if a part of your window blind is set up for a peek hole, you might be an addict.
if you're using your unpaid bills to roll up because you're so broke you can't afford real roll ups, you might be an addict.
if you're a walking encyclopedia about how to beat drug tests, you might be an addict.
if you get twitchy and nervous around cops even when you don’t have drugs on you, you might be an addict.
if you've ever carpet farmed when you still had dope just because you know you dropped some and need to get a bigger shot, you might be an addict.
if you've ever drank to get in the game then got too drunk to play, you might be an addict.
if you've ever done something really stupid or degrading to entertain your friends because one offered you a few dollars, a pack of cigarettes or a joint, you might be an addict
if you've ever had to explain why you and your friend(s) were in the bathroom together, you might be an addict
if you've ever thought about being a cop so you could bust people and smoke their ****, you might be an addict
if you fall asleep with a Snickers bar and the chocolate gets all over your body and you think you've **** yourself again, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…
if you try to fix something that ain’t broke, you might be an addict!
if you have 10 vcr's and none of the work anymore because you are working on them, you might be an addict!
if you think the FBI is after you and you realize you must be out of it but it turns out they are, you might be an addict!
if you think the world is against you because you get a paper handed to you which states. "the people of the united states of America vs. (your name here)", you might be an addict!
if the spiders under your skin tell you to slow down, you might be an addict!
if your house is spotless and your teeth look like sh*t, you might be an addict!
if you choose to drive across country rather than take a plane and possibly get your works confiscated, you might be an addict!
if you spend time practicing forging doctors' handwriting, you might be an addict!
if your first boyhood crush was your probation officer, you might be an addict!
if you forgot brillo pads and baking soda were actually made for cleaning, you might be an addict!
if you have more tattoos than teeth, you might be an addict!
if you've ever used your inmate ID to buy malt liquor, you might be an addict!
If you can convert grams to ounces, ounces to pounds, and pounds to kilos, but have no idea how many quarts are in a gallon, you might be an addict!
if you put potato chips on your stairs to hear if some one is coming, you might be an addict!
if you turn out all the lights in your house and hide under the table flaming up a big ass lighter swearing up and down no one can see, you might be an addict!
if you keep getting pissed cause you keep finding rice on the floor of your kitchen instead of crack,
you might be an addict!
if you keep telling the person to shut up as your looking out the window saying, ‘Shhh, I think they’re coming!’,
you might be an addict!

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…
If you have ever smoked catnip to get high because your friend told you it "kitty canabis", you might be an addict.
If you drank a whole bottle of robatussin because noone was answering the phone, you might be an addict.
If you dug a whole in the woods and called it your "safe house" so you could use without everyone watching, you might be an addict.
If you puked from drinking to much and was happy cause you "had more room" to drink again, you might be an addict.
If you lit your hair on fire smoking whatever with a lighter that looked more like a torch, you might be an addict.
If you've ever cut a totally obvious hole in the garage door of the place that you're renting so you can watch for cops at 4:00 a.m., you might be an addict.
If you've ever talked about how sick your f&^cked up neighbor was cuz he was convinced the cops had flying cyborgs monitoring the neighborhood for dealers, while at the same time you consistently burst into empty rooms convinced the strangers in there were talking about you, you might be an addict.
If you ever did your dope in the bathtub because you were convinced the mirrors had microthin cameras in them, you might be an addict.
If you ever thought the birds chirping in the morning when you came home were bird whistles used by the cops to signal each other that you were home, you might be an addict.
If you ever thought you had psychic abilities and could read people's futures, you might be an addict.
If you ever scraped so many baggies that you probably snorted the equivalent of 20 hefty bags, you might be an addict
If the cook at the local detox knows your favorite meal, you might be an addict.
If you've ever stolen your own possessions, you might be an addict.
If a near death experience sounds like fun, you might be an addict.
If you cop on the street, so as not to "bother" your doctor, you might be an addict.
If you've been on tour longer than you've been in school, you might be an addict.
If you've ever forged your own prescription for medication, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You may be an addict…
…if every bill that you have on you is rolled into a tube and you have to wipe it off before spending it at the store.
…if you have searched every little corner in your room to look for "The One That Got AWAY" just in case you get dope sick and need something for later.
…if when you clean and move your furniture around you find pills and rocks everywhere and then lock all the doors and windows so you can party.
…if you use Afrin nose spray just to clear the stuff you snorted from last night.
…if your desk has smash marks all over it from crushing pills.
…if you just got a big ass stash and are paranoid of where your gonna get more at when this stash runs out.
…if you leave 2 hours early in the freezing cold and show to meet the dope man on the corner and he don’t show so you wait and wait and say i'll give him 15 mins but you really wait the total of 5 hours till he finally gets there....
…if you have multiple pharmacy tags on your key chain.
…if the pharmacist knows you by first name and he automatically knows to charge you the cash price without calling your insurance company.
…if you boost some merchandise from a dollar store and then go resell it in the hood to get some dope money.
…if the local cops on patrol know you by your first name.
…if you know of every pay phone in the city that receives calls back.
…if you keep clothes and blankets in your car but never sleep.

[Wolfchild]

You may be an addict...
…if you sit around and ponder how sad it is that the rest of society chooses NOT to live the "liberal, care-free, mind-expanding and free existence" that you are so blessed to be living while you are tightly locked in your bedroom with a blanket over the window.
...if when getting blood work, you have to tell the nurse which vein will work the best.
...if someone asks if they can bum a cigarettes and you reply, "No man, I only have 9 left".
…if you stay up all night and you're STILL late for work in the morning.
…if every time you see any glass object, you automatically try to figure out how you could blow it into a pipe.
…if you can't commit to being anywhere more than two days ahead of time, cuz you don't know if it will be an "up" day or a "down" day.
…if you talk gibberish to cops about its not mine and i don’t know how it got there, these pants aren’t mine i borrowed them.
...if you hear the damn birds starting to chirp in the morning and all you want to do is go out and shoot every one of the little bastards!
…if you tell yourself a "drug salad" should be the first part of every meal, and it ends up being the only course.
...if your contact with God goes something like this: if you let me live through this I promise I'll never, never ever, ever, ever do this crap again!!!!!
...if you decide you're going to quit forever, take all your paraphernalia out to the garbage, gently place it in the can and cover it with some newspaper (just in case).
...if a cop wakes you up in your car in the middle of a corn field and you tell him that you were just watching the pacers playing the san Diego chickens on television at a friend's house.

[tsukiko]

-Laughs- Great post.

I read this one:

if you remember everything about your arrest except the ride to the police station, you might be an addict.

And thought...what if the police van and cell are the only bits you do remember? Then I got to this one...

If you don’t remember why you are handcuffed to the bench at the police station after being arrested…you just might be an addict.

Ha ha.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…
If you’ve ever walked in a bar and the sign says all you can drink for a dollar and you ask for 5 dollars worth", you might be an addict.
If you’ve ever vacuumed your carpet, then smoke the contents of the vacuum bag,
you might be an addict.
If you've ever stolen drugs from someone, then helped look for them, you might be an addict.
If you've ever sat around wondering if you are an addict, you might be an addict.
If you've ever tried to convince everyone around you that getting high is the only reason you and/or they are not dead yet, you might be an addict.
If you’ve ever hallucinated hard enough to think that you would find a feeling of "security" by following the signs pointing to a door marked ‘Security’, you might be an addict.
If you cannot fight the compulsive urge to scour the medicine cabinet in every bathroom of every house you enter, you might be an addict.
If you trade a few cigarettes with someone you just met in the parking lot of a grocery store at 3 am for a bit of dope, you might be an addict.
If you're in jail trading a honey bun for a chill pill with an inmate that just got put in GP from detox, you might be an addict.
If you own more than 6 pairs of tweezers, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You just might be an addict…
If you have ever woken up fully clothed with your bed on fire, you just might be an addict.
If none of the lamps in your place have light bulbs anymore, you just might be an addict.
If none of the faucets have screens in them anymore, you just might be an addict.
If you have baking soda in your fridge but not for the "fresh smell, " you just might be an addict.
If you have brillo, but you've never ever used it to clean, you just might be an addict.
If there's a sign in front of your house that says "We are not having a yard sale so please stop asking how much everything costs, " you just might be an addict!
If you ever cooked a 5-course meal, and then realized you're not hungry (and neither is anyone else), you just might be an addict.
If you ever stopped at a green light, you just might be an addict.
If you have purchased several tire gauges and never checked your tire pressure or better yet don't own a set to check, you just might be an addict.
If your favorite motto was I’ll stop tomorrow, you just might be an addict.
If you've spent the night on the roof of your house with night vison goggles and a shot gun, watching them watching, you just might be an addict.
If you have ever calculated what a major drug bust would do to the market price, you just might be an addict.
If you ever licked dollar bills for residue, you just might be an addict.
If the drunk tank get's named the (your name here) wing, you just might be an addict.

[krati]

If The Only Time You Go To The Auto Parts Store Is For Chore Boy...buy It And Then Head To The Nearest Bathroom Stall With Your Best Girlfriend...u Might Be An Addict

But That Was A Looooong Time Ago When I Messed With That Sh*t

[Wolfchild]

You might have a problem…
if you have ever thought jail was a good place to think and take a vacation.
if the only way to get out of bed is to get high with whatever is left over from the night before.
if you drove better while under the influence.
if all you can eat buffet sounds good at 4 am.
if skipping sleep for 3 days, seems like a good way to get stuff done.
if vitamin C works best in handfuls.
if you like to wear sunglasses at night while you are driving.
if you keep a log of your using and descriptions of how great each day was based on the drugs you are taking.
if your best artwork or music is always when you are high and you have nothing else to show for yourself.
if all you’re friends use and anyone that does not use or drink you avoid.
if your dread sunlight.
if your last sandwich was bologna with two slices of bread (and nothing more) and it was soooo good.
if you idea of spirituality is talking to other homeless people talking about how great it is to be free and how ****** up the world is (and how great you are).
if you are trying to kill yourself slowly and surely.
if you crack open a beer early in the morning and say it's noon somewhere.
if you discover that Ping Pong balls can get you high and you start stashing them because you might run low.
if you're deliriously happy about that bong that you got from a friend for your birthday.
if you get happy over your next prescription refill.

[Wolfchild]

You might be a newcomer….
If you’ve ever considered getting loaded because the insanity inside the rooms seems so much worse than the insanity of getting loaded.
If you’ve ever received word that your boyfriend was sleeping with your sponsee, and both will still not cop to it.
If you’ve ever had sexual relations with someone in the rooms who is known as less-than-desirable, and say, "i was soooo tired" (instead of "i was soooo drunk/high/loaded/cracked out, etc") to cover for yourself.
If you use your clean time to justify your last relationship (i.e., I only had 43 days when we hooked up).
If you’ve ever slept with someone only to find out the two of you had slept with enough people who’d slept with each other that you’ve pretty much been sleeping together for years.
If you’ve ever attended a certain midnight recovery meeting for the sole purpose of getting some action.
If you’ve ever been given or have offered a "back rub" to get to know each other better.
If you’ve walked into a meeting and been faced with the last 4 people you’ve slept with and at least 2 of them are sitting with their current partners.
If a trying to make a 9th step amends has ever turned into you sleeping with the person.
If you’ve ever actually drawn out a diagram of the people you and your best friend have both slept with to see the overlaps.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an addict…

If you have a variety of mirrors but don't use them to look at yourself, you might be an addict.
If your idea of taking a vacation involves barricading yourself in the closet with as many drugs as you can find, you might be an addict.
If you have ever tried to save money by buying something that was advertised "Two for one" but were not in a store at the time, you might be an addict.
If your closest friends consist of anybody who is still in the bar at 2am, you might be an addict.
If you have ever said to someone that your just going for a walk and not made it back for a few weeks, you might be an addict.
If you believe that there is a magical formula for staying high 24 hours a day, you might be an addict.
If you have only gotten jobs that did not have mandatory drug testing, you might be an addict.
If your idea of taking a scenic drive involves looking for good places to have a 'kegger', you might be an addict.
If you have ever tried making your own drugs because you owe money to all your dealers, you might be an addict.
If you have thought that if you could substitute one for another without the same consequences, you might be an addict.

[Wolfchild]

You might be an internet addict if…
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You turn off your modem and get this empty feeling, like you just pulled the pin on a loved one.
You start introducing yourself as "Jon at AOL dot com"
Your wife drapes a blonde wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You laugh at people with 14,400 baud modems.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You tell the cab driver you live at www.1208Mainstreet/3rdhouse/bluetrim
Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :^)
You turn on your computer, and turn off your spouse.
Your best friend is someone you've never met.
Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer, and install a second phone line so you can chat.
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
Your dog has its own blog.

[icing]

If the only thing left in the house to write with is the inside of pens you might be an addict.

[skunkhamster]

Originally Posted by wolflet

If you steal your roommates money and then help him look for it...you just might be an addict.


LOL & OUCH!

never their $$$, but sometimes a stash.....(i never shot up, or got hooked on "hard drugs" (if you can kill yourself with it whatz the diff anyway between what type of drugs they are?!......)

.......or.....

you might be an addict if you're looking for your own stash/$$ & you don't even have a roommate.

hahahahaahaha i remember my friend in college resold his roomates books for pot..... and i remember finding a bag of pot in my bathing suit that i lost like 8 months berore because i was so stoned when i hid it

[dennis72]

That was great